I'm a 26 year old female, currently in a long term relationship with a male. Before 2 weeks ago, I had no doubts about our relationship at all. So two weeks ago, I smoked weed (which I've done multiple times before) and had the thought "Am I a lesbian?" It freaked me the eff out because it's never really been a question I've asked myself before. I thought about it all week. Wondering about being a lesbian and it didn't make sense because I keep going back to thinking about all the guys I've had crushes on, liked, kissed, and dated in the past. I really don't feel like those feelings were fake or forced. So I thought maybe I'm bisexual? Still not quite convinced though. I ended up telling my boyfriend all of my thoughts because I really can't hold something like that in. He told me had been thinking the exact same thoughts about himself recently. Weird timing, right? What the hell was in that weed we smoked. He was so supportive and optimistic that if we know we both don't want to ruin this relationship and love each other, than how can either of us be gay/lesbian? I felt better for a week after that conversation and barely even thought about it. But then last Saturday night/Sunday all the thoughts came flooding back. And this time I couldn't shake them. I've been SEVERELY depressed and anxious trying to wrap my head around what is happening and where it came from. I can't let it go. I think about it whenever I'm awake. I'm having trouble sleeping and eating. Work barely distracts me. I just feel so consumed. So I've tried to go through every phase in my life to see if there are any thoughts or feelings I've been repressing about girls and I'm coming up blank. All I've got is that I've been aroused by lesbian porn, and usually watch that or FFM porn when I do decide to watch porn, which isn't often. As I think about my past, I've never had a crush on a girl, never liked a girl and felt weird about it. Never saw a girl and wanted to kiss her or see her naked. I would say I'm physically attracted to women, like i know they are beautiful, but I have always felt jealous, not true sexual/romantic attraction. Thinking about being a lesbian and breaking up with my boyfriend truly devastates me. It's the hardest part of it all. Up until 2 weeks ago, I had no question we would be together forever, as cheesy as that sounds. Now I'm questioning everything and I don't even know what is real. My best friend has been really great and supportive but now I'm even scared to spend time with her because I'm so confused! We obviously have a very close emotional connection, or else we wouldn't be best friends, but I have never had any more feelings than that before. So I'm just freaking out now. Does anyone have some input/advice/relief they can provide for me? I can't go through another week like this.
How long have you been in a relationship with this guy? It doesn't sound like you are lesbian at all. But I have heard of this thing where one partner senses the other's internal issues because they are so connected emotionally. I thought of that when you said he came to you with the same question about himself. Could it be that you are so in-tuned to each other that your lesbian question was actually his thoughts about himself you were feeling? Him questioning if he is gay somehow you picked up on and internalized as your question.
Sidenote: I started antibiotics for a stomach virus the morning I started feeling very depressed again. My therapist looked up my antibiotics and found that its very rare but some people have severe mood changes, anxiety and depression. I brought this up to my doctor and GI doctor and they both me to finish the antibiotics. Has anyone ever had bad experiences with antibiotics? ---------- Post added 22nd Jan 2017 at 06:25 PM ---------- We've been together for 2 years and 4 months. I feel like I'm the one struggling with it the most if this is the case. ---------- Post added 22nd Jan 2017 at 06:26 PM ---------- Sorry, still learning how to use this. We've been together for 2 years and 4 months. I feel like I'm the one struggling with it the most if this is the case. ---------- Post added 22nd Jan 2017 at 06:44 PM ---------- We've been together for 2 years and 4 months. I feel like I'm the one struggling with it the most if this is the case.
It's definitely quite possible that the antibiotics have something to do with it. I've heard many anecdotal stories. (For what that's worth.) Regarding the porn: normal. Google around and be surprised that an actual majority of straight women (who watch porn) prefer lesbian porn. The strong opinion on this forum is that porn prefs mean nothing. Daydream fantasies, crushes, masturbation (non-porn) fantasies... tell more. Maybe try eating the ganja instead of smoking... mellower high with less anxiety perhaps.
