Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Sexual and Romantic Orientation

Sexual and Romantic Orientation If you are unsure of your sexuality, post here for support and advice. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 16th Feb 2017, 02:04 PM   #21
Banned
Regular Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: My wife , my best friend and several friends as e
Location: Ft Lauderdale
Posts: 258
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Things went too far

I'mGay hit the nail on the head perfectly . I hope u find the courage to be who u are and let nature take you to the place in your heart who you are . Being fearless is empowering
Mj5963 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 02:59 PM   #22
EC Addict
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Jacob D's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family
Age: 25
Posts: 350
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: Things went too far

Thank you member Brainwashed for that link of yours. Your comparison of relating sexuality to food desire is very interesting. I like your take in regards to my experience with Brandon. It certainly is like trying a different type of food. I'll just continue to be open to new things and to new experiences. There is no shame in that.

Thank you member I'mGay for finding my story and adventures fascinating. I personally wouldn't describe it that way but that's fine. In regards to Chip, I really do need to go back and read again what he said because you are the second member to see things his way so I need to look at his post again. You could be right about being in denial. It could be possible. As for me saying that I would be open minded and willing to try new things, I have been doing this and will continue to do so.
Jacob D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 03:05 PM   #23
Banned
Regular Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: My wife , my best friend and several friends as e
Location: Ft Lauderdale
Posts: 258
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Things went too far

Awesome t read Jacob you are being brave and open minded life will be amazing and releasing any preconceived issues will make it bette typo
Mj5963 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 03:08 PM   #24
EC Addict
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Jacob D's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family
Age: 25
Posts: 350
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: Things went too far

Thank you Mj for all the support and encouragement you have been giving me.
Jacob D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 03:31 PM   #25
Banned
Regular Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: My wife , my best friend and several friends as e
Location: Ft Lauderdale
Posts: 258
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Things went too far

Well it is like paynit forward as we all need support and I believe no body can be what someone else wants us to be so be your self love life and be happy
Mj5963 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 04:05 PM   #26
Banned
Regular Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Everyone who matters/anyone who asks
Location: CA
Age: 27
Posts: 467
Join Date: Jan 2016


Re: Things went too far

I gotta say, I saw this coming. I knew Brandon would develop feelings. I mean how could he not, You were his first ever experience and you are this hot, fit, "straight" guy. Not very often does a person get a second chance with the 1st person they had a sexual experience with, especially 10 years later.

Jacob, Only you can really know for sure about your orientation. Just be 100% honest with yourself and I mean 100%. If you know for sure in your mind that you don't want a relationship with a man and only want one with a woman then great, move on with life and stop questioning. If however you have any doubts about this then I think you should give a relationship with Brandon a shot, you will most likely never have a better chance than this one.

You might be having some "buyers remorse" now but like Jon said you really enjoyed it while it was happening.

As a side note I'm super jelly and that was hot to read.
Totesgaybrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 04:44 PM   #27
EC Addict
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Jacob D's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family
Age: 25
Posts: 350
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: Things went too far

Hi Totesgaybrah. I know I can be sometimes clueless to certain things that are obvious to others and you're right only I can really know for sure about my sexual orientation. I am being 100% honest with myself though. I'm a little curious about Brandon's offer of being in relationship with him. But I have my doubts about that. I want to be open minded enough to try something new like that but it's a little difficult because I'm still in love with Alison so it's just a big mess inside my brain. Part of me thinks I should give a relationship with Brandon a shot, to see where it might go, I'm young and now is the time to find out if I'm gay. But then part of me thinks I should wait to see if Alison comes back to me. It's a mess inside my brain.
Jacob D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 07:03 PM   #28
On Wednesdays we wear pink
Full Member
 
SemiCharmedLife's Avatar
 

Gender: Dude
Orientation: Gay (except for Jennifer Lawrence)
Out Status: Trying to go back in
Location: KY
Age: 29
Posts: 3,319
Join Date: Oct 2013


Re: Things went too far

Do you think about guys and girls other than Brandon and Allison? Yes, we fall in love with people not necessarily genders or parts, but who do you take a look at walking down the street? Who do you dream about when you fall asleep?

I dated a girl when I was in college and was upset when we broke up, in part because I was fighting the part of me that I knew liked guys, and I was worried that if I couldn't make it work with her then I couldn't make it work with girls in general. As it turned out, I was right (Jennifer Lawrence notwithstanding). But at that time, most of the people I noticed walking down the street were guys, most of the porn I watched and read was with guys, and most of my sexy dreams were about guys. Eventually I realized the fight was useless.

Fall in love with who you fall in love with. Fool around with who you fool around with. But if you're going to give yourself a label, it shouldn't just be because one person of a particular gender is attractive to you.

