Am I Gay, Bisexual, or Straight?

I have always ALWAYS had feelings and crushes and attraction towards guys. Ever since I was young. After high school, maybe in in mid 20s, then there would have been times where Id possibly like a girl but then Id get over it. Now I keep having this curiosity of what it'd be like to be with a girl in a relationship or sexually. I was in a 4 month relationship last year with the most amazing guy/person Ive ever known. As our friendship progressed and he would do things for me....I started to love his heart more and more. I would tell friends how much I loved his heart. Seeing him do these things for me because through out my life, Id have a hard time making friends etc. Then when he came along....he made me feel so good about myself. He made me feel so happy. I loved being around him so much. He made me laugh and smile genuinely. I started to notice so much about him. All of the small quirks about him that make him who he is. He likes having a lot of cream and sugar in his coffee. He wrinkles his nose. He snores in his sleep. All of those things I started to notice about him more and more. The past 4 months, its been a constant struggle of knowing if my feelings are still there for him or if my attraction towards guys has just completely gone away. Last year I had a HUGE crush one of my guy friends. It's just been a constant struggle and its caused me so much pain and sadness just not understanding if my feelings are still there for my ex. He is my best friend and I love him so much.

 

No I havent ever had a relationship wth a girl...what scares me is knowing if my attraction towards guys is just gone forever....Ive always had crushes on guys and had feelings towards them...THAT is what scares me...I have had an experience where I kissed a girl and I dont remember if I liked it or not..

---------- Post added 11th Jan 2017 at 08:54 AM ----------

For months Ive been scared in not knowing if I have just became gay or bisexual. I genuinely loved my ex's heart so much. I have never wanted my attraction towards guys to just go away.

---------- Post added 11th Jan 2017 at 09:03 AM ----------

Seeing him fill his coffee with cream and sugar made me genuinely just so happy...as silly and weird as that sounds...He is an AMAZING person and I honestly could defend him to the end of time saying how amazing he is because I have witnessed it every single day. He has been the only person aside from family who has stuck by me through thick and thin and I can honestly never ever repay him back for that. I love him and care about him so much. He became my first real friend and best friend. He always made me feel good about myself.

---------- Post added 11th Jan 2017 at 09:07 AM ----------

Its like what if I end up in a relationship with a girl and my attraction for guys goes away or if it all was just a lie. I 100% have ALWAYS liked guys and I NEVER EVER forced ANY of it. I am just so scared that my attraction towards guys will never come back. My love for my ex's heart was real and I would tell people I know how good of a person he is and how much I loved his heart.

 

When we were together...I"d get aroused feelings from him...he wouldnt even have to kiss me and Id feel them. When we kissed or made out...I dont know if it was from him...or if it was because he was a guy or because he was kissing the spots that turn me on like my neck, back, and chest; he said I would extremely wet.

---------- Post added 11th Jan 2017 at 11:31 AM ----------

Ive had an experience kissing a girl....but I didnt have any desire to kiss her back or do anything physical with her. Like as far as I remember I never had a desire to touch her boob or do anything like that...

---------- Post added 11th Jan 2017 at 11:50 AM ----------

I'm sorry for causing everyone so much trouble. My feelings and attraction towards guys my whole life has been real. I never ever forced ANY of it.

 

I do have a history. I dont think Ive ever been officially diagnosed but...I am on anti-depressants and I do have OCD, Aspergers Syndrome, and possibly anxiety.

 

I just it because....when I was with my ex...I dont know if it was because it was HIM himself who was kissing me, if it was because he is a guy, or if it was because he was kissing my turn on spots such as my neck, chest, and back that made me so wet. He has told me that I would get wet A LOT when we kissed.

---------- Post added 11th Jan 2017 at 06:08 PM ----------

*I just hate it because

 

I just hate it because....when I was with my ex...I dont know if it was because it was HIM himself who was kissing me, if it was because he is a guy, or if it was because he was kissing my turn on spots such as my neck, chest, and back that made me so wet. He has told me that I would get wet A LOT when we kissed.

 

I'm just tired of not knowing if I am still in love with him....and that its hard to know my physical attraction towards someone when I got wet a lot from us kissing or him kissing me...

 

IDK what to feel or believe anymore. Ive watched girl on girl kissing and had some arousal. But then when I was with my ex, he made me wet A LOT when we kissed and made out...and just knowing if I am still in love with him. He has been the only person in the world who truly understands me. Ugh god I am tearing up right now. He has been my best friend for over two years and I love him so much. He did gestures for me before we ever even went out.

On the night of our first kiss, we were seeing a movie. It was snowy and icy. A couple of weeks ago....he and i were chatting and I talked about how I had never received a flower romantically before....well...that night....after we hung out and said our goodbyes; we went to our cars. I was trying to scrape off ice on my car. I was struggling so he came over and helped me. He gave me a bag. I took out a single pink rose. I was breath taken and in shock I pretty much had no words. I spoke up and said, "Oh my God..I cant believe you did this for me..." I was almost in tears. Then we looked at each other and we kissed. I still remember the date of that night.

On Christmas Eve in 2015: he and I went to Church service. We then went back to my house and exchanged gifts. I made him a painting of Navi because I know how much he loves Zelda. I spent days and hours looking for the right materials and making sure it looked good and that he would like it. Then when I opened my gift; I saw a stuffed Snoopy in the box. I looked at him and said "Oh My God..." and took Snoopy out. He knows my love of Snoopy and the Peanuts characters. I literally almost burst into tears I was so taken away and in awe that night. I immediately jumped up and hugged him so tightly. That night and from then on out....all of those things made me see how amazing and beautiful his heart is and was. After that is when I started to really love his heart. I would tell people how much I loved his heart. I would say so many amazing things about him such as how beautiful and genuine of a person he is. How I love being around him so much and how he would always make me smile and laugh. How amazing and beautiful his heat was. How I was so blessed eternally for him being in my life and that I could never ever repay him back for him being so good to me.

He is just the most amazing, kindest, goofiest, sweetest person I have ever known. He has been my best friend since day 1. I honestly cant imagine my life without him in it. He has the purest heart Ive ever known.

And as he has told me, when we were going out; that when we kissed and made out and more; I would get aroused or wet a lot.

I just hate all of this....not knowing if I am still in love with him or who my physical attraction is towards.

 

Im just tired of not knowing if my love is still there for him. I know in my heart I loved him and had feelings for him...and that when we were together he would cause me to become wet. Im just tired in not knowing if I still have attraction towards him. IDK anymore if I am overthinking everything or....I have so many things that he has given me that I have never had the thought or want to get rid of them. I have pictures of us that I again have never had the thought or want to getting rid of them.

 

Im just tired of feeling miserable and not knowing if I am still in love with my ex boyfriend. I am just tired of not knowing who I am sexually attracted to.

 

I am just so tired of feeling miserable. I am just so tired of not knowing if I am in love with him still. All I know is....when I started to love his heart more and more...when I started to see him...I didnt really ever look at physical looks. The things that I fell in love with or loved most about him is/was the quirks I learned about him and seeing him do many amazing gestures for me. After that happened I genuinely started to love his heart even more. And I do remember feeling aroused feelings when I was with him and before. Also with him telling me I would get wet when he kissed me. I also would feel light headed and in the cloud 9 mode after we kissed.