1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by aewaew, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. aewaew

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2017
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lebanon
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    hi, i am 34 and i always thought i am bi.
    my main sexual experience was with a boy when i was 14. i didn't enjoy it much then, and i thought it could be because we were just experimenting and had no real feelings.

    i never had any sexual contact with any gender after my first experience due to my self confidence towards my shape(was obese, recently in good shape ) and being too confused of what I wanted.
    i enjoy whatching gay porn and get turned on by it, i also get turned on by the idea of going down on a girl. i have had crushes on both genders.

    recently I met a guy that i liked and had a connection with. so i decided to give it go, and just yesterday we met and we fooled around,
    but to my surprise, when i kissed him, i felt nothing, no sparks, no butterflies nothing. but I did feel closer to him, and wanted to do it because he enjoyed it.
    even worse, when he gave me a blowjob, i couldn't feel anything, i went soft. i even asked him to bite my dick head (sorry) when I was hard and i couldn't feel it. i couldn't feel anything from my penis when he touched it or tried to jack me off.
    i do feel when i masturbate myself.

    i wasnt turned off by him, i enjoyed making him feel good.

    but now im so confused as to what might have happened, its not normal not to feel anything for a guy you like.
    im thinking maybe im kidding myself and im straight.
    has anyone been through it before, he told me maybe im just not attracted to him sexually.
     
  2. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey aewaew,

    Experimenting is good, but trying to understand what your body is telling you that it likes (is attracted to) is the most important thing.

    Many youngsters experiment with sexual relations with same-sex partners to a greater or lesser degree (holding hands, kissing, more intimate sexual contact, etc). That doesn't make someone gay or bi, just curious at that point in their life. Your experience at 14 years of age may have very well been a one time thing.

    Having said that, even bi people are certainly not attracted to everyone they meet. It seems equally possible that the lack of sparks when kissing that guy (plus getting blown by him, etc) meant that he isn't a compatible sexual partner for you as much as it may mean that you are actually completely heterosexual.

    Watching porn is a terrible indicator of sexual preference. The observed sexual acts stimulate a completely different part of the brain from actual sex, in my understanding.

    Some questions that you can ask yourself in order to better understand how you feel about your sexuality are: Can you imagine yourself in a romantic relationship with a woman? Can you imagine yourself in a romantic relationship with a man? Can you imagine yourself in a romantic relationship with both women and men? When you masturbate, without using any pornography, do you fantasize about women? When you masturbate, without using any pornography, do you fantasize about men? When you masturbate, without using any pornography, do you fantasize about women and men?

    Basically, you sound like a nice, straight guy to me. Someone who probably doesn't need to question his sexuality. Rather, just go with the flow of how you feel. But, ultimately, only you can KNOW your own sexuality.

    Just my thoughts.:slight_smile: