right, okay so I think i'm gay, it's been at the back of my head since i watched orange is the new black when i was like 13 and was reaaally invested in these characters, and their relationships, and watching them make out. This theme of really loving f/f shows and ships has gone on for a while. anyways that not my main point. I kind of buried the idea for a few years and it didn't really bother me - i was just kind of like "eh ill figure it out in a few years, i need some experience first" It's been a few years, no experience has been had. So here's the dealio - i prefer girls in general, i'm more comfortable around them etc. and i can totally see myself with a girl in the future but i have never had a proper crush on one. I have fleeting teacher crushes and actresses (they've always been on adult women) and stuff but never really with someone my age (unless i've buried those feelings real deep). But when i was younger i definitely had proper crushes on boys, but not since i was about 14 and on celebrities (now 17). Sometimes i find boys attractive now but i'm not sure if it's because of heteronormativity and whatnot and i've been conditioned to feel that way, and i'm not completely against the idea of sleeping with one - just to see - but i can think of more interesting and fun things to do ya know it's weird bc if someone said this to me i'd probably tell them it sounds pretty bi, but i don't really feeeel bi, i feel pretty gay (but theres this mild and relatively uncommon attraction to some boys that gets in the way when i say this) and i understand that sexuality is a spectrum and i dont think im 100% gay or 50/50 its probably like 80% gayness and i've had no experience with any gender so idk, not even kisses, nothing. rip me what do y'all think?
Hey crome2345! Welcome to EC. Only you can decide what your sexuality is, but here are my two cents. 'Sometimes i find boys attractive now but i'm not sure if it's because of heteronormativity and whatnot and i've been conditioned to feel that way, and i'm not completely against the idea of sleeping with one - just to see - but i can think of more interesting and fun things to do ya know' This part makes me think that you wouldn't mind trying to sleep with boys, but that you aren't particularly interested in doing it. In other words: you wouldn't mind the idea of trying it, but you feel no desire to do it. Furthermore, all your crushes are on adult women... and you have not had an crush on a boy since you were 14. Usually, when someone claims that they have a really strong attraction to the same sex and little to no attraction to the opposite sex, they are gay. Since your feelings seem to align with this situation, I'd say you're probably a lesbian. In addition, you feel pretty gay already, so I think that you might have realized deep down that that's what your sexuality is.
Not gonna lie my first girl crush was at like 22 on Danaerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones. Personally i think who you crush on has a lot to do with your mindset. Like since i acknowledged i might be gay and given myself permission to like girls, its like suddenly i'm checking out girls at the store. Its totally weird and a bit of an adjustment to be honest. I think i was just suppressing it this whole time. But anyways, you said you have no sexual experience. I don't either, but do you masturbate at all? I know its an awkward question but that's what helped me figure out. Picturing myself with a guy versus a girl. Asking myself if i found touching a guy or being intimate with a guy in any way appealed to me. For now, i'm satisfied with my answers. I'll acknowledge if a guy is good looking or pretty but beyond that, i have like no interest in guys. Lol so do you like to use the term 'gay' too? Technically if you're a girl who likes girls its lesbian but because you have to say 'i am a lesbian' i just always hated how it sounded - the phrasing and the name. So i just say to myself 'im gay' even if thats the guy term.
I agree with LunarLyric. I you're still feeling unsure, trying to masturbate while thinking about guys can be a good way to figure out if you're into boys. If you don't want to do it at all, if it takes a lot of conscious effort to do it, if it feels disgusting, wrong, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, nauseous, anxious, and if it's unsatisfying, then I'd say you're not into guys. If, however, it feels natural, comfortable, good, euphoric, satisfying, and if it takes no conscious effort at all to do it, you might be into guys. To know if you're into guys, you really don't need to have any experiences with them - if you're not into thinking about doing sexual stuff with guys, you probably aren't into actually doing sexual stuff with guys either.
that's a good idea ahahaha and yeah I prefer the term gay, I don't think it's necessarily the boy term but also I'm not 100% comfortable with the term lesbian yet idk I feel like a lot of people aren't How long did it take you guys to properly figure out your sexuality? And were you 100% certain when you knew? bc I feel like it's taken me a while
Well i'm 25. I've been seriously questioning it for like a year or so now. Watching gay girl porn, fantasizing on my own time, noticing just how much i check out girls now that i basically gave myself permission to consider the possibility, etc. Taking google quizzes on sexuality that were of no help whatsoever. All that was normal for this past year. But only within the past week or so did i decided to see if forums for this sort of thing existed and its only on here that I've become comfortable these past few days admitting to myself and on here that i'm gay. It'll be another year before i come out IRL though! Not even joking. I want to be financially stable, have a stable job that makes ends meet, have my license officially, have a good car that'll last me, and be moved out before i come out in public. Cause i'm not moving to the city id like to stay around were i grew up, for now, if i can. So if i came out while living at home, living in a small town, word is gonna get back to them somehow.
It took me a year and a half from the moment that I realized that I was attracted to girls to come to the conclusion that I am a lesbian. When I look back at this questioning period, I think that my judgement was clouded by denial and confusion - I now think that, in reality, figuring out your sexuality can be easily done by being honest to yourself about the results of the masturbation test that we suggested to you. However, I don't think that anyone will take that test and immediately decide and accept that they are gay without doubting it first. It is healthy to have doubts and to want to resolve them and it's okay to struggle with accepting that you're gay because being gay makes life harder. When I first thought 'I'm a lesbian', I wasn't 100% sure. I've thought it more often after that first moment before I was sure, and sometimes, I would feel 100% sure that I was when I thought it, but then I'd question my identity again later on. Figuring out your sexuality is an individual process and it can be turbulent with lots of ups and downs and confusion. It's a different process for everyone. Some will take more time to figure it out than others. You'll know when you know for sure that you are gay because all your doubts will have been resolved and all your questions will have been answered. And you might think that you know for sure, but then question your sexuality again later on... that's okay too, you'll get there eventually. Or maybe you will never find a definite answer, but in the end, does finding one really matter that much? As long as you do you, nothing else matters.
Yeah same I have noticed my self looking at girls way more over the past year or so and I'm getting a lot more comfortable with it. I guess this is kind of like a little taste of coming out bc when I first started typing the post I was nervous but after it was a relief and I'm getting more comfortable with myself so weyhey maybe I'll tell some more people, thanks guys for your help!! :icon_bigg
Being Gay or thinking you might be is not easy, especially when you are still confused about feelings for the opposite sex. ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2017 at 07:45 AM ---------- Best of luck with working this out XX
