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can't figure out if i'm on the asexuality spectrum.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by shakespeare, Jan 26, 2017.

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  1. shakespeare

    shakespeare
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    i've never had a crush before. ever. i've done my fair share of experimenting with girls and have gone on a bunch of dates (i've had two girlfriends so far and one current-ish). while making out and ~other stuff~ has definitely been enjoyable and ive found myself turned on when i'm with them, i feel like it's strange that i never had crushes on them, or on anyone for that matter. i often find that i can't get invested in emotional relationships, but if the other person makes the effort i'm glad to reciprocate. i'm a bit socially awkward, so i'm having trouble figuring out if i'm aro/ace or if i'm just being my regular introverted self. any advice?
     
    #1 shakespeare, Jan 26, 2017
  2. HM03

    HM03
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    Some people will adamantly protest the existence of asexuality and the ace spectrum. But really, they only how they feel sexually/romantically, not how you feel.

    That being said, you said you found the other stuff enjoyable, and you find yourself turned on. Which makes me feel like you're on the sexual spectrum lol. I'd say don't stress about it, and just see how things turn out though.

    Personally speaking, I find guys cute and all, but rarely crush. The first time I really liked a guy, I was 19, almost 20. And before that I didn't really go crazy over any guys. Myself (and I'm sure other people too) struggle to make emotional connections with people on any level - either because we put up walls so to speak, or because we just don't click with certain people.
     
    #2 HM03, Jan 26, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2017
  3. Chip

    Chip
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    At age 15, it's very, very likely that what you're experiencing is well within the normal spectrum of human sexual experience. Some people feel super strong feelings at that age, others don't develop such feelings until much later.

    On the specific question of asexuality, if we're using the widely used and accepted definition, from what you are describing, you wouldn't fit the criteria. Asexuality according to the accepted definition is hardwired and unchangeable, and is a complete lack of interest in sex, and a complete lack of sexual arousal. As a hardwired condition, it is just as unchangeable as homo or heterosexuality is.

    There's a tiny-but-loud minority of people promoting alternative definitions, but these aren't based in any research, study, or other validation, nor is there even any other credible basis on which to root these concepts. More than likely those who identify using the alternate definitions are more likely experiencing something that is either temporary or rooted in other factors -- difficulty with emotional expression, childhood trauma, having depression or anxiety, and various other things -- which can suppress interest in sex.

    If you were an adult, I'd say look into what could be getting in the way of experiencing sexual arousal. But at your age, my guess is it is simply a function of being the age you are, as hormonal expression can vary widely during the teen years.

    I realize that makes it difficult to figure yourself out but unfortunately, that kind of comes with the territory. The thing to take away is... from your description, you're completely normal, well within the bounds of the ordinary homo or heterosexuality spectrum, and it's most likely something that will change over time in the next year or two.
     
    #3 Chip, Jan 27, 2017
  4. Creativemind

    Creativemind
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    That doesn't sound asexual at all. If anything, it sounds like "aromantic" is the term you're looking for considering you get turned on by them but lack an emotional connections. Asexuals have no interest in anything sexual or physical, but can (or may not) feel deep, emotional connections with others.

    But It's also likely that you just haven't really accepted being gay yet since a lot of gay people find it hard to be emotionally invested in the same sex until they get more experience.
     
    #4 Creativemind, Jan 27, 2017
  5. Chip

    Chip
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    "aromantic" is another label for which there's no support in the literature, research, or in the extensive experience of the majority of therapists and professionals who work with these populations.

    I think the second part of Creativemind's post is the most likely, or the part I mentioned about other factors impacting emotional connection.
     
    #5 Chip, Jan 27, 2017
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