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Old 12th Jan 2017, 02:51 AM   #1
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I'm confused and unsure and overwhelmed.

Hello everyone. This is my first post so please bear with me. Thank you ahead for reading.

Some stuff about me: Iím nearly 20 and Iíve never dated anyone. Iíve had no experience at all with relationships or anything. Iíve grown up and continue to live in an at times emotionally abusive and unstable home. I do suffer from mental illness but Iím handling it pretty well.

My problem is that Iím just so confused.
On and off for about 6 years Iíve been questioning my sexuality, after I had a crush on my best friend. When I wasnít thinking about it, it wasnít because I had feelings for a guy or something. I just became too busy. I was never boy crazy and I never really found men attractive. I always complimented the women in my life and I always had little obsessions with different female celebrities.
All the crushes I had on boys in school, I realised were because they paid me attention. I never really cared much about them and I didnít act in a way that most people do when they like someone.

The past few years have been really stressful and only just now, I am getting a bit more support so I have been able to enjoy life a bit more. Recently, after watching a TV character that I really relate to, come out, I started thinking about it again. I realised that I watch a lot of TV shows because they have lesbian characters. That was about 2 months ago. I went clubbing and a drunk girl kissed me (it was my first kiss) and I spent the rest of the night hoping she would do it again and I got jealous when she started chatting up a guy. Since then I havenít been able to stop thinking about it. Am I gay? Were the TV shows I watch just making me think I was? I told my best friend that I donít like guys. Sheís been super good and accepting of me.

I canít really imagine myself being with a guy in any way and I still donít find men attractive. The idea of dating a woman feels more comfortable and nice to me but there are times that I donít find anyone attractive, even women. Like I will look at a photo of a woman and I wonít initially think Ďdamn sheís hotí. Then other times, Iím so sure that Iím gay because I just want to be with a woman. The idea of talking to women in a romantic sense scares me and talking to men in that sense just doesnít interest me. I donít think Iím bisexual and Iím pretty sure Iím not straight. (I did those online quizzes too and they all said I was gay).

The things Iím worried about:

- I donít find all girls attractive. Like I donít find my best friend attractive. When I go out I test what I find attractive and I rarely find a heaps of women I find attractive.
- Iím messaging with a lesbian girl from a different country at the moment and to be honest; sheís beautiful and if given the chance I would date her but I donít really get that take my breath away feeling.
- I donít want to be straight. Am I just making myself feel this way?
- Iím scared that once I work through my issues with my family that I will want to date men.

Thank you so much for reading this. I feel like Iíve probably missed so much information. I think that I just needed to get a lot of this out of my head for once. Itís such a mess up there haha.
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 03:28 PM   #2
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Re: I'm confused and unsure and overwhelmed.

This sounds a lot like me. I'm questioning myself so I can't give you the most solid advice, but it sounds like you like girls with a low sex drive. You might just have a taste for certain women, and honestly, if you feel like dating a women then whether or not you label yourself 'bisexual', 'lesbian' 'straight', or whatever, shouldn't come between that. Feelings are feelings and can't be categorized too easily, so I say just go with your gut. If you like someone then you like someone, and if you don't like someone, then that's the way it is.
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 04:49 PM   #3
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Re: I'm confused and unsure and overwhelmed.

As far as not finding all girls attractive, that is completely normal. Even if straight, you wouldn't find every guy attractive. So that isn't an issue. There's tons of guys I don't find attractive, but to see one that piques my interests, that's just a beautiful thing. And maybe some of the reason for your tv show preferences, is that even on a subconscious level it is just something you're drawn to, it gives you something to relate to.
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Old 12th Jan 2017, 05:37 PM   #4
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Re: I'm confused and unsure and overwhelmed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkanddream View Post
Then other times, Iím so sure that Iím gay because I just want to be with a woman.
Yes that would convince me too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkanddream View Post
The idea of talking to women in a romantic sense scares me and talking to men in that sense just doesnít interest me.
I'm convinced even more.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkanddream View Post
I donít want to be straight.
You aren't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkanddream View Post
Iím scared that once I work through my issues with my family that I will want to date men.
Won't happen. It's just not that easy (or even possible) to erase sexual preferences.
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