Questioning my sexuality

Idk man. I'm at that point too. I know i'm sexually attracted to girls and want kids at some point but beyond that is confusing. As young as middle school i'd crush on a guy but it was only that - i found them aesthetically pleasing and that's it. There never was a sexual component to it even after i found out what sex was and porn was and all that as i grew older. I literally didn't crush on girls until i developed my first tv show girl crush on Dany from Game of Thrones. But at that point i'd been questioning my sexuality already so idk.

It is definetally confusing. Sometimes at work (i work min.wage as a cashier for now) i'll notice a guy and think he's hot. Its quite rare but it has happened. I check out girls regularly though hence the confusion. But even that seems sudden. Its like i totally repressed that side of me until i admitted to myself i might like girls at which point it just suddenly appeared there full swing. Does that make sense? I hope it does.

Picturing your long term future with a significant other is confusing for me too. Especially when thinking about kids. It woudl be so much easier with a guy cause google says both adoption and scientific advances are insanely expensive. But i've always wanted to adopt i've never wanted to have kids myself. I knew that as soon as i found out what sex and having kids was.

Hopefully this was a helpful rant of me relating to you instead of a mindless stupid rant.

 

Firstly, it's not dumb! Whatever the reason, they're perfectly legitimate thoughts and I'd say just roll with it. The media and society (and even ourselves) like to give us labels, but our identities are constantly changing. This includes our sexuality. If you find a girl you really 'spark' with, go for it. If you fall head over heels in love with a man, go for it.

There's also the idea of 'sexuality' and 'romanticism' - that is, you could be homosexual biromantic. However, really, this is just another label; if it helps in your self discovery, great, if not, don't worry about it.

From a personal point of view, I do indeed get 'shame' thoughts. The idea that life will be easier if I just settled down with a man, had kids the 'normal' way etc. Don't be afraid if this happens to be the case; there's nothing wrong with you or that way of thinking. Try to think hard about how you feel about 'gay'; maybe keep a journal? I think if you write down your thoughts and feelings, it might help identify the root of these dreams - for example, if you only see yourself with a woman when your self-confidence is low or after being with/around heterosexuals, it might be worth questioning these thoughts and how grounded they are in reality.

I think the most important thing here is you don't need to feel guilty. As I said before, you might be gay, you might be bi, you might be a homosexual biromantic. The point is, you don't need a label and it's perfectly 'normal' and good to just be with the person/people who you are attracted to (physically and romantically) at that time.

Sketchy x

 

This. What does homosexual biromantic mean? I'm a 90's kid so all this stuff goes over my head. I'm 25 and just coming to terms with the fact i like girls. Does it mean you're sexually attracted to the same sex but romantic (as in dating) you would date a guy or a girl? That sounds confusing. I would want to date someone and be sexually attracted to them. What's the line between romantic and just good friends?

 

I think that you should be cautious with buying into the whole 'you can have a separate romantic orientation and a separate sexual orientation' thing. It isn't supported by scientific facts. Furthermore, a lot of gay people who have not accepted that they are gay yet seem to think that they 'could only fall in love with the opposite sex, but that they are not sexually attracted to the opposite sex'. I think that a lot of gay people think that they have a separate romantic and sexual orientation because they are not ready yet to accept the fact that they can never have the fantasy heterosexual life that they had always imagined for themselves.

Anyway, I don't think that your thoughts are dumb, OP. You're certainly not alone in feelings this way. I don't think that any of us can tell you with certainty if you will ever be able to love a girl, but what I can tell you that I think that this is very unlikely. It seems to me that you're still holding onto the idea that you could live up to the heterosexual ideal one day. But, maybe it is possible that you could fall for a girl, who knows. However, you should ask yourself this: do you feel any sexual attraction to girls at all? If you don't, then it is very likely that there is no right girl for you.

 

from what i understand, what's exactly what homosexual biromantic means. Basically, you may feel only sexually attracted to the same sex, but still able and willing to form an intimate physical yet nonsexual relationship with the opposite sex. Some people, let's say a woman, may be sexually attracted to other women but they hate the idea of forming an emotion attachment to their lover for one reason or another. On the other hand, that same woman might welcome an emotional romantic attachment to a man, one that may involve simple cuddling, hand holding, cute nicknames, and genuine intimacy, but a sexual relationship with a man is unthinkable/undesirable.

 

Oooh okay that makes sense. Thanks for clearing that up.