Hi all, I'm new to this site so I'm sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place! My name is James and I'm 17 years old. I'm currently questioning my sexuality. I used to identify as gay and I didn't doubt it much. But, once I spoke to my mother about it, she felt I could be bisexual. I told her that I don't get turned on by girls, but she was saying how you don't necessarily get turned on by someone when you first meet them, and instead it can build overtime. I don't know what I am and I don't know how to decide on what I am. I should also state that I get the same feeling about being gay or bi as I do being straight - nothing feels comfortable to me and I feel weird for feeling that way. I don't know if it's because I'm talking to a guy currently so maybe my feelings are focused on him? I'd appreciate anyone's help and insight, just so I can have some kind of closure on the confusions and feelings that I'm experiencing, as it's beginning to take its toll on my anxiety and overthinking, and it really sucks. Thank you to anyone who will help. - James
Hey lje17, Welcome to EC, Do you feel a strong desire to add a label to your sexuality? You like who you like. But I do understand how nice it feels to wear a label that you can connect to. Myself I believe that sexuality is more fluid than most people realise. From what your mother mentioned if that feels right is more on the idea of demisexual. There are more labels than just gay, bi, or straight. Maybe google a few and see if any of those sound like closer to what you feel. Just remember that you can always change your mind afterwards as only you know who you're attracted to. (((((HUGS)))))
Thanks so much for your message Rachyl! I definitely feel I have a strong desire for a label - I guess it's like a way of me feeling certain and decisive in my feelings, and helps me to put the matter to bed I suppose, without needing to question it all the time. I have believed that I am fluid actually; my attraction to boys has been consistent but my feelings towards girls have been fluid, as I find myself sometimes open to the idea of going somewhere with a girl, but other times it would make me feel uncomfortable at the thought of it. I'm going to google the labels and get a better insight into it all, and go by the definition and use that as an indicator into how I feel. I think it's time for me to follow my heart and my feelings, and I think you've helped me to realise that. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me and make me feel better. It truly means a lot. Hugs to you too!<3
What your mom said is surely true, just maybe not for you. I give her some points for trying not to box you in. It sounds like she is an understanding person; that might be just what I would also tell a 17-year old. (Such a youngster.... sorry! had to say it.) Lots of people use the table "bi" on the way to "gay"... not because they are lying to themselves or anyone else, but because they just don't know. Maybe there is exactly one woman in this world who you could love emotionally and physically and live with forever... but how do you even know? Nobody really does. So beyond that, what Rachyl said. How can you not agree with her?
