Hello everyone! I am a little nervous about posting but I could use some support, so here goes! Ever since puberty I have been attracted to girls. My first real crush was on a girl. I was very much in love with my best friend once but she did not have any romantic interest in me. I never had a relationship with a woman, but I have wanted to. I have had several sexual experiences with women. But I have also been attracted to men, slept with men, dated men, etc. It was always easier to find men than it was to find women! I consider myself bisexual, but as time goes by I think I may be getting gay-er...if that happens? I lean towards women, I think that's now for certain, but I still find men attractive. And I'm married to a man! We have been together nearly 10 years. I love him. And he knows that I am bisexual. He is kind and supportive and understanding. He knows of my desire for women. I have tried to put women out of my mind because I am in a committed relationship with a man, but as time goes on it gets harder and harder. I think about it a lot. It's so hard for me to imagine going through the rest of my life, married to a man, never having a relationship with a woman. I feel terrible about saying that because I do love my husband, but I want to be with a woman so much that it hurts. Like an ache in my chest. I don't know what to do. I try to forget about it but every beautiful woman I see or lesbian couple or movie or TV with women together makes me ache with longing again. While I generally enjoy sex with my husband, I often find myself thinking about women during sex and orgasm. He was sweet recently and found pictures of girls he thought I might find attractive, to show me to get me going a little. Which worked but also made me so deeply sad that I thought I might cry, because of the thought of never being able to have that. I don't know what to do. I have a husband and kids and a life. But I'm so upset about this. It's so deep and true. I don't know how I can live my life without ever having a relationship with a woman, but I love him and our life. It hurts! Sometimes I wonder if I might just be a lesbian and I should move on, but I don't think that's entirely true. This is really hard. I could use some advice or kind words or something! Thank you!
I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm married to a man, have kids, have had experiences but no real relationship with a couple of women, and the desire to still be with a woman doesn't go away. It sucks. I've almost left my husband before, even told him I thought I was gay, but there's love between us & we have kids so I stay. He's not at all open to me being with women. He knows about my past, and with right reason, I think he's scared that I'd fall in love with someone and leave him. Sometimes I think I'm doing the right thing by staying... like I'm sacrificing my ability to be completely happy for our family. Other times I feel like I'm keeping him from being with someone that could truly love him. I mean I do love him, but I just don't feel whole with him... don't know if I would with a woman either though. Sorry I don't have advice really! But thanks for being brave enough to post; it's nice to know I'm not the only person going through it.
Ditto here. I started out in life attracted to females. I remember liking girls at age 12 in the way my friends talked about the boys. My first sexual experience was with a female. I had one relationship with a female before I started denying I was lesbian. In my denial years, I slept with men to prove to myself I was straight. Then I married my first husband at 22, had a son, but was secretly attracted to his ex-wife. We divorced because he found out I was a attracted to women and his ex. Still I denied to myself that I was lesbian. I met my second husband through his sister who I was attracted to and had thought about a relationship with her. She was and is completely straight. I have been married now for 14 years and we have a daughter together. He doesn't know my past nor would I want him to know. We have a good life together although mostly live as roommates. But as I am finally facing the truth about myself and learning to accept me, it becomes harder to live the straight married life. I want to stay married for our daughter's sake at least until she is 17/18. I am facing the fact that I want the loving, romantic relationship straight people dream about but I don't wan't it with a man. I see my future and everything that couple's do, it is a woman by my side. That one relationship I had with a woman was the only time I felt complete and myself. It felt the way straights talk about being in love. I've never even felt the butterflies of love with men. Yes, I feel safe, I feel protected, I feel taken care of, but is that enough? We go on family vacations together, we go camping, we go hiking, but all I think is that this would be perfect if my partner was a woman. Then I rotate to how horrible it would be on him if I left. How much pain and suffering I would be the cause of in his life...back to well, shouldn't we both have the chance to find that true love.. to the fear of if I take the leap, couldn't I just end up alone and have given up on this safe, loving life. It is an endless circle. There is guilt, exhilaration, sadness, joy, shame, excitement, heartbreak, longing, and so many more emotions all falling on me at once. So what do we do?
We pour a glass of spanish red wine and listen to awesome songs that make us cry. [YOUTUBE]E36_UiCiIxk[/YOUTUBE] And then we emerge on the other side stronger and do what each of us considers the right thing for the situation we are in ---------- Post added 4th Jan 2017 at 06:52 AM ---------- For some that right thing is facing it all and telling the truth. For other is simply looking forward to the next therapy session . Don't stick your head in the sand and pretend it is not there or that it will go away as if by magic though. That's never the right thing .
