(Basically a summed up version of an earlier post that was messy and overall just bothersome to read) - I'm out as Bi but I still feel nervous and ashamed bringing up any topic that relates to being attracted to girls in front of family and close friends which is unreasonable since they are very accepting and I have no problem with it when talking to everyone else. - I somehow hate the way society views me as someone being attracted to women - This leads me to believe that I in some way still have Internalized Homophobia - Which then made me wonder if I'm actually attracted to boys or if I just talk myself into it in an attempt to be "normal" - I doubt my attraction towards men because I have always crushed on women rather easily and often more serious and quick while it's just a "maybe I like him that way? I don't know?" for boys that usually doesn't last very long - I can't really tell by" traditional physical attraction" because I don't really care as long as I like their personality ( I find women more beautiful/ sexy though) - on the other hand it could just be that I simply view men and women differently due to society and thus have a divide in perceiving them. Bottom line: I'm not sure if I'm bisexual with a preference for women or a lesbian. It doesn't seem like much of a problem but I feel like it's something I need to figure out in regards to how I can handle things. It would help me I you could share some experiences so I can compare a bit better. Advice would also be deeply appreciated.
I'm a lesbian that identified at bisexual for almost five years until I knew the truth. What helped me was this: Would you ever sleep with a man? What about a woman? Who would you want to date? You don't have to have random crushes on strangers and know you'd want to have sex with a stranger, but there should at least be a general fantasy of who you'd prefer to be with. If gay people had all of the rights in the world, would you be gay? Is not admitting you are gay/bi due to shame or a real lack of attraction to men? You could be a lesbian who hasn't accepted it or you could be bisexual but prefer women more- maybe a 4 on the kinsey scale.
Well... I'd sleep with a man but more like out of curiosity or if it's agreed that it's a onetime thing that doesn't mean anything. I would definitely sleep with a woman. I don't really have anything against the make body but I'm usually just like "meh.Skip." when anyone describes straight or gay ....stuff. Don't have that problem if it's two women. Generally when thinking about the future it always used to be with a woman. Sometimes a man but more like a vague idea, I couldn't see myself living with a man or marrying one the way I can with a woman. I've met a few guys that would tick of all my criteria on a "things I find attractive" personality wise ...but I just mildly wondered if maybe I wouldn't reject them should they like me. For girls it's a little more complicated ...i tend to have crushes very easily and hardly. I'm not sure if I'm capable of actual love...more like absolute loyalty to a person. I could see myself having that feeling for a guy though... The problem is that given this list I'd say I'm a lesbian but..there's just this feeling that if I really liked a guy i could be with him...that if I say I'm a lesbian I'll close myself from that chance forever.. I'd feel afraid coming out to everyone again...it just seems so much easier to one day show up with a woman and blame it on the bi part. I guess the thing with society is not people hating me or not having the same rights it's more like...if i imagine myself as part of one of this stereotypical couples in movies or books I'd always imagine myself with a girl..but I know that society won't view my relationship the way I do..and I guess somewhere deep within I've started to do the same thing.. I also kinda feel guilty for not liking those boys I get along with because as i said I'm not completely opposed to sleeping with one..it's just that ..even if I'd really really like him..I just couldn't see myself dating him.. ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2016 at 03:51 PM ---------- God ..this got long again... It's just that...I feel like maybe I dislike guys because I've always learned to treat them differently from women...but at the same time everything I just said speaks against me..
It does sound more like you're closer to lesbian than bi. Maybe a 5 on the kinsey scale if you don't want to completely close yourself off to men, but that could be the internalized homophobia talking (compulsory heterosexuality is a common experience for lesbians). I don't think any lesbian wants to give up men entirely. Our experience is that It's a bit easier for us to admit we like girls, but very hard to admit we don't like guys. Most homophobia toward us is based on us not liking guys (unlike gay men, who experience homophobia for liking the same sex in general).
Yeah..*sigh* Still not sure if I really want to come out all over again... (Damn I'm a coward, aren't I? :lol: ) Well..thanks a lot for helping me admit all this to myself. =)
