Hi everyone, I'm on here because I am really confused and it's really affecting me. I would have called a helpline for advice but there are none open here until 10am. I am 31 years old and I think that I might be a lesbian. I know it's highly likely that I'm at least bi. I've had relationships, one relatively serious, with women. I was sexually and romantically attracted to both. If the last one hadn't been so toxic I would have stayed with her. I think I tend to go with the safe option. I've had more relationships with men and the relationships with men have gone further sexually. Weirdly though, I felt more turned on by the women even though we didn't go as far sexually. The main reason things didn't go as far with the women, especially the last woman I was with, is going to sound really daft, I am so used to having sex with men and know that I can perform at least adequately whereas with a woman I'm so inexperienced I'm really worried about being rubbish in bed and ruining my chances with them, them not enjoying it and going off me/and/or thinking that I'm not really gay. My last female partner was already insecure that I was bi and would leave her for a man because most of my past relationships had been with men. I have had crushes on men and women although all of my male crushes/relationships have mainly been based on personalities/friendship. I was also scared to admit female crushes so usually kept them secret. (My family are VERY homophobic). I find women so attractive, including sexually. I find men attractive sometimes but usually waist up and only if they aren't too manly (if that makes sense). Male sexual organs turn me off/repulse me but I feel more comfortable having sex with a man because I know what to do (although as I said I'm no way near as turned on and hardly ever orgasm). Female bodies really attract me but make me nervous as I'm not as experienced, even though I am a female! Every time I've had a failed relationship with a woman, I've ended up with a man, even though I think in my heart this was more about choosing the 'safer option' as I get less involved emotionally with the men mostly. I have thought I loved men in the past but I've still not been into actual sex with them since I first had sex. Other people used to ask me/accuse me/bully me about being a lesbian when I was growing up but now I get the opposite response. I feel like most women don't look twice at me whereas I get a lot more attention from men. This tends to be why I give up on looking for a woman as no-one ever reciprocates unless we know each other already (as with my ex). I don't know what to label myself as and I don't know how to deal with this as I do feel like I'm hiding from my true self but what if I get it wrong and hurt someone? That's the last thing I want to do and I don't think I would I just know what it's like to be hurt. I would love to meet someone and settle down but I don't know how to go about this. To make it more complicated I'm physically disabled as well as mentally ill so I'm worried that will put people off, make it difficult for me to meet them. Can I be a lesbian if I've loved men and a woman? Any advice would be really appreciated.:dry::eusa_doh:
Maybe you're pansexual? Other's will not be able to tell you how to feel, It is whoever you show love to that will define your sexuality. ---------- Post added 30th Dec 2016 at 08:31 PM ---------- You can love men and woman or whoever, but who are you in love with?
What is pansexual? I'm really not sure who I've been in love with as I get attached to personalities even without sex.
Even if you're inexperienced, anyone worthwhile would be totally fine with that ❤️ Relationships in my opinion are far more complex then the "is she/he good enough in bed for me to want to stick around?" If a woman is worth your time lovely, she would be happy to help you gain experience without caring about the performance. Being disabled physically must be challenging for you yes, I'm not sure what to say there.. I do know of several people in healthy, loving relationships who have physical disabilities. One is in a wheelchair and has the most beautiful partner. Is there anyone in your family who isn't homophobic? Or who would at least hear you out? *Hugs*
Pansexuality is when you feel attracted to people regardless of gender. Pansexual people often get attached more to personalities rather than physical features. Because of this they are able to feel attracted to all kinds of people, including agender and genderfluid people. In my opinion, you seem to be bisexual rather than pansexual, since your feelings seem to be strictly towards men and women. Having said that, you could have a preference for women; bisexual people often tend to lean towards one of two genders. But in the end you can call yourself whatever you like, or even ditch them altogether; they're only labels, in the end. If you think about it, it's quite illogical for your partners to fear that you may leave them for a member of the opposite gender. After all, they are just as likely to leave you for another woman. As for your feelings of inexperience when it comes to interactions with women, I suppose the only thing to do is practice. But in the end, your partner shouldn't really mind. If she does mind then she's not worth it.
I feel like going by your post (especially the finding male parts"repulsive" thing) you do sound like a lesbian or at least bisexual with a heavy preference for women to me. Your main problem with this label seems to stem from being inexperienced with women. The solution to that is rather simple: You do what every other lesbian did at first. Try to communicate with your partner, if you feel insecure : Tell her. Communication during the act is also very helpful, simply treat it as if it was your very first time: Ask her what she'd like you to do, if you're doing something ask her if she likes it. Sex is not supposed to be a "performance" you have to pass, it should be an enjoyable event for both of you. Therefore it doesn't matter if it takes some time getting there or if you have to ask her certain things, in the end you'll get there. In conclusion my advise is: Don't pressure yourself, be honest with your partner and simply try to have a good time.
I can't even get any women interested enough to talk to me on dating apps, let alone in real life. I feel repulsive physically and not good enough. My family have destroyed my confidence without even knowing about my sexuality. Basically I have no family, they hate me. They're not just homophobic they're me-phobic. I'm on crutches and have arthritis in my spine and knees but I also have mental illness and that impacts a great deal. Thank you for being so kind and encouraging, it's really sweet of you. I just feel like I'm going to be alone forever.
