I am curious to see if there are others who have the same issue. I am bisexual, leaning towards girls. I have been in two hetero relationships, they were both okay, during the course of which I started doubting my sexuality, if I was even into men at all. I did not love them, although I did experience attraction towards them. Now that I have been single for a while, I have done everything I wanted to do. I have dated around and have had casual encounters with both men and women. There was one huge difference: I felt really uncomfortable with women, both with dates and casual sex. When it comes to men, I know they like me. You see them stare, their actions are easy to interpret, things are less complicated, they take the lead. I feel a rush of excitement knowing that they are into me. I need it in order to feel secure and move forward. Girls are way more clouded. There are also so much less girls who like girls, let alone girls that are into me. I dated a lesbian, who made me really insecure and nervous by constantly asking me what I thought and calling me out all the time. She cried when we had sex because she had feelings for me but also for her girlfriend, that made me feel horrible. I did not enjoy it at all. Then I had a fwb kind of thing with a bisexual girl in an open relationship, that took me out on dates and put (unconsciously, I guess) a lot of pressure on me to have sex, even though when we dated I was super stressed and anxious. That made me feel bad too. Did not enjoy that either. Now I am dating a girl that is really nice. We can talk well, we haven't even kissed and I am comfortable with that. But I noticed that I did not feel a spark, or raw attraction towards her. Maybe it will appear when we date some more. I am so easy to experience that raw attraction towards men. The only problem is that I do not want to have a relationship with men, and the spark fades out rather quickly when I start dating them seriously. The romantic attraction is not there. Maybe it is because I am sexually into 'aggressive', dominant people. The girls I have dated were all more feminine and smaller than me and wanted me to take the lead to whatever and wanted me to be more dominant. I am just not comfortable being in that dynamic! I don't understand it, I feel it in my soul that I can only deeply love a woman. I have been in love with a best friend before. Plus, I feel so unfulfilled in a hetero relationship, why isn't this easy as it should be? Am I heterosexual homoromantic? Is that even a thing? I hope someone can relate.
Ha, whether it's even a thing or not is subject to debate. But you came up with it for yourself and there could be a lot to it. But it sounds more like you just have had all the combinations of girl-relationships... except the right one. Surely the odds are with you now. As a male, I can confirm that we like it when you feel that raw attraction and let us know. We're not all looking for unicorns and rainbows right off the bat, so you don't need to feel guilty... right at first anyway. But it is the case that you don't want to go too far down the guy path when you know that when SHE walks into your life, you'll drop everything for her. I think you understand yourself quite well. I'd keep on course. Don't break those guys' hearts but look for the one true girl.
