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Going around in circles regarding my sexual orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by anon991, Feb 12, 2017.

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  1. anon991

    anon991
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    I haven't posted on here for a long time because I tried to suppress my sexual interests. But now it's come to a point where I can't really ignore them anymore. The problem is, my religious beliefs are strongly against pretty much anything lgbtq as are my entire family, community and the large majority of people at school. This makes it really hard for me to discuss and understand whether what I'm feeling is some sort of teenage phase or whether this is something more real. Although, when I'm not aroused I tend to think of myself as straight, I increasingly only seem to be aroused by people, erotica, pornography etc of the same sex. I know I find women attractive but I also am totally disgusted by vagina, and I am extremely attracted to penises. The problem is that when I am not aroused, I feel really guilty for being aroused by something 'unnatural' and I try to convince myself that I am straight. I know it's messed up but that's pretty much my situation here. Can you guys tell me if you've been through something similar and can you help explain whether this is some sort of phase or something more permanent? A huge thanks for bothering to read this far and replying!
     
    #1 anon991, Feb 12, 2017
  2. Loveislife

    Loveislife
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    Hey Anon! I'm sorry that you're in such a difficult situation. I have never been in a similar situation to yours, but I suggest that you try to get a support network of people who support homosexuality. If you're feeling these feelings now, it is very unlikely that they will change. What your feelings seem to indicate is that you are gay because you are disgusted by vaginas and you are extremely attracted to penises. The reason why you tend to think of yourself as straight when you're not aroused seems to be that you do not accept yourself. Do you have anyone in real life with whom you can talk about this?
     
    #2 Loveislife, Feb 12, 2017
  3. anon991

    anon991
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    I just posted another thread on the coming out section about there being pretty much only girl I might be about to come out to. I just can't tell whether it would be a good idea to come out to anyone and whether it would come back to haunt me later on in life.

    I also want to add to the original post that I generally find the female body more attractive to look upon and on a daily basis I tend to find a lot more girls attractive than I find boys attractive. But when I think of sex or the idea of getting sexually intimate, it's almost always the thought of men which comes to mind. Have you guys experienced something similar and what do you think about my sexuality?
     
    #3 anon991, Feb 12, 2017
  4. Loveislife

    Loveislife
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    Hmm, okay. Do you think that this girl won't tell that you're gay to others if you decide to come out to her?

    I personally have not experienced the thing that you describe of course, but I know two gay guys personally who have the same opinion! So I think that it is possible to be a gay guy who thinks that women are more beautiful than men in general (as long as you're not sexually attracted to girls of course). :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Loveislife, Feb 12, 2017
  5. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hey anon991,

    What I would suggest is that you have to do what is right for you. For many of us in the LGBTQ community, it takes a long time for us to understand our own sexuality and sometimes even longer to accept it for ourselves. Once we accept who we are, we have to evaluate the environment around us and try to understand who might or might not be accepting of our non-heterosexuality. Often, we Come Out to a close friend first. And we start to build a support network of accepting people around us before we Come Out to those who matter to us most. Often those are Best Friends and Family - because those are the people whose support/opinions matter the most to us. And even if there is only a small chance that they will reject us simply because of our sexual preference, that can be totally devastating.

    In the meantime, building up a network of accepting friends is not only acceptable, but also normal and desirable for LGBTQ people.
     
    #5 Quantumreality, Feb 12, 2017
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