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I keep doubting myself

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Justbeingrandom, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. Justbeingrandom

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    For the last couple of years I have been trying to work out my sexuality. Last year I finally came to accept that I was in fact attracted to women. I never told anyone about it since I come from a fairly conservative country where homosexuality is still not really considered okay.
    Some time ago I left my country to go to university and since then I have been thinking of coming out to my friends and maybe some of my family. But ever since I thought of coming out, I have started getting there doubts, like what if it is all in my head and what if I come out then realise I was completely wrong?
    I think this may be because once, a couple of years back, I tried to come out to someone that I really care about and they asked me if I was saying all of this because wanted attention. I had laughed it off at the time and made it look like a joke, because it was at a time when I was very confused about myself. But it also messed me up for a pretty long time.
    I also end up doubting myself because before I considered the fact that I may be attracted to women, I did have crushes on a few boys. Even now there are times when I do find men attractive.
    The thing is, I really do want to come out because having to constantly lie about myself to everyone has been leaving me feeling pretty miserable lately. But every time I try to, these doubts, amongst other things keep holding me back.
    Sorry if this is very non cohesive. It was the best I could do to put all my thoughts together.
     
  2. musicboy123

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    Hi there! I think that pretty much everybody goes through a doubting stage where they're not sure what to identify as in terms of gender or sexuality, but that will come along as you begin to discover and better understand yourself as time goes on. I think that a lot of this confusion, though, has to do with labels such as gay, lesbian, etc. This makes you feel pigeonholed and every decision you make has to fit the boundary that the label gives you. That's why I personally hate labels, especially during a questioning stage.

    In terms of coming out, I think you should only come out when you're ready and believe me you'll know when you're ready. Also, only come out when it's safest and, especially when it's the first person you're coming out to, try to make sure that the person is understanding and accepting of LGBTQ+ rights, because the last thing you'll want is a negative symbol that you associate with coming out every time. Negativity has no purpose in this world! :slight_smile: So when you come out, make sure you trust the person, and you're confident they'll understand.

    In terms of your doubt, I think it's best to come out by not giving a label like "I'm lesbian", but literally saying what you wrote in this post and just be completely honest and explain all of the feelings, attractions, and thoughts you are holding. This will let you feel at more ease and have more freedom to discover yourself and begin to realize what you want to identify your sexual orientation as. But remember, make sure you trust the person and that they are a positive influence.

    Sorry if this was confusing, but I tried my best! :slight_smile: I wish you the best of luck! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Justbeingrandom

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    Thank you! I might try that.

    The thing with me, though, is that if you were to ask me right now, I could almost confidently as that I am gay. But when I got to tell someone like my mum or my best friend, I start questioning everything and doubting everything that I thought I had figured out and then end up back at square one, in a big confused mess. :/
    I wish I knew how to not end up in a big downward spiral of doubt...
     
  4. musicboy123

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    I know exactly how you feel! Right after I told my sister that I was gay, I began to doubt my sexuality, too, and I started thinking "What if I'm actually straight?" or "maybe I'm bi", but I think that's just your mind playing tricks on you because you basically just let out your deepest secret that you've kept away for yourself, and then in fear, your mind starts making you doubt yourself to cover it up because of that fear of rejection. This is just my personal observation :slight_smile: I hope this helped!