So... I have anxiety, social anxiety, I am shy, low self-esteem probably mostly because I don't work full time. I am a woman. Reasons why I might be lesbian/bi: 1. I admire women... I find them beautiful... but that's really as far as my thoughts go. I did force myself one time to try and think what it would be like actually BEING with that woman and all that it would involve and I felt like vomiting. 2. Majority of people think I'm lesbian because I keep checking people out. Half the time, I don't even think I am because I spot stare and I'm not very good socially. 3. Something goes on with my eyes when I look at some woman...as if I'm actually attracted to them... difficult to explain.. but then when I get to know them.. I don't want to even be their friend. Reasons why I'm straight: Physical reactions why i'm with guy Lots of romantic thoughts I may as well add that I'm a virgin. very shy, immature... ready for it NOW though... but still haven't met a guy that i can trust Also, Some mature men have commented that "i need to have sex".... ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2017 at 12:00 PM ---------- Sorry- meant to say that men have commented "SHE needs to have sex" ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2017 at 12:00 PM ---------- as if it's obvious that i haven't already...
Hmmmm...nothing here really indicates that you are attracted to women. You even seem repulsed by them. Why would you think you are lesbian/bi?
Because other people are certain that I am. Like, literally majority of people. I dress femininly. I am very elegant and girly. My eyes though- I think it looks as if I fancy them. I just generally feel more comfy in a mans company. They make me laugh- I'm able to relax. Women can be bitchy, cliquey and manipulative. Any questions you might be able to ask that might sway what I am one way or the other.
Then those are just what those are people think? That doesn't mean you are what those people think. Furthermore it sounds like you have some internalized misogyny in your own interactions, combined with the insecurity of your sexuality, makes me think you are quite young.
I'm in my 20's and really I should have this figured out ages ago. I don't think I used to be as hateful towards women. Just a few too many hurtful experiences that weren't fitting to how I treated them.
Hey, that's ok if you have hurtful experiences with women. Just keep in mind that not all women are bitchy, catty, or manipulative. I'm not, neither is my best friend, and I assume neither are you. Male friends can have flaws as well. My experiences with befriending men is that they are only nice to women to get in their pants and will end the friendship with you and call you a "bitch/whore" if you didn't want to sleep with them. Many men are violent, sexist, and unhygienic. Most of my experiences with male friends were really hurtful. They were very sexist, only wanted to be my friend to try to sleep with me, and some were so aggressive that I feared for my safety around them. But if I said that all men were violent, gross, rapist pigs, and that's why I didn't want to be friends with them...it wouldn't be very nice. It's okay to be held back by bad experiences with women, but just realize they aren't all that way. I had the same hatred toward men and male friends that you did with women because of my terrible experiences with them, until I realized it was not helpful to generalize.
No, I'm not usually bitchy. Only if someone hurts me, but I don't go out of my way to gossip about someone. I am also worried about meeting a guy that will use me. I have also been hurt by them too. I have fears of being raped. Or of being used to get what they want and then thrown away.... Although, I guess the fact that you said I might be misogynist it made me want to emphasise that part more... so ya, I agree some men can be just as bad and horrible as women...
I don't gossip either, and neither does my best friend. She'll only talk about me to someone else if she has my permission to do so and needs advice. She wouldn't talk about me in a hurtful way. So we are definitely out there. Also, I don't think you are a real misogynist, which is why I used the term internalized misogyny. Internalized misogyny is when a woman is badly affected by sexism in the culture and can use it to believe other women are inferior, including herself. It can be overcome.
Ya, I do feel inferior to other women. They are so much more confident than me. My workplace (when I do get some work) is full of women that ooze confidence.
Popcorn, I have read some of your other threads, and I can empathize with you. No one can tell you what you are, only you can know what makes you, you. But it seems as though you rely heavily on what other people say/think. From what I understand, you get upset when people think or tell you that you are gay, but feel very reassured when someone tells you that you are straight. Have you ever been to a therapist to help you untangle some of the anxieties/phobias that you have? You mentioned fears, and fear plays a huge part in the anxiety response. fear manifests in so many forms; that you might actually be gay deep down and have to face it. If you are straight, then fear of rejection/abandonment by the guy you are dating can be a possibility. These are all very personal experiences that only you can answer yourself (and you don't have to share the answers with anyone), and making lists for people to determine your orientation won't speak your truth for you. Self-acceptance, for those of us that it doesn't come quite so easily, can be a very long and grueling process. If I may suggest seeing a trusted professional to help you sort out the other things, social phobia and internalized misogyny, etc. ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2017 at 10:48 AM ---------- And just to add on, and I don't want to spike your anxiety, but it could be possible that you're not letting yourself feel any sort of same sex attraction. Resistance to letting yourself feel anything can cause a lot of anxiety. And if you still have physical attraction to men, then you can be bi. Being open to what can happen is key. Let yourself feel things. And don't judge yourself when you feel certain things, especially when they are things you don't necessarily want to feel. Everything is much easier said than done, but it is possible and it takes time.
I'm figuring it out too. I think its confusing. In school i always crushed on guys but it was literally only that - a pretty face to stare at. Now i'm in my 20's trying to figure this out. I came on here hoping it'll help cause sexual and romantic fantasies only get me so many answers. I'm a 90's kid so all these labels are confusing, but apparently you can be romantically or sexually attracted sometimes. For me, this could explain why i crushed on guys growing up but was and still am repulsed at the idea of actually doing anything with them.
