Well, last night I was up late messaging with two of my friends (in separate chat boxes), and with one of them we started talking about the kinsey scale and her bisexuality (because she's bi). Then I just decided to spill, "I think I'm probably bisexual." I thought she already had realised that but she started asking me all these questions about who I had a crush on and things like that, so I ended up telling my friend in the other chatbox about the conversation and that I'm probably bisexual. Turns out he's bi too and has been deep in the closet for ages! We had this great discussion about bisexuality and bi-erasure and it made me feel way better about my sexuality- especially because he wasn't always attracted to multiple genders, he only started having crushes on other genders three years ago (and I only started having crushes on other genders two years ago, whereas my other bi friend has always liked girls and boys). I went to bed feeling really happy. However, the next morning she (the one I told first), started talking about how she didn't think people were born bisexual anymore, and it was just a case of being open to relationships with people of multiple genders. Her case for this was basically; you used to be completely straight and now you like girls as well, so she thinks that its just from, I don't know, exposure to lots of queer people or something. Obviously I'm finding this extremely upsetting because she seems to be implying that since she has always been attracted to girls, she's a "true" bisexual and was born that way, whereas I was just turned bisexual. Its also upsetting because I'm quite sure its untrue since I was so sure I was straight and definitely was not open to being attracted to girls, it just came out of the blue and was a big shock to me when it happened. I mean, I definitely wouldn't choose to be bisexual, its much easier being straight. Even so, its still making me doubt my sexuality again and wondering if I'm just a stupid straight girl who's trying to be cool. I don't think she even realises how big a deal this has been for me over the past two years and how confused and lost and stressed I've been this whole time (and still am). Now its taken away from my conversation with my other bisexual friend, because I just keep thinking maybe I'm just as bi as everyone is and so I shouldn't be identifying that way because I'm really straight. I'm not really sure which forum this is supposed to go in but I figured I'd just post it here. ---------- Post added 30th Jan 2017 at 12:56 AM ---------- And now I'm just feeling sick every time I think about bisexuality in general.
You can definitely identify as bi, even if those feelings only came recently. I don't want to be to aggressive, but your friend is spouting nonsense. If you feel attraction to several genders, be it romantic or Sexual, you have all the right to identify as whatever you wish. People don't earn labels, they use them to communicate who they are and what they want. And "just as bi as everyone is" is not a thing in my experience. There are a lot of perfectly straight people and some really gay ones. So if you feel a little bi and think it's genuine, then you are bi, in my book at least. You don't "turn queer" from overexposure to LGBT media, that has been proven. My suggestion: give it some time and be open to relationships. And stay away from toxic people.
Thank you very much!! I found this really helpful, its just that schools started up again these past few weeks so I haven't had a chance to reply.
