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Question about being bisexual

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by KiwiGeek, Feb 7, 2017.

  1. KiwiGeek

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    Does anyone else think it would sometimes be easier to just only pursue opposite sex relationships for the sake of keeping your family/friends happy and life just being easier?

    I love my girlfriend with all my heart and don't want to lose her. But my parents are very much making it an us or her scenario and I can't bring myself to stand up to them in case I lose them.

    Just feeling pretty helpless right now.
     
  2. LoyalGryffindor

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    Hang in there! Liking the same sex can be hard in a heteronormative society, but you have to follow your heart.
    Don't make any choices you might regret. I'd suggest talking to your girlfriend (if you haven't already) about the situation you are in. She should understand what you are going through. Do you live with your parents?
     
  3. KiwiGeek

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    Thank you - appreciate it. Guess I am just feeling worn down today. I'm just so frustrated. My family think that because I am bisexual I should shut down part of me (the liking girls side) and find a man to keep them happy.

    I'm independent from them and keep berating myself for not being stronger and not standing up for myself. I just can't shake the desire to please them and make them proud of me.

    My GF is super supportive though and has really been my rock this last year. I don't see why (and have no intention of doing so) I should have to give up her and my happiness to fall in line with my families hateful and homophobic beliefs.
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey KiwiGeek,

    I'm just going to be straightforward. As a Bi person, your ONLY decision in your love life is whether or the current person that you are attracted to is worth investing emotionally/ romantically in the long-term. What other people think should NEVER cloud your thoughts/decisions. You have to do what is right for you.

    If your parents have the view that simply because you CAN be attracted to an opposite-sex person, that you SHOULD be attracted to an opposite-sex person simply because you let them know that your sexuality allows that possibility, they are ignorant of the fact that WHOM you - or anyone else - are attracted to is irrelevant of their gender. Your parents, in such a case, are simply being selfish and projecting their desires on you instead of actually accepting you and your actual attractions. Is that fair? It seems ignorant if they can't accept your same-sex attractions while 'accepting' your bisexuality. How false is that if they only technically accept your same-sex attractions as long as your romantic attractions to the opposite-sex are stronger? That's not acceptance. That's much more like the 'bargaining' phase of grieving/acceptance than actually accepting who you are.

    My 2cents.:slight_smile:
     
    #4 Quantumreality, Feb 7, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2017
  5. Zen fix

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    I understand the desire to make your parents proud of you and to make them happy. But doing what they want is going to do neither of those things. They will have less respect for you than they do now. Your only hope is to make it clear to them that this woman is who you are with and they have to get on board because it isn't changing. They need to understand that they aren't changing you, they are, however, slowly ruining their relationship with you.
     
  6. KiwiGeek

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    Thanks for the support - really appreciate it. I'm definitely in a more positive place now so just going to keep on going on.
     
  7. Twisted777

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    If you like someone of the same sex, persue them.

    Actually...hang on...

    If you like someone, persue them - that's better.

    Who cares what people think? It's your relationship, not theirs. If people want to still be close to you, they can get used to a same-sex partner - just like they would any other partner.

    In an ideal world, I'd only be interested in girls - but honestly it's more fun to like both (lots more jokes you can make, too). I've never had anyone having a problem with my sexuality, they're just surprised and keep asking 'really?'.
     
    #7 Twisted777, Feb 11, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2017
  8. AlexJames

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    How old are you? Can you afford to risk damaging your relationship with your parents? If you're dependent on them i would say tread lightly, but if you're independent of your parents i'd say, honestly, just fuck them. Parents are supposed to love you no matter what but there are some that won't. Surround yourself with people that accept you for who you are and make your life better. That's my end goal, anyways.
     
  9. KiwiGeek

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    I'm independent of them so it's not too complicated in that respect which is good.

    I'm just having trouble being upset and angry at them for not accepting me and instead I slip into little girl mode where I worry I will lose them and just want to do anything I can to please them. Even as I type this I can see how pathetic it sounds though. Guess it's just a self confidence thing - hoping I will get stronger and learn to stand up to them soon.