For a long time I thought I was straight and actively into guys until in 2015 I decided that the feelings I had brushed off about girls for the past 3 years (before that, I don't have many clues) were really starting to stack up and become unignorable. Of course the logical thing to label myself was bi. But as soon as I opened up in that way, my interest in men plummeted. Furthermore, before 2016 I had no actual chances at relationships or sexual encounters, but now men in particular are very interested in me, and no matter how good looking or nice they seem, trying to engage with them is incredibly uncomfortable for me. Meanwhile I have had a lot of big crushes on girls where I think I've worked out how loving someone is supposed to feel, and have had my only good kiss with a girl. All my kisses with guys have been sort of repulsive. I still aesthetically find men beautiful but I've realised the emotional response is not comparable. I don't have a problem calling myself a lesbian... Maybe I do a little or something but thats not what's bothering me. I feel like a bisexual who's had half of me chopped off. I don't understand why I thought I was straight for so long if this is how I am. I don't think this is a legitimate narrative (I understand there are late in lifers, but most of them say they were repressing and denying since like 11 and I never felt in conflict like that). Am I just nervous and therefore uncomfortable with men because I have no experience whatsoever? Or did I just not understand love and romance before, and that's why I was always off the mark about my sexuality, but now I understand how I'm supposed to feel and i know i can't feel that with guys? I just wanna know that I didn't have to know so that I can stop bargaining about what im willing to do with guys... (Also I'm angry because I'm one of those people who just seem really obviously gay on people's gaydar somehow and my whole life I've had to be like "No I'm straight, people are not stereotypes" and I feel like I've failed haha) That was me trying to be breif apparently... Sorry I post one of these rants like every 3 months
Having seen you around and read your (good) advice to others, I just have the gut feeling that the quoted paragraph could be right. And it shows that you are an insightful person, which (often) means an understanding person, which means people should want to date you. I suppose it's not written on your forehead though. FWIW you seem like one of the more comfortable, stable people around here. You're a good influence on those poor kids who are "testing" and second-third-fourth-guessing themselves.
Hi there! I think I remember you on one thread I posted on. Thanks for the advice but, I think I just worded the second question in that paragraph really badly, but the two questions mean very different things... So saying you agree with that paragraph doesn't make much sense. If the first question is right, I'm bi and i just need to work out what problem I'm having connecting with guys. If the second question is right, I'm gay. If you think I'm bi, then how do I fix this situation? I've had good looking men, nice guys and friends like me but I always have this moment where 1. I feel too uncomfortable (this could be with flirting, with touching, with the fact that a guy might have a proper crush on me there's just always a point) and I have to shut it down 2. I kiss them and I really don't like it and I just dissapear away. I think perhaps it is possible that my worries about my sexuality make me hypersensitive to anything feeling wrong... I dunno. If I'm gay then I don't have to worry about where that moment of anxiousness is coming from - it's just cos being with guys isn't right for me.
Ah, I see. The way I read it, the second question is right. You always sounded not-all-gay to me. (Maybe it's just because I like girls like you and was hoping.. At this point I will not remark on how young you are. I could be wrong, but I also think there's less harm done by thinking you're bi and then just drifting over to no I'm gay. Rather than thinking I'm gay and then having a self-image-shattering experience with a guy. At this point I will not comment on your maybe overthinking it. Because you're not: you're about-right-thinking it. Somehow that's part and parcel of my gut feeling that you are pretty well balanced. Anyway good luck! Make somebody happy.
Aha I see your bias! I have one guy friend that likes me and one that doesn't. And naturally the one that likes me thinks I'm bi and will defend my current label against the other who is convinced I'm a lesbian in denial haha. Seriously tho, thanks. I'm glad you don't think I'm overthinking it. I do try to keep myself within the realm of reason but I am a bit of an overthinker at times.
