I want to know if what I feel is aesthetic, sensual, or sexual attraction. Maybe some combination. I can't tell. Really, sometimes someone just walks by that I find mesmerizing and attractive in some way and I get twitchy. Its the face, body type, chest, eye color, or something that catches my attention and suddenly I just kind of feel like it would be awesome to go up to that person and do something sensual/sexual/inappropriate. So, I have no idea what to make of that. I get more interested in sexual situations than bodies. I can't tell if thats because I'd like to have sex, the thought of the pleasure, or what. Its confusing. Any thoughts, advice, etc?
What you're describing is well within the bounds of ordinary sexual attraction. Different people experience things different ways, but what you're describing in no way sounds like anything close to asexual. Most likely just... normal attraction
Sounds perfectly healthy to me, just desire. Doesn't have to be focused, some feel the fantasy more arousing, others get turned on by their eyes... Desire is as rich as mankind itself, because how your desire express is a part of your character. Some get aroused by objects, or gas masks, or a particular kind of fabric. Asexual is the lack of (sexual) attraction towards others, not your case...
That just sounds like normal allosexuality to me. Doesn't really sound gray ace at all. I could technically qualify as gray ace, but this has never been my experience. Normally a gray ace wouldn't want to do anything "sexual" to a person at all, or would need to know a person for years before the thought crosses their mind.
Okay, I should have started off with this because its hard to make sense of what I'm talking about without this information: I am a high-functioning autistic. I get the urge to randomly touch things or cringe a lot more than neurotypicals. I get mesmerized by random things everyday. I carry a fidget toy. I don't understand or sense things like neurotypicals. And according to recent information, autistics are more likely to identify as queer and we don't understand sexuality or gender the same. My brain isn't wired to think like most of the people I get advice or insight from, and its frustrating. Now, when I said "sometimes," I really meant it. I get "inappropriate urges" involving a person rarely, maybe once a month for the last year. For the last year I have only just actually started feeling those things. I am 20 years old. Before that, I was simply and only mesmerized (without any urges) once or twice a year since I was 16. I counted. I don't want to get off so much as I want to touch. Sometimes it can be described as a sexual touch and other times it would be an inappropriate level of just touching in public. I know what I describe is essentially sexual attraction, but no one is "hot" or "sexy" to me. I tried to understand it as sexual attraction, but it just wasn't quite right. At least not completely.
OK, this does make a considerable difference. I don't have a deep knowledge of autism-spectrum disorders, but I do know that, as you said, autistic people experience sexual awareness and understanding differently than non-autistic people. As such, I'm not sure that using any of the non-standard labels is really helpful, as (the way it's been explained to me by professionals who work with this population), the experience is so unusual and different from the norm that it's really difficult to reference against normal experiences. I think, in this case, the label probably isn't that important, because it likely won't be an accurate descriptor if you're comparing with another non-autistic person. What matters here, to me at least, is that you understand your feelings to the best of your ability, and find a level of peace with that understanding... and, as well, hopefully find someone who relates to and connects and loves you for who you are, in whatever way that works for the two of you. To me, those things are a lot more important than any label anyone might attach.
People with autism are more likely to have non-sexual "tendencies", I think. Either they never feel sexual attraction to anyone, they do but are grossed out by sex, or they do rarely. I'm ASD too, so I know where you're coming from. One misconception though- Sexual attraction isn't about thinking people are hot or sexy. That's physical/aesthetic attraction. Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with someone, for anyone reason, even if you DON'T find them hot (such as wanting to for emotions or pleasure). An asexual can find other people "hot" but would not want to have sex with them because they are ace. Straight women find other women "hot" all the time, but don't want to have sex with women because they're straight. If we defined sexual attraction by who was "hot", there would be no straight women.
I've been wondering if I might be sexually fluid (or have fluid-sexuality). Fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available. It would fit. I mean, my teenage years had nothing that interested me sexually. I can comfortably say that I fit the definition of "asexual." Then when I got around 20 years old I started getting rare sexual feelings and urges. I even had one of those dreams recently. I've never actually had those dreams before. I've talked to two people in real life about this. One of them laughed at me, then mentioned a sexually fluid friend of hers. The other said that I could get used to it. My point is, I think having fluid-sexuality might actually fit.
I guess the real question would be: Do you want to act out your sexual feelings or not? This is regardless of your desire to touch things. Hope that makes sense.
Regular sexual attraction punctuated maybe by a fetish for slightly inappropriate sexual activities. No need for some made-up sexuality label for that.
I don't know if this will be any help or not but i saw this come up in conversation and I'd just like to add something: apparently there is a feeling or some sort of internal response in your brain which I have deduced must be the equivalent of when you look at a cute puppy and think "aww" and get that cute, fuzzy feeling like "omg is so small I want to hug it" but instead it's a different feeling which is triggered instead by thinking "oh they're hot" or "sexy". It is also possible for people who feel this to understand what other people find "hot" or "sexy" just as aces can, only we don't get the accompanying feeling just like a straight woman wouldn't get that feeling by looking at another woman even though she can tell that she is attractive. We can describe someone as "hot" or "sexy" by other people's standards or simply because there is no other word that we can think of to use and that one describes them best, but we don't get the accompanying feeling. If there is something I've written that is incorrect please feel free to let me know and if there are any other aces here who know or experience something different, the same goes to you. I hope I've been of some help :icon_bigg
