from gay to bisexual

Hello Loppox,

I'm a bisexual male who became attracted to men, or at least realized I was attracted to them, around 22; I am now 25. There are times when I used to go out before I was in a relationship and flirt with women non-stop, want to kiss them, be intimate, and overall enjoyed my sexual experiences with every women I've been with. There are also times where my sexuality will fluctuate, and I will start staring at men. It's completely normal as sexuality is never binary, no matter what society tells you. It's best to go with the flow rather than fight against it. It felt completely right to claim bisexuality for me. When I thought I was gay, it didn't sit in my soul properly, nor did claiming heterosexuality, so I found the happy medium! I was absolutely terrified when I first realized I was bisexual; it can be horrifying. I would do anything to exert a sense of heteronormativity for myself to ease the stress. It all subsides once you realize that it isn't in your control. Best of luck!

 

I've gone through this.

1. How long did you identify as gay?
from sophomore year of highschool to my first year of college, so about 4 years
2. Did you identify as bisexual before you identified as gay, only to go back to being bisexual?
I had dated boys in middle school but it never really sat right. It wasn't bad just never what I wanted. I knew I liked how girls looked and I had crushes on girls so when a friend told me she was bisexual, I told her I was to. we wound up hooking up and I finally had that experience with another person I had wanted. I thought I must be a lesbian then. I'm still much more attracted to women, but in college I met this wonderful guy and we've been together ever since. Even though I prefer women, it's easier to tell people I'm bisexual than to try to explain the kinsey scale.
3. How did you realize you were bisexual and not gay?
"in college I met this wonderful guy and we've been together ever since."
I consider him an exception though. Otherwise I'd likely ID as a straight transman
4. Did it scare you? or did it feel natural and not that big of a deal?
With all the self analyzation I've done over the years, when something feels right that's what I go with. When I love someone, that doesn't change my identity, it just brings me closer to the overall truth. I can see the picture clearer with each experience.

 

A close friend of mine... Pretty Gay for most of his life, but he had some relationships with women.

 

1. How long did you identify as gay?

I identified as gay for about 4 years. Realized I was not straight at 20. I started to identify as bisexual at around 24

2. Did you identify as bisexual before you identified as gay, only to go back to being bisexual?
I never identified as bisexual. I thought because I hadn't experienced any real crushes on men that I was gay. I was more sexually attracted to women so I assumed I had to be a lesbian. I also never had a legitimate crush on a man or woman so I just went with my attractions and identified as gay.

3. How did you realize you were bisexual and not gay?
Over time, I noticed more of a shift in my sexual attractions. Because I became more aware of what sexual attraction felt like, I noticed that I also had it towards men. It was not as strong but it was definitely there. Then I finally had a sexual experience with a man, enjoyed it very much and decided to identify as bisexual.

4. Did it scare you? or did it feel natural and not that big of a deal?
It felt natural. I was worried that my brain wanted to trick me into being bisexual because I hated being gay for such a long time but I've come to feel comfortable identifying as LGBT and realized that my mind wasn't playing tricks. I was in fact bisexual. It was definitely a lot easier transitioning from gay to bisexual than it was from straight to gay. I have to say that I do find it harder to come out now that I identify as bisexual simply because I can so easily get mistaken for straight.