To start off, I am not used to (read: almost never) expressing my feelings, especially my innermost feelings. So this is a bit hard for me to post this thread as I don't know how to express myself so expect it to be a bit wonky. I am quite unsure of my sexuality, whether I am gay or bisexual. I started questioning myself a few months ago though I know I have been a bit attracted to boys for almost 1 years. The thing is, I am not sure if I am gay or I just want to be able to talk to someone and express myself. I study in a boy's secondary school and I am not so social so I rarely see any girls and I don't really have many friends. I don't even know what is a friend. I talk with my classmates and chat with them but I don't know if I consider them my friend. In fact, I have always been a loner for almost my whole life and only started talking more and being more social in these few years. So I am really confused whether I like boys or just want a channel to be able express myself. However, I have been a bit attracted to some of my classmates. I would think they looked cute, a bit like how girls think how a man looks handsome, and wanted to ask him out. I would sometimes be a bit jealous whenever I see or read about gay relationships. This part is a bit hard and confusing for me, especially to express. I want to know what its like to kiss a boy and want to be in a relationship. Sometimes I would wonder what it will be like dating my "friend" (I have no idea how to classify one as a friend, though I think I am using this term correctly). I am also a bit attracted to girls, I think. Though with my lack of interaction, its a bit hard for me to determine. It has always been hard to me to express myself emotionally. This is the first time I am revealing what my true thoughts are, to a certain extent, as I have no idea how to truly express myself. I rarely talk about what I am feeling or what is on my mind. No one in my family knows about my problems and I plan to keep it that way. At least until I decide I am ready, which may be never. I am not even sure I will post this. I think this is all I have to say for now. I hope I can get some advice.
Hi ProffersCentral, I want to welcome you to EC, and congratulate you on finding the courage to talk about your feelings here in your first post. This is a safe place to talk about your feelings, and there are many people who will listen to you and read your story, and we'll do everything we can to help. I also wanted to tell you that what you are feeling is normal. When a person thinks he or she may be attracted to members of their same sex, it can be confusing and frightening, and it becomes even more difficult to figure things out when you fear anyone else knowing that you feel this way. You also have the added challenge of being surrounded by boys at a school without girls, so your exposure to girls is more limited. You have taken a great first step in your journey by admitting that you might be gay or bisexual based upon your attractions to other boys, and that in itself is a step you should be proud of. It's a hard thing to admit that you are attracted to boys. You'll figure out if you are also attracted to girls in time. I would suggest that you let this journey unfold at its own pace. Finding self-acceptance of whatever your sexuality turns out to be should be your primary goal. While you're doing that, work on making friends and meeting new people, and you'll figure everything out as time goes on. Take care. ride:
Thanks for the reply I'm gay. Really appreciate it. (Question: Did you purposely change your name to that so people will have to say they are gay whenever they refer to you? :lol: ) The problem is, I have no idea how to make new friends. The only people I can talk to are my schoolmates and even then, its still quite tough since I can't speak Chinese fluently. I really want to meet new people and make new friends but its is really tough for me to be social and engage/start a conversation. The only person not from my school that I tried to befriend is already out of contact. Thank you for the advice.
Actually, can my attraction to boys just be a phase? I've been thinking about it. Considering my lack of someone to talk to and my lack of emotional release over my whole life, perhaps my attraction could just be myself hungry for some conversation. Added with the flood of hormones and puberty, its possible that the infatuation could just be temporary. And before you say anything, I know my self-analysis is just me rejecting my sexuality and blah, blah, blah.
