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I don't know who I am anymore

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Leviosa250, Dec 12, 2016.

  1. Leviosa250

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi all, I posted a few times here quite some time ago. I thought I figured myself out, but I definitely have not. I came out to a few people as bisexual, but then I thought I was gay, so I came out to even more people as such. Now I'm back at square one. Here is my issue:
    I've been very confused about my sexuality for about 2 years. I never thought I liked girls at all until these past few years, but I realize now that I do. It's funny, because that is the one thing I am absolutely certain about. I know my feelings for girls and I can see myself being with one and falling in love and all that good stuff.
    But when it comes to guys, I am completely lost. I always liked guys and had crushes on them my entire life. I never really dated anyone though, and I've never been in a relationship (romantic or sexual). I went on one date with a guy while I was questioning my sexuality (I was trying to convince myself I still liked guys, to be honest), and it was horrible. After that day, I was sure that I didn't like guys because I was so uncomfortable and anxious around him. But I don't know if it was just him or if I would be like that around all guys.
    So, basically, I keep going back and forth with whether or not I am completely gay or if i still like guys. I've had people tell me that if I am thinking about guys even a little bit, that means I can't be gay. But I kind of think that if I can't say that I would definitely like being with a guy, that would mean I probably don't want to be with one.
    I know a lot of people are going to say that I don't need to label myself or anything and that I should just go with the flow, but that is just not what I want. It would really help me to just figure it out and know who I am. It's really difficult to go through every day not knowing who I might end up with and what kinds of feelings to follow. How do you tell the difference between enjoying being with someone and actually liking them in a romantic way? I feel that sometimes receiving praise/affection from anyone makes me like them in some way, but I think this is part of what is misleading for me. Just because I like that a guy complimented me doesn't mean that this is a romantic feeling? I hope that makes sense. I know it doesn't make sense to me. I am in college, and I'm not really in the most accepting and open area (rural, conservative, not the best for LGBTQ+ anything). My friends will all very accepting of my coming out to them, but I just feel uncertain with myself now. What if a guy asked me out? I wouldn't know whether to say yes or no.
    If anyone has any follow up questions for me or any advice that would be awesome. I'm just very lost and confused, and I feel like if I don't figure this out, I will be alone forever.
     
  2. adrenaline

    Regular Member

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    i actually been in some place similar to yours. for two years i was questioning myself and identifying as asexual (no sexual attraction to anyone) it was a safe place for me. but then i got bored of my virginity and there was this girl i talked a lot to and she helped me realize that i probably am a bisexual. but it was a painful topic for me, cuz i was bullied for "being a lesbian" i wasn't feeling such at a time. so after talking to this girl i accepted the chance of being a bisexual, cuz its easier i like everyone (which implies that i'm a pansexual, might be.. ;D) well for a year or two i questioned myself, i read everything possible on internet and decided i'll try to be a bisexual. well i met a guy, but everyone who knows me, also knows that i hate relationships, i like action and fun and stuff like that. so i found this guy just for fun. after some time i made a pretty harsh move and just left him, the reason was a girl. the point of all this, you should identify yourself for now as bisexual if you are doubting. cuz being a bisexual is quite easy i suppose, well you just like two sexes and thats all. if some guy made you feel terrible it doesnt mean all males will make you feel so. its just if you can imagine simple thing "having sex with someone" who is male and then imagine same thing with a girl, call yourself a bisexual for now, maybe later on you will "evolve" or change to lesbian. cuz smth like that happened to me, i have a gf for 10months now and im starting to think about actually being a lesbian. so figure out things by steps, you have whole life ahead. good luck ;s
     
  3. Kodo

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    "I thought I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then." -Alice (Alice in Wonderland)

    Getting to know yourself is a process. It doesn't happen overnight or in some grand "aha!" moment.

    Everyone goes through this, whether gay or straight or trans or cis or anything between. It can be tough and terribly confusing at times, but not impossible or a lost hope.

    Take your time, and maybe lay off of yourself for a while. I was rather obsessively thinking about my sexuality a few months ago, and came to similar thoughts as you. But I had to take a step back and a deep breath. It is okay to not have everything figured out. What is important is to love for who you are, regardless of where, if anywhere, on the LGBT+ spectrum that is.

    You will not be alone forever. There is someone for everyone if you have the courage to hope and find them. Even if finding a romantic partner is a ways off, perhaps this is a good time in your life to do some introspection or build your platonic relationships.

    Like adrenaline said, you've got your whole life ahead of you. And that is something to look forward to.