No idea if this was helpful or coherent. I may have had a lot of wine this evening.
__________________
"Don't let go, you've got the music in you
One dance left, this world is gonna pull through
Don't give up, you've got a reason to live
Can't forget, you only get what you give"--New Radicals
SemiCharmedLife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th Feb 2017, 08:39 PM   #29
Forum Admins
Administrator
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: northern CA
Posts: 18,016
Join Date: May 2008


Re: Things went too far

Jacob,

I just want to be clear... I'm not certain of *anything* I've told you about your attractions, as it's subject to my limited interpretation (and recollection) of your posting history. So you could be entirely straight and I could be reading a bunch of stuff into it. I want to make sure you don't feel that I'm placing any particular judgment... just suggesting a possibility. I can't say it isn't influenced by the experiences of past members here, who have written very similar things to you... but each person's experience is different.
Chip is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 07:13 AM   #30
EC Addict
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Jacob D's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family
Age: 25
Posts: 350
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: Things went too far

Hi SemiCharmedLife. Thank you for the reply and for sharing your experiences. It's good to know that you were able to figure out things for yourself and it's good to see it worked out for you. Most of the questions you asked me have already been discussed and covered in this thread and in other threads so the answers are there.

Hi Chip and thank you for your reply. I understand that you are only trying to help and I'm grateful for your help. You have no need to worry, I don't feel you have placed any particular judgment on me. I also understand that you are only suggesting possibilities that make sense and that have made me think. I agree with you that it's entirely possible that I am straight but I don't know for sure if I am and I still need to figure that out. I want you to know that you have been very helpful to me and that I appreciate your advice and feedback.
Jacob D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 08:26 AM   #31
Gay
Full Member
 
brainwashed's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Kinsey 5
Out Status: Out
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 767
Join Date: Dec 2014


Re: Things went too far

Wow I'm learning a lot. Thanks to all for your inputs - and I'm not even the original poster.

When I read Chips first post, I thought a little heavy on the sauce. (meaning Chip sounded like Brandon was gay and didn't know it.)

I do agree with SemiCharmedLife, forget the label. And I do relate to SemiCharmedLife's message, "Fool around with who you fool around with." To me this is like trying different foods. Enjoy and see what happens.

In my very novice opinion I think there are forces playing out here that no one has mentioned. Basically we humans are not programmed to be monogamous. We humans like our closest cousins the bonobos are biologically programmed to have feelings and sex with many different partners. This theory is presented in the book, Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships.

Think about this theory. For ~198 thousand years homosapiens HAD to form bonds to survive. Life in the wilds of Africa were brutal. Theoretically one of the few ways to get joy in life back then was sex - there are no drive ins or bars.

Only the last 2 thousand years or so has monogamy been preached - thanks desert religions. (homosapiens have been on the planet for a very short 200 thousand years)

As I eluded to earlier I'm kind of caught in the same situation with me being the gay gay and another person being the straight guy. It's my theory what happened between us scarred the hell out of him because he likes to be open and he liked what happened yet he knows all the pit falls associated with the homophobic world we sadly live in.

Personally I'd be up front with Jacob and tell him this may not lead to anything but hey, lets explore and discover. Bluntly tell Jacob this situation has a high risks factor of failure.

And since this turned in to a mini dump, I have to say I am very happy for you and Jacob for you got to experiment when you were both 15. When I read that, I actually teared up, for I was repeatedly beat up and many other horrific things, for me trying to express my innate sexuality at 14. I hate to say it but I am actually a little jealous. I really do not know what drives jealously, but I have it.

https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stra...=UTF8&qid=&sr=
brainwashed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 10:49 AM   #32
EC Addict
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Jacob D's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family
Age: 25
Posts: 350
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: Things went too far

Hi Brainwashed. You got my name mixed up with Brandon's in your post. I know you made a mistake but I still understood your post. I think Chip was just trying to be helpful and his feedback always is helpful as it gets me to think of things. I also agree with SemiCharmedLife's message, "Fool around with who you fool around with." I relate to it and I feel that trying different and new sexual experiences is good and healthy for me.

I respect what you're trying to say in regards to humans not being programmed to be monogamous. However I disagree with that view. I have always been a relationship type of guy and never once have I strayed or cheated on a girlfriend. When I'm in a relationship I commit myself to it with all my heart and soul and have no interest in other girls. I believe there are many others in this world who are just like me.

In regards to your advice concerning Brandon, I have been up front with him and always will. I've told him that if we should ever end up becoming boyfriends it's possible it may not work out. But then again it's also possible it might work out. We both are aware of these possibilities and no matter what happens or whatever is decided, we have agreed that our friendship is all that matters in the end.
Jacob D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 11:19 AM   #33
EC Addict
Regular Member
 
JonSomebody's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Some people
Posts: 901
Join Date: Nov 2012


Re: Things went too far

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob D View Post
Hi Brainwashed. You got my name mixed up with Brandon's in your post. I know you made a mistake but I still understood your post. I think Chip was just trying to be helpful and his feedback always is helpful as it gets me to think of things. I also agree with SemiCharmedLife's message, "Fool around with who you fool around with." I relate to it and I feel that trying different and new sexual experiences is good and healthy for me.

