In the straight culture, people don't really discuss who his top, bottom, submissive, dominant. It is not a prerequisite. In relationships they just go with the flow and learn what the other is like as they are building the relationship; or in the extreme versions find sub cultures that follow their wants/needs. With all the talk on here discussing these issues, it seems LGBTIQ put more emphasis on its priority in potential relationships which may be limiting possibilities of relationships on the whole. For me, any relationship starts as friends and connection. The sexual aspect of it builds over time and adjusted with the trust/closeness you have with your partner. What are your thoughts?
I actually noticed the reverse is true. In straight relationships, It's expected for the woman to be bottom and submissive and for the man to be top and dominant. There is a lot of hatred against them by their culture if they disobey this and their sexuality is called into question. Gender roles are very extreme in hetero relationships (or at least the social pressure for it to stay that way is). They may not be obsessed with the labels like gay people are, but that's because there is little room to expand behind limiting roles (unless you admit to kink). Gay people try to apply these roles since they "adopt" them from straight culture and wonder how to apply them to their own lives. But I agree that they are just labels and we don't need to buy into them. The beauty of our relationships is that we can do them the way they want. ---------- Post added 3rd Jan 2017 at 06:38 PM ---------- *The way we want
Really? I have always seen the opposite. Every straight man I have discussed this with whether friend or in a relationship with has ALWAYS wanted the woman to be more dominant, to take control, to ride him or more. I have not seen the gender role extreme in hetero relationships except for the women seemingly only wanting to be submissive which has been an issue with the men who want the woman to take the lead every now and then. But I haven't been friends with women, only men so my info is one-sided. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a guy friend say to me I wish my gf or wife would do more than just lay there.
I'm with Creativemind on this one too. I think it's not discussed in straight relationships because it's assumed (not always correctly). In gay relationships pretty much all the configurations are possible so it does require a bit of discussion--I will say though that I've been out for about twenty-five years and the sum total of the discussion of the whole top/bottom, dominant/submissive thing that I have heard in real life is way less than I have heard on this board. I've really encountered very few gay people in real life where the top/bottom or dominant/submissive thing plays a major part in their self-image.
I guess it depends on how you define dominant. Wanting a girl to initiate or ride is technically dominant, but It's quite light. You don't see too many women who are into heavier domination (femdom) or who will accept a male partner that is very feminine or submissive in bed. But I know many gay couples who switch between all of these things. Top and bottom usually refers to who penetrates who. Even if you ride someone, you're still the bottom since you're the receptive partner. That's why the terms are used commonly for gay men. Since both partners have a penis and an anus, It's not as clear cut what role you're in. Same for lesbians who use toys, since both can wear a toy and both have a vagina. In straight relationships, you only really get one role through intercourse, so those terms aren't needed. A true female top/male bottom couple would refer to someone who's into pegging, but that's not nearly the norm. However, I do see straight women calling themselves "tops" if they are in the femdom community. Otherwise they just don't need to use these words. I don't think gay people really force themselves in boxes either so much as the words are just more relevant so their partner understands their sexual preference.
But two gay guys can both be bottoms? They both have a penis lol, just like two lesbians both have a vagina.
I see what you're saying there with the exception of "In straight relationships, you only really get one role through intercourse, so those terms aren't needed." I guess my mind is jaded by my own issues. Or maybe the men I knew had there own issue and could just sense I was different. With men the only way I was ever slightly comfortable was when I was in control and practiced parts of BDSM, but always with me being the D. For me it was just another coping mechanism and most times an avoidance of having the normal straight male/female sex. I can concede while being in denial I may have surrounded myself with men who weren't the norm. ---------- Post added 3rd Jan 2017 at 10:42 PM ---------- * or my jaded past with men
