Thoughts/Feelings

Homophobia is really painful when you first come out, and It's sad that people are so ignorant.

Don't listen to those who make you feel bad about it

 

All of those questions that you mentioned are being asked as a result of homophobia, which stems from ignorance. They are not to be taken as the truth. You're right in that being gay/bi etc. is fundamentally no different from being straight, therefore we are not weird or abnormal in any sense purely because of our sexuality. I'm not religious but I used to be, and I never once thought that we would go to Hell, because I believed that if "God" really was a loving person, he would know that LGBT people can be just as good as everyone else. The same applies to gender.

 

Hi Jmiller,

I was born in 1968 and came of age in the 80s. The way LGBT was treated at that time was even worse than it is today. There is so much more acceptance today than I had available to me when I was in my teens. The anti-gay culture that existed then was the chief reason that I stayed in the closet and did what I thought was expected of me - I married a woman and had kids.

I do think we are still a long way from true equality across the board for LGBT, and I'm still hopeful that we will someday reach that level. But, do know that it IS better today than it was, and it will be better in the future than it is today. Despite the difficulties people of color still face today, no one can argue that here in 2016 is better than at any other time in history - and it's true for LGBT as well.

By the way, I know it feels weird to say "I'm gay." I think it's an important step in self-acceptance - and the reason why it's my username. Finally saying those words out loud to myself two years ago was the beginning of my coming out. I would like to suggest to you that you change your Orientation status in your profile to Gay rather than Questioning. It may seem like a small thing, but it really isn't. It's an important step in this process - to self-identify as gay, and get used to identifying as gay. That has helped me in so many ways.

Take care. ride:

 

It's pretty hard to say why they feel that way. I suppose it could be for a range of reasons. Some are ignorant about the LGBT community, and having been raised in a homophobic society they may not know to treat us in any other way than badly. Others feel threatened by us, also due to ignorance. Some people think we want to "turn the world gay", and so they try to suppress our voices.

But in all honesty, it doesn't really matter why they feel so hateful towards us; what's important is that we remain standing against them. As I said it can be pretty hard to understand a particular person's reasons behind their beliefs, so there isn't much of a point in dwelling on that.

 

And that's why the field of psychology exists. Sorry, just a little joke.

Honestly, I think it really just comes down to fear due to not understanding. When people don't understand things, they become afraid. When they become afraid, they lash out in anger to hide their fear and vulnerability. In this case, that anger takes the form of homophobia and/or transphobia. As others have mentioned, though, there's also societal oppression of the LGBT community that takes place at a systemic level. That's more rooted in the history of how the LGBT community has been treated (again, because of fear/anger due to ignorance).

It's all bundled up in these complex social, historical, and societal systems, and it's hard to tease out all the reasons. As others have said, though, in the end, all that matters is that people in the LGBT community are happy and stand together to support and defend each other. And, as more people come to understand, they will also stand and fight for us. And that's a beautiful thing.

 

Jmiller85,

I'm 44 and I remember enough history that I agree with "I'm gay" that things are better today than at any other time in history, but we also have a long way to go.

I'm getting interested in the topic of masculinity itself, and I am a believer. From a spiritual perspective, I think that masculinity and femininity are elemental and we all have a unique mix of masculine and feminine traits. When you combine the unique traits of the parents you have unity, and a new life with its own unique mix of the sacred feminine and the sacred masculine.

I think it gets complicated when that complex mix of feminine and masculine energy is put into a body that typically has male or female sex organs. I think that our sexuality is much more complicated than the merely physical, and we can't force our sexuality into simple labels. This mix of masculine and feminine energy in all of us leads me to think that the majority of men have some degree of bisexuality because that's also their spirituality.

I think the hate comes from ignorance and a prevailing belief that sex is mainly a physical, rather than a spiritual thing. If we saw sex in a more nuanced way I think homophobia would diminish drastically. In my opinion we're starting this process now with the younger generation.

I also think we're in an age of a shifting definition of what it means to be a "man". Historically, men have been socialized to be quiet, tough, angry, violent, and sexually aggressive. Today's men are looking to be better communicators, to lead by example, to be compassionate, and to honor the gift of sexuality. Some of the homophobia that we experience is from toxic masculinity.

Patrick

 

Being exactly who you are is the biggest deterrent for assholes you don't want or need in your life, but the biggest invitation for like-mined people.

 

NoPlaceLikeHomo, well said!