I respect what you're trying to say in regards to humans not being programmed to be monogamous. However I disagree with that view. I have always been a relationship type of guy and never once have I strayed or cheated on a girlfriend. When I'm in a relationship I commit myself to it with all my heart and soul and have no interest in other girls. I believe there are many others in this world who are just like me.

In regards to your advice concerning Brandon, I have been up front with him and always will. I've told him that if we should ever end up becoming boyfriends it's possible it may not work out. But then again it's also possible it might work out. We both are aware of these possibilities and no matter what happens or whatever is decided, we have agreed that our friendship is all that matters in the end.
Hey Buddy....

I just wanted to say "Hello" and to see how things are with you.
JonSomebody is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 01:31 PM   #34
Newbie
Regular Member
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Conflicted
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Things went too far

Ok, I'm sorry...but my best friend taking advantage of me when I'm in an inebriated state...that would not be ok with me, personally, and the way I read you first post, I kinda feel like that's what happend . I don't mean to provoke any undue feelings, but do you not feel a little troubled by that?

Last edited by NocDusk; 17th Feb 2017 at 01:32 PM..
NocDusk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 02:00 PM   #35
EC Addict
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Jacob D's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family
Age: 25
Posts: 350
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: Things went too far

Hi Jon, things are good

Hi NocDusk. No he did not take advantage of me. I'm sorry you see it that way but that's not what happened. What happened was interesting, new, enjoyable and a very good sexual experience for me.
Jacob D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 02:03 PM   #36
Life is weird.
Full Member
 
Patrick7269's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay but just 1% curious. Technically bi?
Out Status: Family, friends, anyone who needs to know.
Location: Seattle, WA, USA
Age: 44
Posts: 338
Join Date: Aug 2016


Re: Things went too far

Jacob,

Thanks for sharing about these developments. I think it's interesting the way you describe what happened and how you're processing it. I basically concur with Chip that you are at a crossroads, and your honesty with yourself is needed in order to do the best thing for both of you.

Sometimes I am confused when the life I pictured in my mind isn't what actually happens. I picture myself in a certain job, a certain city, a certain lifestyle, and a certain love life, and then what actually happens differs. I find myself discarding and devaluing my experiences because they don't fit my mental model of what "should" be.

Regardless of what you call it, you and your friend have had an an amazing, trusting, enjoyable experience that you may not find elsewhere. Whatever you call it, I hope you can find a way to enjoy it. Sure, it doesn't fit the easy label of "straight", but why would an enjoyable life necessarily be easy? The reality is that you have a bond with this person and you're enjoying some very intimate experiences, so I hope you find a way of making that fit your expectations of life. This guy you're seeing also sounds amazing, patient, and very put together. No matter what I would value him, respect him, and as much as you can within your comfort level, reciprocate a balanced level of effort and interest.

Hope you find find acceptance in time. In the meantime, just enjoy life for the gift that it is! Don't wish your life away just because it doesn't conform to expectations - take your life as a gift the way it is.

Patrick
__________________
"Know thyself."
"Don't believe everything you think."
"Happiness isn't having what you want - it's wanting what you have."
Patrick7269 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 02:06 PM   #37
Newbie
Regular Member
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Conflicted
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Things went too far

Well, ok, as long as you were ok with it. Maybe I'm just inexperienced. But like I said, I hope I didint provoke you or anyone.
NocDusk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 02:21 PM   #38
EC Addict
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
Jacob D's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family
Age: 25
Posts: 350
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: Things went too far

Thank you Patrick7269. Brandon is amazing, patient, and very put together. He is a really great friend who I respect and trust and I'm lucky to have him in my life. Our bond is special and it might not fit the "straight" label but I no longer care. What matters is he is important to me.

---------- Post added 17th Feb 2017 at 02:22 PM ----------

Hi NocDusk. Don't worry you didn't
Jacob D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 04:15 PM   #39
Banned
Regular Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Everyone who matters/anyone who asks
Location: CA
Age: 27
Posts: 467
Join Date: Jan 2016


Re: Things went too far

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob D View Post
Thank you Patrick7269. Brandon is amazing, patient, and very put together. He is a really great friend who I respect and trust and I'm lucky to have him in my life. Our bond is special and it might not fit the "straight" label but I no longer care. What matters is he is important to me.
Totesgaybrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th Feb 2017, 07:31 PM   #40
Banned
Regular Member
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: My wife , my best friend and several friends as e
Location: Ft Lauderdale
Posts: 258
Join Date: Feb 2017


Re: Things went too far

Jacob u are ha doing this your way and remember that I can't please others look in the mirror and if u like what u see and what u r doing awesome
Mj5963 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What does it feel like to be a woman/man? Techno Kid Chit Chat 27 27th Dec 2013 12:01 PM
Losing things.... maverick Coming Out Advice 18 23rd Feb 2011 09:28 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2015, Empty Closets Community Services
The Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21