So, I just thought I'd share a little more about myself...and hear what you all had to say. I've heard and read a ton of what evangelical Christianity has to say about my particular "bend"...and now I find my self here. Anyway... I am going into my late twenties. I am a virgin; I've never been with a man or a woman (unless messing around with some guy friends when I was a kid counts. No penetration or anything, just touching, and daring each other to do "totally not gay stuff" to each other.) But, I am attracted to men, and I have little to no sexual desire for women. However, there have been few enough women to count on one hand, that I have felt a special affection for...I would even flirt with them, even though I wasint attracted them sexually. I have never really pursued a relationship. It's always just been assumed of me that I will marry a woman, my mother pesters me with question of when I'm gonna give her a grandchild...ive never told her right out about my feelings, but she's not ignorant. When I was in anguish a few years ago about my same sex attractions she found a CD addressed to men seeking to overcome the lifestyle...so I guess she's got to have an idea, even if she is in denial, anyway. I'm pretty apprehensive about seeking to persue a relationship with a man, mostly because I wouldn't even know where to begin, and also I really just don't think I'm ready anything intimate....but I am curious. I know some people would say "if you've never been with a man, how do you know your gay?" ...and I think that's fair, but I don't actually know for sure yet. I am conflicted...anyway, I think that's all for now, I typing this on my tiny iPod, and my eyes are starting to hurt, lol. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread if you all have any questions or input. Thanks .
Hey. From reading what you wrote it sounds like you are quite certain that you are gay but you are conflicted about the implications of being a gay man. Personally, I have not yet fully accepted that I am gay, but there are a couple of things you said that I think may be fueling your internal conflict. 1. Re the thing you said about "if you've never been with a man, how do you know you're gay?", I don't really agree that this is a "fair" assesment of coming to terms with one's sexuality. As an example, I don't think many straight men would say "I won't know if I'm really attracted to that women until I have her in my bedroom". Most straight men know if they want to have sex with a woman pretty quickly. I think being gay inherently leads some of us to suppress our homoerotic desires because it's not right according to some parts of society which brings me to my next point. 2. You have to decide whether or not you believe being gay is a "lifestyle" or not. I don't know if you meant to say that your Mom believes that being gay is a "lifestyle", and you were just quoting her, but this I'm sure is contributing to your internal conflict. Being gay is not a "lifestyle" choice, any more than someone chooses the color of their skin. Yes, gay people can suppress their desires and deny who they are, but that does not change who you are at the core of your being. Hope this helps
NocDusk....It's not terribly unusual to be confused about your sexuality. That happens to a lot of people, especially if they think they might not be straight. Society is so completely oriented towards heterosexuality that it can sometimes be difficult to separate things that we have been taught or simply learned from the environment around us from what we feel internally. I agree with maverick19, you don't have to "try out" your sexuality with a guy and/or a girl to find out which you prefer. Most often the "confusion" comes from either realizing that if you are gay you will be swimming against the current that is societies' expectations or fear of how being gay will affect your family/friends and your relationship with them. It's not unusual for both of those situations to exist at the same time. That can make it tough to admit that you are gay. I know this all too well as I went though exactly the same thing when I was 15 years old. In all honesty, I knew then that I was gay. However, I was terrified of admitting it and of facing my family. So, like too many others, I chose to hide. I remained in hiding (in the closet we say now) for over 55 years. I quite literally put myself through hell because I was afraid of what others would think. On Dec. 25, 2014 I reached a terrible crisis. I am so glad that you are posting here on emptyclosets....I had begun looking at EC a month or so before everything fell apart. So, on that Christmas Day, I went to my computer and for the first time in my life I posted "I Need Help" here on EC. Many people came to my rescue and I can now say two years and two months later that I am in the best place emotionally, mentally and in many other ways than I have ever been! I have accepted that I am gay and I am finally at peace with myself. I'm so glad that you are still young enough that you haven't messed up you whole life like I did. (ok not my whole life, but a big chunk of it!) I know that if you post your questions and concerns here on EC there will be many people who will respond with kind words and suggestions for you. It's so good that you are looking for answers. Those of us here on EC who have experienced the same thing that you have will do our best to give you a hand up and help when ever we can....David
