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Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Whatislove, Jan 6, 2017.

  1. Whatislove

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2017
    Messages:
    1
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    Location:
    Orange county
    Gender:
    Male
    Hello empty closets,

    First and foremost I appreciate everyone's posts on here, it really helps
    Me figure out more about myself.

    Now finally about to reach my quarter life milestone, landing my first job within the last year, I've considered a lot of things about my future including, most importantly, who I'd like to spend my entire life with. Just a few months ago I ended my relationship with my ex-girlfriend of about 4 years. My decision to end this relationship wasn't because our relationship was bad or anything, but I felt like there was something.. lacking.. I don't get butterflies, etc etc.

    Upon ending this relationship, I went what any other straight male would, is to hook up with as much women as I can, and I succeeded in bringing home two different girls within the first week (bad sign already that I got over the break up so fast). The thrill of chasing the girl in the bar was exhilarating once again after being in a relationship for so long, but once we got in bed, I found that it wasn't so easy to get hard, esp now that I have to use a condom. Failing to have sex w a condom, decided to have sex w/o and it was all good from there. But I knew something was wrong starting at that point.

    I wanted to think it was the anxiety of being w a new person after a while, but when the second girl happened, i wa able to get hard but I would think about it during sex and would cause me to lose my erections. This is when I started to think that I could possibly be gay, and I've never thought about it ever before. I've always had the sense to know which males would be attractive in my eyes, but now, I have anxiety talking with any males, I wouldn't even be able to look in their eyes because I feel so much anxiety (never had this issue before either), and to a point where I actually think all other guys are gay.. like looking st signs at why they're gay.

    Now this is very alarming to me since I've spent 24 years of my life believing I was straight and the thought of being gay is honestly really scary. Not because I'm against homosexuality, I actually have a lot of gay friends, who have previously hit on me before numerous times in which all the time I laughed at and played along.

    Some info about me, I'm pretty feminine in the way I present myself but my build and way I carry myself id like to consider masculine. Although I know these are all just stereotypes, i still like to think some of these things carry over and apply. I've always watched straight porn as well and chose the videos based on what girl I found attractive. Ive done a lot of research regarding possibilities, even things like HOCD, but I feel like it keeps coming into a cycle where I think that the possibility of being gay is still there and the only way to find out is to just have a gay experience... which I'm really hesitant on doing.

    Has anyone had any similar experiences to what's going on with me right now and was able to find a conclusion about themselves in the end?

    Thanks!
     
  2. Jmiller85

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Very very similar situation. Went through a bad breakup loved the girl I was with and even loved the sex, she's the only girl I've been with though. We broke up I wanted something easy didn't want to mess with a relationship, got on ****** and found a guy who was looking for a fwb I was hesitant because I had never even slightly been into guys, we took it slow and it's been the most awesome sex ever! Really considering that I'm probably gay.

    I'm here if you wanna talk :slight_smile: