So. I've identified as a Lesbian for about 6 years and have dated girls since then. I dated guys before but never really was satisfied in those relationships. I knew I wasn't happy there but still tried. coming out to my family wasn't that big of a deal, everyone took it very well. But there was always that fear and worry in the back of my mind that people wouldn't accept me like family, friends, coworkers, or even strangers. Now i have this really good male friend that i talk to pretty frequently. Overall a really good person with a big heart. I feel like I am falling for him but not at the same time. i think I really enjoy the company and care that is shown. I feel afraid and I'm confused or unsure of the person that I am at this point. I am for sure no doubt about it, attracted to women. But not attracted at all to men. I feel bad as if Im doing wrong by myself if I avoid and try to push it away completely. What do I even do? :icon_conf
Only you can label or not label yourself, but there are different types of love.i have a good platonic male friend. I care deeply for him, and I do love him. But I can't see myself in love with him, Or attracted to him romantically or physically. I cannot see a life past friendship with him, even though that comes easily for me with girls. Sometimes feelings can be misleading, especially if it comes at a time of loneliness. I am not to sure if you are seeing someone now or single, but I wouldn't stress too much about this at the moment.
I don't understand what it is exactly that you are asking of us. Could you be more clear on that maybe? I thought that this thread would be about whether or not you're a lesbian when I saw the title. After I read your post, I'd say that you are a lesbian. You state it yourself that you are not attracted to men at all but you're attracted to women without a doubt. That makes you a lesbian. You say that you think you might fall for your male friend because you enjoy his company and because of the care that is shown. This makes it seem to me that you enjoy his attention and the friendship that you have with him. This doesn't necessarily mean that you are falling for him. You have to ask yourself these questions: can you imagine yourself in a relationship with him? Can you imagine yourself kissing him? Can you imagine yourself having sex with him? Do you have any sexual desire for him at all? It can be easy to mistake strong platonic feelings for romantic feelings, so I think that the best way to know if you are truly falling for him is to establish if you have any sexual desire for him at all.
I mean I have thought about the "What if's?" but maybe that is out of curiosity. I don't see something that is long lasting coming out of this. Not even sexual but that's because I've never done anything sexual with a guy before. But I mean I have thought about it before. I think that is what makes me question myself because I have thought about more than just a friendship.
Ah okay! Well, it's normal to be curious about how it would be to be with someone you think you might like. Especially if you are really good friends with them already. However, thinking about being with someone does not necessarily mean that you are attracted to this person! As you've already said yourself, you could just be curious about the possibility. I've also thought about being with guys before, I think that this is pretty common actually for lesbians who are still not 100% sure about their sexuality. Are you sexually attracted to this friend? I don't think that you have to do anything sexual with a guy first to be able to see if you can be sexually intimate with guys... I am 100% sure that I can be sexually intimate with girls and enjoy it and I've never been intimate with a girl. You can determine whether you're into guys without having sex with a guy first.
I know I 100% enjoy being intimate with girls. But I also can't help but think of the possibility of it with him too. But I don't know if I'd be okay with it. Like the thought of being sexually intimate with a guy doesn't interest me at all... but there's still part of me that wonders. And I feel like everything that I've learned and discovered about my sexuality is a lie or I don't know who i am because I'm thinking this way.
Hmm. Well, if you're in doubt, you can always try to experiment with him of course. However, you already seem to know that the thought of being sexually intimate with a guy does not interest you at all.. if the thought of doing it doesn't interest you, you probably won't enjoy the act too. You sound bicurious to me. Doubting your sexuality does not necessarily invalidate your sexual identity! It is healthy to have doubts. Having doubts about being a lesbian does not automatically make everything you previously discovered about your sexuality a lie.. Lesbians can be bicurious, too. Through doubting our identity, we gain a better understanding of who we are. Anyway, I hope you will have more clarity soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong. It sounds like you are thinking, "I would not enjoy sex with a guy, BUT, I might want to try it. And, this guy would be a good person to try it with." IF that's the case, I would avoid sex with the guy. I had a crush on a girl, but, she didn't want to date me. We remained "Just Friends," and we always enjoyed our time together. If we had had sex, I know that I would have fallen head over heels for her and would be devastated if she would reject me afterwards. So, cherish the relationship and experiment with other guys.
