Hi! A bit of basics about me: I'm a female, I'm 22, and I've been in a relationship with a guy for over five years and a half now. Not too long ago I realized that I definitely find women attractive. The more I have thought about it, the more I have remembered instances throughout my life where it appears I have found women attractive. I can remember crushes I've had and just in general checking out girls. But it isn't like I don't find guys attractive. But bisexual doesn't feel like it fits, but the more I think about it I know that I've probably never been straight. I don't have any issues with the LGBTQ+ community. When I mentioned to a friend of mine I was feeling this way I said, "I think I might be queer." and she didn't understand why I was having so much internal conflict since I'm so accepting in general. But I also don't want to make a big stink about things if it's just me trying to find myself in general, like you do in your early twenties. I love my boyfriend, and I haven't even mentioned this to him (again, because I don't really know what's going on). He is my best friend and I can't picture my life without him in it. And up until I sort of woke myself up and said out loud that I am attracted to women, I always figured we would wind up together (yeah, in that lame fairytale way). Sorry for the novel, I just don't know where to get my thoughts out . If anyone has any advice or support I would appreciate it. I don't know what I am. I was raised in a small, religious, rural town so that could be factoring into all of this as well. Thanks for reading ❤.
Hey! Welcome to EC. That's a tough situation to be in. However, do know that you are not the only one to go through this at your age. You'll get past the confusion eventually. And it's not weird that you have an internal conflict although you're accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. You can think that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex but still struggle with being attracted to the same sex yourself - this impacts your life, after all. First of all, what do you mean by 'it's not like I don't find boys attractive'? Do you just admire their looks, or do you mean that you find them sexually attractive? Are you sexually attracted to your boyfriend? You mentioned that he is your best friend. Do you see him as more than that, or is that all he really is to you when you think about it? Maybe answering these questions could clear things up for you a little bit more. I'd like to hear your answers to these questions so that I may help you a little bit more.
THIS EXACTLY. Coming on here challenged me to think about my sexuality and ask myself questions like this. Which has really helped me to figure it out. Anne10, ditto everything LoveIsLife said. And welcome to EmptyClosets! I hope you find this place as helpful as i have. :icon_bigg
I think I fluctuate a lot with my attraction for men. I still definitely think men are attract , as are women and nonbinary people. Depending on the day really is if I'm sexually attracted to men/my boyfriend, although that's mainly my libido. I am still sexually attracted to men, as far as I can tell. As for whether I see him as just my best friend, I think that's still something I have to figure out. I know I care about him, a lot. And after a while I know relationships can dull a bit, that that is normal. I just know I feel so comfortable with him.
As far as I can tell, you're bisexual or pansexual. But if those label don't agree with you then you don't have to use them. I don't bother to label my sexuality as I don't think any label fits me, though the closest one that fits is probably pansexual. Labels are supposed to simplify things, not overcomplicate them. If it takes you too much effort to attempt to think up of a label to match your sexuality, then it may be worth dropping labels altogether.
Adding to all the wonderful messages of support, I would suggest you talk with your boyfriend. I believe honesty is very important in any loving relationship and keeping this from him might make everything more difficult. If he loves you, he will hopefully support you. And if everything is still OK with you afterwards, that might even strengthen your relationship. Being bi/pan/anything does not mean your relationship can't be a happy one. This is of course advice you should consider very carefully, because I know nothing about your boyfriend and his relationship to the LGBTQ* community in general. I wish you all the best and I hope the confusion soon becomes less. If it doesn't we are here for you.
