Hi, I'll try to be as brief as possible, if you nedd further informations, don't hesitate to ask. Since I'm born, I have always been attracted to girls, a lot, and not for some conditioning of society, family friends etc, it is just what I was naturally attracted to. I had 3 major crushes in my life, the last became a three years relationship with a girl I really loved. Then something changed. I have always been a very insecure and sensible guy, always overthinking things and obsessing over problems. I passed a very bad period lasted two years and I was very confused about what I liked or not (not sexually speaking), what to do with my life and questioned a lot of my decisions. One day I felt attraction for a dear friend, but then this feeling disappeared and never come again. But since that moment I started questioning my sexuality. I don't spontaneously think about males as possible sexual partners, but if I "force" myself to do, I get aroused. I even always liked to play with my ass, but really never though about guys while doing it, it just felt okay for what it was. Now, the "problem" is I repressed myself towards girls because of my insecurity after this period, and the attraction towards them suddently disappeared. I mean, I get a lot of love feelings for them, but not feel that natural attraction that once felt. And now there is that girl I met, she is fantastic, I never met a girl more similar to me as her, but I am very scared to possibly have sex with her (or even getting too much in touch with her) because the possibility I could not get an erection, because I don't feel aroused when thinking about her (when I was younger, that would have happened), except for the moments when I naturally arouse during the day and the first thought is about her. I dont' know if I just repressed myself too much, closed in my world, and just have to regain confidence and some REAL sexual experience again, or if I'm just realizing I'm gay because, I'll be honest, if I would have the chance to go with a guy without anyone else knowing, I would definitely try. But the feelings and the excitement over girls are real and the same as one time, and this is what confuses me more than anything (something I don't feel for guys, or at least I never met anyone who aroused in me these feelings). Sorry, I wrote a lot more I thought I would, but I think these were all the basic infos to tell to evaluate my situation. Does anyone have a story similar to mine? Am I just overthinking again? Did I just repressed myself? Could I really be gay, even if I once was only attracted to girls? Or bisexual maybe (but in this case, why I don't feel the same for girls as in the past?)? Thank you in advance for your time and have a nice day.
Sounds like you're somewhat bi and have a fear of "not perfoming well" in bed. Also, it's normal you don't get sexual feelings every time you think about her if she's not only a crush but also a friend to you, and it does sound like it. And you don't have to be completely straight or gay. And it's normal to fear sex, it's a strong experience. Even if you want it in the end. It goes for every desired thing, like jobs, unis, trips...
