I identify as a gay woman, but I think I may be demisexual towards men

So, I first started questioning my sexuality about 2 1/2 years ago. I thought I was bisexual at first, but eventually I started realizing that generally I'm not attracted to men physically and started to identify as panromantic and homosexual. I've been content with those labels for over a year now, but lately I've beginning to question it again and I'm really rather confused here.

I know I'm definitely panromantic; that still fits completely and I have had strong feelings for both other females and males. I'm physically attracted to women regardless of whether I have any emotional attraction to them or feelings for them; no doubts there. In most cases I'm honestly rather turned off by guys, but I have had a fairly serious and healthy relationship with a guy that lasted almost three years and have had feelings for others.

But there's been periods of time where I was actually attracted to a man, and in all of those few situations I've had a strong emotional connection to them and/or romantic feelings for them. I can also have romantic feelings for a guy while being just as disinterested in him sexually as if I didn't (which was the case with the relationship I mentioned before, but he was asexual and we were both perfectly happy with the situation), but its never been the other way around.

So basically, I can be physically attracted to any woman, even a complete stranger, very consistently. Meanwhile I am only ever physically into a guy after developing feelings for him. Normally I range from disinterested in to extremely uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping with/kissing/etc. a man, but sometimes (not always) after the emotional connection is there that changes and I'm just as attracted to him as I could be with a woman. These feelings are also pretty fluid, though; I've noticed I do tend to go through phases where my level of interest in men is slightly higher or lower or where it's much easier to develop these feelings for a guy, while my attraction to women has been very steady and unchanging.

Demisexuality really seems to fit with what I've been feeling towards men, but then that's definitely not how I'd describe how I feel towards women and that difference is really what's confusing me. I think at this point it's less about finding a label that fits (and I know its not necessary to have one, I just do feel more comfortable being able to define these things more simply and having a quicker answer when the subject comes up) and more about figuring out how to combine these three things I identify with. I usually just say I'm panromantic and gay if I'm ever asked and comfortable answering; would this mean I should/can say I'm panromantic, gay and demisexual towards men? That doesn't seem like the simplest way to get the point across to me, especially when most of my family is not incredibly accepting or knowledgeable but at the same time doesn't hate me or have any negative feelings towards me since I've come out as gay. I'm also worried that my parents would start talking about how I wasn't really gay and just needed to find the right guy (again), which actually bothers me more now that I see it may be halfway true. Or that the women I know who exclusively like other women might think of me as not really one of them anymore, as I've seen a lot of biphobia even in the LGBT+ community and when I identified as bi (which was supported further by these feelings, but that label doesn't really seem to explain it quite right) that was something that made me feel pretty out of place.

Thanks for any input y'all may have. <3

 

Thanks for the response

Yeah, bisexuality or pansexuality could work and I guess technically it fits, but I feel like that implies I'd generally be open to a relationship or sexually attracted to someone of any gender/regardless of gender, which is not really the case. I know that being bi/pan doesn't necessarily mean someone's attraction to different genders is completely equal and so on, it could technically fit, it's just that I get really tired of having to elaborate all the time and it's so much easier to be able to give an answer that doesn't need as much explanation. Though I guess at this point that's not really an option.

I haven't been able to find much online about other people with this situation, but I finally did find a Reddit discussion with several responses that sum it up perfectly and some of the people there said they just identify as both homosexual and demi-heterosexual, and one person who said they usually tell people they're s panromantic demi-heterosexual lesbian. All of those would still require some explanation sometimes to make things clear when I'm okay with discussing it further (which I generally am, I'm normally pretty open about things and now that I'm mostly out I try and make it clear from the beginning that I'm not straight without having a formal coming out to that person, which has made things so much easier), but they all also really fit to me, a bit more so than just being bi or pan. Even with being panromantic I am still only really interested in other women and some people with other identities like certain nonbinary folks, it's just that if the right person comes along its not entirely black and white. Which is what's happening here, really.

Eugh. I feel like I kind of know what's going on so I'm not exactly questioning but I thought I finally had things figured out and then thinking about this more is really making my head spin. Running on four hours of sleep probably isn't helping.