So a while back I thought I was lesbian, and then felt that didn't fit me and that I was forcing me to not feel attraction to guys. I then identified as bi and it's been like that for probably 4-6 months and was pretty good. But lately I'm wondering if I'm actually gay, because looking back on my childhood, all memories of pure attraction(aka not saying omg I have a crush on this boy he's cute I'm gonna marry him mom and dad) were towards females. Now, I'm a really flirtatious person and I flirt with everyone for fun, it's sort of a bit but I enjoy it anyways. I flirt with guys and girls in this joking way. It's easier for me to do it with guys somehow because I don't actually feel that attraction with them. I've thought at some points I did but then I realized I didn't have feelings for them. And when I flirt with girls it makes me really happy and it seems so pure and feels so pure. I'm also more cautious because I don't want to intimidate them and be rejected by them. Maybe because my attraction towards them is more real. I'm kind of thinking of one girl specifically I really admire, she's in my math and engineering classes and I've known her for 3 years and we've been good friends for 2 years. I know she's bisexual because we were talking about it in engineering one day at the beginning of last semester. I really admire her, and I think she's really cute, she has really pretty hair, and I think she's really cute lmao. And I just have this feeling of wanting to be around her all the time, or more, and she makes me happy. I always have felt like I was bad at having crushes on people. Like I'd love to like someone but I hardly ever do genuinely. I can like someone non-genuinely, like how I've liked guys in the past. I thought I liked this guy friend of mine for a while, but I feel like it was more of finding him cool and wanting attention from him as a friend, because I didn't find him attractive really. He's cute, but I didn't feel like he was anything more than a friend I wanted to know more. I feel like all of the times I've liked guys have just been like this. Some obligatory attraction to guys that I told myself was liking them when I really didn't like them in that way I thought. I don't know if I like this girl 100% genuinely or if it's just the same situation of wanting attention. :/ Because they're both kind of. But for some reason I just feel like I like her in a way that's different from whatever weird fake male attraction I've had. So I'm kind of just doubtful of my sexual orientation right now. I like this girl, which is what I know for now. I just don't know if my attraction to males has ever been real. I'd like your input. I know sometimes you have to just take it case by case and just live life and see how you feel about people, but this is a new thought for me. Not really new, as in I thought it sort of before, but now it seems clearer, especially with my childhood memories and history. I've always found a greater attraction in females somehow. I remember looking at an album cover and admiring this singer's breasts and finding them attractive. So I was a gay little piece of shit haha but it's all just really telling. Anyways, I'd be happy to hear the experiences of anyone who has felt something similar. Or anyone. Thanks <3
Heya!! I'm sorry you're confused again, I know it's so frustrating. I can't tell you your sexuality, but I just want to let you know it's okay what ever you are. I'm not sure if this is what will help for you, but what has helped me a little bit when finding out who I'm attracted to is looking at who makes my heart sing. I know that sounds really super corny!! Whose presence makes you go onto a completely other level, like it's an addiction, like a drug? I think that's what we're all talking about maybe? Maybe you don't know and that's completely okay!! I think it's just about who makes you happiest and excited and who you can't stop smiling when thinking about. Or you want to write love poems about!! It's okay to feel confused, and give yourself time and maybe try your best to be okay with uncertainty if that's what's troubling you. I don't know about you, but for me that was what was worst. For me everything can fall easier into place if I'm not stressed about not knowing or LGBT stuff in general. Another thing I will say it to take your time, and there is only so much thinking you can do so be gentle on yourself. <3 ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2017 at 10:52 AM ---------- P.S I'm not an expert so you can take what I say however you wish but this just my experience!! I can just feeeel your pain and it's like I WANT TO HELP YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY AAAH
Nikanoo is pretty smart. But what do you expect from someone whose orientation is chocolate orange? Oh yes you do. Bjanna, I was going to say my piece but Nikanoo beat me to it.
