So I'm 17-year-old girl and I am super confused. Since I was in first grade I have had crushed on guys. I also started watching porn and masturbating at a very young age (11) so I was very aware of what sex was and what an orgasm felt like. Anyway, throughout middle school I would obsess over boys and hope that they would one day like me. My freshman-sophomore year of high school I liked this one guy. I wished that we would one day have sex or that he would ask me out, but like usual I was friend zoned. Around the end of sophomore year I realized I found girls attractive and more than just pretty, so I got worried that I was a lesbian and that I have been in denial about it my whole life. I still have this worry and have months where I can't get out of bed because I fear I am gay, but then when I'm done worrying about it I have crushes on guys and girls without. Do you think Am I an in denial lesbian or am I just bisexual? I also looked it up one day and someone said that all bisexuals are just in denial lesbians and their crushes on guys will go away? Is that true?
If you feel that you are attracted to guys and have masturbated to them because you are turned on by it in a similar way you are attracted to girls, then no you are not a lesbian. A lesbian would only be attracted to girls which you clearly have stated you like both. As to that bi women are lesbians in denial is not true. Some people will say you are gay in denial or you are just trying to impress a guy. This is what is known as biphobia and bi-erasure. It is when people do not want to acknowledge the existence of someone who is bisexual. Take it from me, you'll get it a lot and most of the time you can't change others opinions. What you shouldn't do is try to prove to them or yourself that you are bi. you are older than I am and I have never dated a girl or guy for the reason of being seen as gay or straight by peers. I am constantly told I am lying for attention or that I'm just gay and don't want to admit it, normally followed up by being called a faggot. There is nothing wrong with being bi and we normally have different preferences. I started to realize I was attracted to guys in the 3rd grade and by the end of grade 4, girls as well. I was told by teachers and social workers that it wasn't a real thing and I had to suppress my feelings to fit their standards. All that did was make me in denial about being bi and made me feel worse for being bi. Also, if you date a guy, you won't be straight again or be gay if you are with a girl. It's not how it works. You said that someone told you that your crushes on guys will go away, that is false. If your sexuality changes, it's not because of time passing, it was just that you misread your feelings or couldn't understand them yet. I have been this way for a while and it is not a "phase" that you can grow out of. If you have any questions you are free to ask me or anyone else who is bisexual on this site questions. Take care of your self and good luck!
Thank you! Ya it's been confusing trying to figure it out. I have bad anxiety so whenever told me that I was indenial about being a lesbian I would freak out and think that my crushes on guys weren't real. I'm starting to accept the fact that I am bisexual despite what my peers may say. Thanks for the support it really does help!
With that kind of insight you could be the adviser here instead of the advisee. Trust yourself, you sound pretty solid.
