I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual, but a part of me still wants to put myself in a lesbian or straight box. I have always found men attractive and had crushes on them, but I find women to be attractive as well. Whenever I don't think about my sexuality I am able to crush on guys just fine, but whenever I start to think about my sexuality I get nervous that I am a lesbian and my feelings for guys disappear. Any ideas why this might happen or how to make myself start thinking about it so much? This causes me a great deal of anxiety because I feel comfortable with the label bisexual, but I think apart of me is rejecting it.
I don't think anything is wrong with you. Coming to terms with your sexuality can be a difficult process. Sexuality is fluid, and maybe trying to put yourself in a box instead of be who you are is what your problem is. Based on my experience with my own coming to terms, I was raised to believe I was straight, I forced myself to have crushes on guys, hell, I still even have straight dreams because it has been so engrained on me to be one way. The second I stepped out of my "straight box"', I began to question what my sexuality might be. Thought I could be asexual, because I had no interest in sleeping with guys. Thought I could be bi, because I still had straight dreams, but no attraction to men in real life, and then I was able to realize that I've been having crushes on and being attracted to girls for my whole life, and that's where my feelings were the strongest. If you think you are one way, you could be unconciously or consciously dictating your own behaviour. Why do you feel you are rejecting being bi sexual?
I think that I just can't accept the feelings I have for girls. Like whenever I have a crush on a guy it feels natural and fun, but I'm so afraid of being not straight that whenever I find a girl attractive I try to repress it which makes it worse. I also think Thag I've been told so many times that bisexuality isn't real and that it's just a phase that I try to ignore it. ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2017 at 03:54 AM ---------- It's odd like my crushes for guys are genuine I know that for sure, but for me I don't find guys as physically attractive as women but I am more romantically interested in them which confuses me even more. Ive been having this anxiety for 3-4 years now and I just want it to go away.
:smilewave also is it possible to have different sexual and romantic feelings? Like for me when I watch movies I only notice the girls. Like I can't like guys unless I know them personally or have watched millions of interviews of them. But with girls I find it easier to look at one and be like oh she's hot, but find it harder to emotionally attach to one. I also only like ugly guys with great personalitys and attractive girls with shitty personalitys. It's really hard trying to figure all of this out haha.
I can relate to that. I have never had a crush on a male celebrity, but I've had a few crushes on female celebs. When I watch movies, I notice both but I'd say I probably look at the girls more. Remember that bisexuality isn't always 50/50, and sometimes you can be attracted to different genders in different ways. I'm more physically and sexually attracted to women than men. There are very few men that I find physically attractive, but I'm still bisexual.
As LoyalGryffindor said, you don't need to be equally attracted to either gender to be bisexual, nor do you need to feel the same types of attraction. Like you, I feel more romantically attracted to guys, and more sexually attracted to girls. If it weren't for other complications I'd call myself bisexual without an issue, and I do in fact call myself bi when I have to talk about my sexuality in more simple terms. What you need to learn to accept is that bisexuality DOES exist, and that it's conpletely natural no matter what your peers say. Could you explain why you're "afraid of being not straight"? Is it because you live in a homophobic environment in general, putting aside the belief that "bisexuality isn't real"? Would you be afraid if you were a lesbian?
Before I start giving you advice, I want to stress that you know best what you are feeling and that it's up to you to decide how to identify yourself. But, isn't it a possibility that you are a lesbian? You are rejecting the label bisexual and you are worrying that you are actually a lesbian. You ask if it is possible to have a different romantic and sexual orientation as you seem to think that this might apply to you. You seem to be sexually into women for sure but you seem to be way less interested in guys sexually. Of course, you could be bisexual, as others have said already. But personally, you remind me a lot of how I was myself at some point. I think that it's also a possibility that you subconsciously know that you are not a bisexual but a lesbian and that that is the reason for why the label bisexual doesn't sit right with you. There is no evidence for the existence of a separate romantic and sexual orientation, as a user named Chip has stated on this forum multiple times. So if you're only romantically attracted to guys, you're probably a lesbian. It is actually quite common for gay people in the early stages of their self acceptance process to think that they are only sexually attracted to the same sex but not romantically. A lot of gay people also think when they realize that they're attracted to the same sex that this attraction is only sexual and that they can only fall in love with the opposite sex. There are many people on EC that claim this and who later come to terms with being gay. Most of these people think that they have a separate romantic and sexual orientation because they have not fully accepted their sexuality yet. Accepting that you are gay can be a lot to process, so that's why a lot of gay people start out with thinking that they are bisexual at first. You have stated that you are afraid of not being straight. To me, that indicates that you have not fully accepted your same sex attraction yet, so this could be a sign that you are actually gay - you have realized that you are attracted to the same sex, but you are not ready to let go of the possibility of being attracted to the opposite sex. You can genuinely believe that you are attracted to the opposite sex while you are actually gay - been there, done that. But in the end, I think that sexual attraction is the best indicator of sexuality. Can you imagine yourself having sex with guys? When you masturbate while thinking about guys (without using porn), does this feel natural and satisfying to you? Or is it way less satisfying and way harder for you to do compared to masturbating while thinking about women? Be honest to yourself while you answer these questions. If masturbating while thinking about guys is unsatisfying to you, then you are probably not feeling true romantic attraction for guys either. As I said in the beginning - it is up to you how you identify yourself. I hope that you find this post helpful and that it doesn't stress you out too much.
See that's the weird thing. I can easily picture sex with men and get off to get and sometimes even desire it. I just sometimes go through phases when I want a man really bad and go through phases where I'd rather have a women. That's what's so confusing, I mean had I never wanted to have sec with a man then I think it would be easier for me, but I sometimes really do. ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2017 at 11:38 AM ---------- My parents aren't homophobic and nor are my peers. I've told everyone about my sexual confusion and they said they would love me no matter what. Which is great. I am afraid of being a lesbian because I don't feel comfortable with that label. Like some people say that their crushes on men were fake and stuff, but mine were pretty damn real. I think a big problem for me is that I was always told bisexuality meant u can't decide between gay or stiaght but that you are one or the other. And cutting guys out of my sexual and romantic life does not seeem right because I like them, and cutting girls out of my life doesn't seem right either.
Bisexuality doesn't mean you're indecisive, in fact that's a common misconception that needs to be ended. When you're bisexual you are simply attracted to both sexes in some significant way. If cutting guys out of your life feels wrong then I wouldn't do it if I were you. Instead, I think you should focus on changing your attitudes towards bisexuality, assuming you've been convinced that a bisexual person can't "pick" a sexuality. Ultimately nobody can "choose" a sexuality, so that misconception makes little sense if you think about it.
I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual, but a part of me still wants to put myself in a lesbian or straight box. I feel that way sometimes. Sometimes I have moments in which I wish I was gay or straight. It can feel conflicting. I consider myself to be bisexual (or confused). Sometimes, I am comfortable with my gay feelings but then I get nervous over losing my straight feelings. All I can say is to take it one day at a time. Just let your sexuality flow. I hope I helped.
Well I'm labeling myself as a lesbian, even though I can easily talk with my friends about attractive guys (which might be the reason, no one suspects a thing ). I find men attractive, but I can't picture myself sleeping with a guy. That's really weird to me. I don't know if this exists or if it's just me, but I don't think there's something wrong with you. Maybe you also just need a little time (don't try and fit into a box as fast as possible) to figure things out
