So, I have nothing against those whom are lesbian or gay but I myself don't want to be. I'm seventeen but I grew up with a homophobic family. Now don't get me wrong, it isn't like it was frowned upon daily within the household, in fact they never spoke badly about homosexuals because it was never topic of conversation but I've always been attracted to girls. Ever since I was a little girl, I've just always liked them. I mean, I've also had crushes on boys but I don't know if that means I'm bisexual? I don't know, it's confusing. Well, either way, I'm the youngest child of my parents and I've never had a boyfriend and they think it's weird? I isolate myself. I mean, I find men attractive but I just lean more toward females? My brother has called me a lesbian multiple times as an insult and I know that I shouldn't see it as one but since my family is so against it, I felt like I was nothing when he'd call me it. Lately, my mom has been showing me pictures of boys and asking if I find them cute.. and if I have a certain type because I told her I wasn't interested in going out on a date with her friends son. She has tried hooking me up with her friends sons but I am never interested. She doesn't like that. I feel ashamed for liking girls because my mom, whom I have a very close relationship with, has said if one of her children were gay, she'd get them "help" to fix themselves. She doesn't believe they are born gay but I think I'm living proof that I was.. I wouldn't of chosen to be something my own mother hated? I've never been in a relationship with a girl either due to being so confused on my sexuality and being ashamed of myself. I don't know, I just need some advice on it? If you need any more info to help, just ask.
Just understand that figuring out your sexuality is a journey that so many people go through. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Take life slowly. If your sexuality is causing any problems, you can always distract yourself with something good on TV, or a particular hobby that you have. In terms of your family, you may have to sort things out with yourself before even telling them all of this. I understand your desire not to be lesbian, but one thing about sexuality is that it is not a choice. You can't help who you're attracted to. It sounds to me like you could be gay or bi. If not, you can always label yourself as questioning. Don't feel pressured to figure out your sexuality today. Is this issue causing significant stress? Can you handle the homophobia that your family shows? Your answers to these questions will help to some extent. If you need more advice, you're always welcome to send me a message. I'll get to it as soon as I see it.
I hear ya. Coming on here and joining up like a day or two ago has really helped me think through things, so i hope this place can do the same for you. My mom is very conservative and religious so growing up i was expected to just be straight. Ugh i lost my train of thought for a moment there (its like 6am). But pretty much i thought for the longest time my mom was right and anyone who thinks they're gay is just choosing it. I was very unsure and conflicted about it all. But ocming on here has prompted me to look back and think it all through, and i've come to the conclusion that my brain/body knew i liked girls waaaaaay before i was ever willing to acknowledge it. As young as like 10-12. Furthermore i've never checked out a guy, just girls. I think if i'd grown up in a different era (I'm a 90's kid) i would have connected the dots and become comfortable with my sexuality and been able to explore it a lot younger. I'm 25 and just now admitting it to myself, and i can't possibly come out until i get my license officially and become financially stable enough to move out.
