Hi everyone, Thanks already for reading this, I hope to get some advice here since I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it. I am 30 years old and since a bit over a year, I am questioning my sexual orientation. I am now at a point where I have just started to feel a bit more comfortable and have accepted that I am not entirely straight. I am a woman and have only been with men so far and used to identify as straight. I can't even really remember how this all started, but I guess I have always been somewhat attracted to girls and had pushed these feelings to the side for a number of reasons. I struggle to identify myself as bi or lesbian at this point since I don't have any sexual experience with women so far. And that's where my current issue starts. I have started to flirt with girls when going out, and have been on dates with a few girls over the last few months, but I always become extremely insecure as soon as they ask me about my previous relationships and experiences. I know it sounds silly, but I am afraid they will think I am just playing with them if I say that I have actually never been with a girl before. I am not even sure if I would like having sex with another woman in real life. I mean, in my head it sounds like a great idea.... But I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings in case I realize that I am not into gay sex after all. I am sorry if this may sound stupid... But this thought really scares me. Has anyone been in a similar situation or would have some advice for me? I really want to explore these feelings that I have for women, but at the same time I feel like a fraud when I talk to gay girls, which is very confusing. I don't want to lie to them, but at the same time I think it's quiet a turn-off for most when they find out I am basically a "gay virgin" at my age. It doesn't help that I am otherwise quiet a confident / "top" (as in vs. bottom) kind of person, so the women I meet seem to sort of expect me to take the lead. Sorry for the long text and thanks for your help!
I'm very young, only 17, so my advice may not be worth much, but I believe I can provide some pointers. My biggest piece of advice if you don't want to hurt the feelings of lesbians you chat with, is to make sure they know that you're unsure about your orientation. Some of they may become disinterested, and I'm sorry if that happens to you, but others may be willing to help you, and may even offer to experiment with you as a way to sort out your orientation. Make sure they are perfectly aware that you may not enjoy sex with them. Some will be fine with this. I hope this helps, welcome to EC
Hi Hanna! Welcome to EC! I would say you are going through completely normal questioning. I totally get the anxiety from it. Deep breathes and baby steps - that's why we are here. Have a hugggg. I went through the same things. And I believe straight people will have similar anxiety about sex too. Totally normal. So be kind to yourself, it's all ok, and any kind girl will understand this too IF as Rebel says above, you stay honest with them from day one. So baby steps - Some wee experiences you can try/questions you can ask yourself - always answer your heart honestly, stay true to yourself: 1. Have u kissed a girl? How did it feel? If u liked it, below the anxiety, there is a high chance you will like the other stuff. 2. When u watch movies with people kissing and the rest, who do you look at? The girl or the guy? 3. People-watch some girls. Watch a Beyonce (my personal choice, feel free to pick another) video, what do you think about? Where do you look? 4. Maybe watch some porn. It's totally ok to watch porn. What parts do you like and where do you look? With all of this, I managed to figure out where my heart and sexuality truly lies. Then with being honest, with myself and potential girlfs, and with time, I came to understand and accept myself. Sex now? I'll letcha guess. I'm married to a gorgeous, bonkers woman Anyhoo, give it a try and keep chatting to us anytime! Hugs Lynz
Remember too that many of the girls you date will have been in exactly the same situation as you. Unless they started out as gay from the get-go, and 100% sure of it. But how common is that, really? Geez, if I were a girl I would already be in love with somebody this considerate. I don't think it should be too hard to find somebody to appreciate you for who you are right at this moment.
Hi guys! Thanks so much for your kind answers I guess you are right and it's best to be upfront with it. But gosh it makes me feel so pathetically insecure haha. I hope there is a sweet girl out there who won't be totally turned off by that. I have been on dates with four women so far, but wasn't really feeling three them for different reasons. One though was really cute and probably the hottest human being I have ever seen :lol: We went out for drinks and got along really well, but I didn't really find the right moment to mention my lack of experience. What made me feel more comfortable with her though was that she is bi and has been in relationships with both men and women in the past. That date was probably the first time I felt a bit more sure about actually being into girls in real life and not just in my imagination. Unfortunately she then had to leave town shortly after we met, so there hasn't been a second date yet. But hopefully soon What I definitely noticed is that flirting with girls gives me butterflies, which flirting with men never has. I have also made the "watching porn experiment" already LOL It depends a bit on the porn itself though. With a lot of lesbian porn I can't help to think that these women are not actually into it, which can be quiet a turn off to watch :lol: So I end up watching more straight porn, but I kind of watch it more from the perspective of the guy, if that makes any sense. When it comes to celebrities, while I am not a fan of anyone in particular, I do love to watch videos with sexy girls (while my inner feminist yells at me for drooling over these poor objectivied women :lol, and never actually find any of the guys hot or just worth a second look. I remember how much I loved this video with R. Kelly in the early 2000's, I think the song is fiesta fiesta, and how confused I was that all my girlfriends were talking about R. Kelly while I was just looking at the girls :lol: Lots of small examples like that which finally made me question my orientation. Anyways, sorry for the long story and thanks again for "listening". Feels good to get this of my chest And apologies in case my language sounds weird sometimes, I am not a native speaker.
Hi Hanna! Sounds to me like you are bisexual but more attracted towards women Think of it this way - sexuality is a spectrum, a continuum. At one end u have completely straight / heterosexual. At the other you gave completely gay / homosexual. Then inbetween you have everything else - middle is bisexual / pansexual. ALL of it is completely and totally good, healthy, beautiful and love. With time, u can figure out what you are and accept yourself with real happiness, then find someone like-minded to share it with someone who gives you those butterflies and who gets their own butterflies when with you!
