Can sexuality or possibly experimenting be a phase?

In my opinion, the vast majority of straight guys would be repulsed at the idea of having sex with another guy. He's having sex with you, so by definition he is at the very least flexible with his sexuality and not straight. It is more likely that he is either gay or bisexual.

The most common sexual stress relief for most guys is masturbation. If straight guys were willing to have sex with other guys in the same way they masturbate for relief, there would be a lot more gay sex happening.

Just my thoughts.

 

I don't think being with guys would ever be "easy stress relief" for a straight man. Straight men usually don't want to be seen as gay.

I think it's unlikely for someone to be with men in college and then decide he's 100% straight, but I don't feel comfortable speculating on this guy's sexuality. If he says he's straight, he's straight. If that's not actually the case, it's up to him to figure that out for himself.

 

Sounds like the male version of the lesbian until graduation thing. Some straight people just want to get off with same sex sex and then go back to dating. I know a lot of straight guys who sleep with men in private but will never admit to doing it because of the stigma involved.

 

Is it possible that they are gay or at least bi, but won't admit to it because they are in the closet because of the stigma involved? If they have to sleep with men in private to fulfill something they aren't getting from their outwardly straight lifestyle, I just don't see that as being straight, IMO.

But as far as this guy goes, it's possible that he is some level of not-straight, but it doesn't fit in with the life he had at home, or planned for his future self - heteronormativity, conservative upbringing, etc etc. But that's up to him to figure out for himself so if he says he's straight ya gotta take it at face value I s'pose

 

Depends. What about "straight" women that sleep with women for fun? Wouldn't it be possible that they are lesbians or at least bi, but won't admit to it because they would lose their straight privilege?

I don't completely disagree. I only hate that there's a weird double standard that straight men are all secretly gay for enjoying a one timer with other men, but straight women who sleep with women for fun are never called lesbians or bisexuals. Either both genders are in denial about being gay/lesbian or both genders are just straight people having some fun and experimentation....idk. I don't think you can be a straight woman if you sleep with women either, since the whole definition of straight girl is "sleeps with men only and never with women". So I don't disagree with the premise you bring up, but there is definitely a double standard in our society.

 

I definitely agree with you about the double standard. I was looking at your original statement though in a different context. I took it to mean that you know men who call themselves straight, but have a secret sexual lifestyle they keep hidden due to the stigma. I think that situation would differ from the women who experiment with a woman "for fun," which I interpreted as curiosity, trying something different, or even for male attention, and it's not necessarily a big secret. Maybe they are heterosexual leaning with a teensy bit of bisexual. And then there are men who are comfortable with who they are, and aren't afraid of any judgment if they experiment or had a little fun with a man. So many possibilities ! Also I have a migraine and I'm having trouble articulating things that are happening in my brain, sorry!

 

Well, my point is that straight men experimenting is usually done in the same way. They usually want to try it to see if they like it "for fun", and usually they don't like it and go back to being the way they were before. The only reason It's kept secret is because straight men experimenting is such a huge taboo. They'll be called gay no matter what and most straight women will never give them a chance in dating at all. They may even be assaulted or killed for admitting it if they're in a homophobic area. Straight women that experiment don't face this because It's not seen as unacceptable or taboo or experiment with women and still be "straight". So sometimes they do keep it secret, even if they are completely straight, because they regret their past and don't want it to hurt their image in regards to how bad they'll be treated by others. This simply just never happens to straight women so the circumstances are different.

 

There is a difference between how one identifies versus the evidence of their sexuality. Someone can identify themselves as straight all they want, but the fact of their having sex with someone of their same gender gives evidence of their not being straight, no matter how they self-identify. Of course, as you point out, pj sparkles, you have to take them at face value - it's their journey and not yours.

My response to OP was basically saying that his friend may be self-identifying as straight, for whatever reasons, but that doesn't mean he IS straight. In my opinion, straight men and women don't have sex with their same gender, regardless of how they identify.

 

I don't disagree with that I'm_gay. I'm only pointing out we have a lot of double standards that only bash on "straight" men who sleep with men. Look at all the people on EC that self identify as gay men or lesbians when they willingly sleep with the opposite sex. Technically, they can't be gay either, they are bisexual or even straight if they willingly sleep with the opposite sex.

Now, It's one thing if you got married without knowing you were gay or if you have to sleep with the opposite sex to stay in the closet, but few would stay in that situation if they had the choice. I have seen people who willingly have friends with benefits with the opposite sex and still self-identify as gay cause they wouldn't date them. I see "lesbians" defending wanting to sleep with men for fun and pleasure, and if we say they are not gay we get accused of "gate-keeping" or "label policing" here on EC.

It goes both ways. If straight people can't sleep with the same sex, gay people can't sleep with the opposite sex and enjoy it. Bisexuality is the only label that allows flexibility with both.

 

I absolutely agree with you CreativeMind. That's the problem with labels and how we identify based upon them. There is a double standard here and there shouldn't be. I really wasn't meaning to take issue with your post. I agree with you that a guy who is "experimenting" with guys should be able to figure out pretty quickly if he likes it or not. If he does, and continues having sex, then I would think he is at least bi if not gay.

To OP: This is my point that I hope answers your question. If your friend is continuing to have sex with you, more than just a one- or two-time thing, then despite his statement that he's straight, I don't think he is.

ride:

 

most guys don't experiment in the way your talking. Usually experimentation for guys happens in the early teen years if at all. Sounds like he's bi since he said "after college he thinks he will only be with women" And like I'm Gay said, I think most guys would be repulsed at the thought of having sex with another guy(at least straight guys). Stress relief?!?!?!? wtf?!?! That seems very strange to me. It sounds to me like he's either gay or bi and in denial about it

---------- Post added 19th Jan 2017 at 06:28 PM ----------

I also don't get the whole thing of people calling themselves straight and having sex with the same gender more than ounce. That to me seems like extreme denial.

---------- Post added 19th Jan 2017 at 06:31 PM ----------

agreed

 

Oh yes! And the majority of the reason I didn't start questioning and accepting certain things until my late 20s. If he's in college, and looking for stress relief, and straight, I'm sure there's no shortage of women on campus or where you live. But he's choosing to sleep with you, I imagine he is attracted to you, and although he's self identifying as straight, his actions show otherwise. Now, if he slept with you once, or even twice *just* to make sure, realized it did nothing for him and made him feel a little awkward, that's one thing. But it seems he's enjoying what he has with you.

 

Just read through the posts in the Later in Life section and you will see just how common denial is. I was in denial of my sexuality for decades.

 

Sounds like he is in denial, honestly.. Or making an excuse to not be in a more stronger relationship with you

 

Try and talk with him about it.

 

You could try to talk to him about it, but do realize that if he is not accepting of his sexuality, then he will likely deny that he is gay or bisexual - and might even resent what he will see as your attempt to convince him that he is gay.

I would suggest that you enjoy being with him if you still want to have sex with him, and give him the time and space to figure this out on his own. Be there as a friend if he ever wants to talk about it.

It is not your responsibility to get him to accept his homosexuality, or even wise to attempt to do so, in my opinion.

Take care. ride: