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Just trying to figure out what I am

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by dyingbutthrivin, Jan 24, 2017.

  1. dyingbutthrivin

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Britain
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    So, my first few posts were about me going "Am I ace?? Latebloomer?? I'm only 13??" and being very anxious, frantic and confused, but After reading all the replies, I've calmed down quite a abit and know I'm just trying to figure it out, y'know? Like, at my own pace and stuff. So, I just have some like questions to help me better understand everything.

    1)Everyone is always talking about attraction but no one ever explains how exactly does it feel like. Most people say it's just the desire to have sex with a certain someone but others say it's when you feel some sort of 'magnetism' toward someone. So can smeone please clarify:confused:
    2)So, is attraction really that !!! or is everyone just exaggerating?
    3) If I want to have sex with, say, e.g Hayley Atwell or someone, does that automatically mean I'm attracted to her?
    4) Is attraction really that distracting to the Straights™ or is it just ?
    5) So i'm in a relationship with a girl but I often kind of feel pressurised because she's attracted to me, apparantly, and I ? am confused? What do I do? Especially when everyone automatically assumes i'm a lesbian.
    Please, like help if you can : )
     
  2. Iliricon

    Regular Member

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    Ok, you are 13. Full stop... Attraction, sex, everything does not need to start until a lot later, so first thing I recommend would be: stay calm, and take your time.

    1) It is a bit different for everybody, but there are general things: Physical reaction (like an erection) and I would say physical-emotional reactions, I get a warm, calm feeling, get very sensitive to touch on my whole body, wanting to kiss the other person to the point where I kinda drift towards them.
    2) It does not need to be very strong or urgent, it depends on thousands of factors: mood, other people, general level of comfort.
    3) Can't tell
    4) It can, some have strong urgent attractions, some have a lot of control over them, it depends.
    5) You are 13! Don't let yourself be pressured into something you are not ready for! I had sex for the first time and felt real visceral attraction when I was 20, so go figure.

    You are way to young to need a definite answer. Many other people your age are not yet sexual. The probability that you are a late bloomer is a lot higher then you being in ace. Evaluate everything along the question: Do I like what's happening, and not: Does that mean I am...
     
  3. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    Out to everyone
    It varies. Some people feel attraction super strongly and immediately think about having sex with good looking people. Some people don't do that at all. For me, I can tell I'm attracted to someone if I feel like I'd like to kiss them. I don't think about sex with every person I'm attracted to, it isn't some overwhelming, distracting feeling. I just think that kissing that person would be really nice, and that's not something I feel about people for whom I only have platonic feelings.

    But Iliricon is right. You're 13. Even if you experience no sexual attraction, that is completely normal. It doesn't even make you a late bloomer. It just makes you a pretty typical 13 year old.
    You only ever hear about other 13 year olds who are attracted to other people and want to have sex with them because they think that makes them seem cool and mature. This is an age where people really play up the parts of themselves that they think will make other people think they're cool. People aren't walking around going "I don't experience sexual attraction yet" because that's not what's going to make them sound cooler, but there are lots of people at that age who don't have sexual attractions yet.
     
  4. I'm gay

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    Sexual attraction is something you know when you feel it. If you haven't felt it yet (which at 13 is totally normal), then you just haven't matured enough in your sexuality. You will. And when you feel it, you'll know, and you'll suddenly go "oh, that's what everyone is talking about."

    You can't make those feeling happen by having a cognitive understanding of them. They will happen when they happen, so stop trying to force it.

    My best advice is to get into your life, hobbies, school, sports, and stop worrying about all of this. Believe us when we tell you that you'll know when you start really feeling sexual attraction. You will also have a much better understanding of your orientation then.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: