I am in a rut, I feel entirely pathetic. I am in my early 30s and I am still a virgin, I have had sexual experiences but never all the way. I come from a Christian background and since I have always been questioning I think I just decided to steer clear from it. All my relationships and sexual experiences have been with women and I enjoyed them. Plus the only person I have ever been in love with is a woman But I find myself heavily attracted to men and watch a lot of gay porn. I feel VERY pathetic, and I feel like my situation makes me cut myself off from people and I am slowly becoming more isolated and I hate it but then again I can't exactly help it. I was hanging with some of my younger buddies a few nights ago and all they talked about was getting laid and all I could do was just sit there and play along. I'm tired of wearing a mask I want to live and stop y admy life. If I came out as gay or bisexual I would loose people in my life, quite a few actually but at this point I'm really close to saying F*ck it. Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated.
Do you have an LGBT friends you could talk to? It seems you know that you are going to have some turnover when you come out, but that's not a bad thing. However, you need to be careful about saying your questioning because many people assume that homosexuality is a personal choice and use that confusion as an excuse. You could do like what some of my school friends have done, at least via Facebook, where they announce they are attracted to men and women after they have started telling close friends/family.
First of all, you are not pathetic, at all. Try to order what friends you can safely come out to and those that it may be harder. Also remember that friends who leave you because you have other sexual orientations are not worthy of being called "friends", trust me. I know how it feels. Now, for what you have said about your sexual orientation, I'm pretty sure you're bisexual, but only you can know it perfectly. Stay strong, and remember we're here for you ! (*hug*)
