Up until recently I considered myself to be pretty much asexual BUT very romantic. This was because I develop romantic crushes fairly easily. Okay, you'll think, if I get a crush just by crossing looks with another person why am I considering the possibility of being aromantic? Partly because it has never been more than a crush. However strong it was, it has always been like infatuation (not necessarily short though). I've never experienced, butterflies and happiness of being in love. I have not been in love, at least yet. It's like I hit a wall that doesn't let me go from crush to love. But that's not all. Recently I've been sort of developing feelings for my best friend. I have talked to some people and for what I see, it can't be classified as being in love either. It's sort of a much more platonic, life partner really similar to what aromantics say they want and enjoy. It's a much deeper feeling than when I've had a crush. So I wonder if it's possible to be able to have crushes on people, but not falling in love eventually, and instead develop these platonic feelings even if there has not been a crush before? I kind of feel like I have a strange duality, and if the platonic feelings are so deep, I could consider myself some species of ultimately aromantic person, but I would really appreciate some opinions from you because I tend to overthink and overanalyse everything and I'm going nuts. :icon_bigg
Being romantically involved honestly isn't that different from a very close platonic relationship. Being in a relationship is kinda like having a really really good friend except there's kissing. If you have crushes on people, you really don't fit the definition of aromantic. The fact that you haven't fallen in love yet is really not unusual. The fact that you want a platonic life partner (so, a really good friend?) doesn't make you aromantic either.
People are in such a hurry to pull out unrecognized and unvalidated labels to describe what is actually well within the spectrum of normal human sexual behavior. There are lots of people in the world who are hetero, homo, or bisexual, and who simply don't have really strong sex drive. Sex drive can also vary tremendously depending on a variety of factors... stress, presence of anxiety or depression, medications you may be on, family-of-origin issues. These people are entirely normal in terms of their sexual identity, they just have other factors that are influencing how strongly their feelings express. No one, including me, can tell you what you are... that's for you to determine. Yet what you are describing sounds, to me, like the normal sexual connection of someone who just doesn't have super strong sex drive. Lots and lots of people form connections that start platonically and develop into closer connections. Lots of others have difficulty accessing any emotions, and this, in turn, makes it challenging to feel love strongly. But none of these make anyone's sexual orientation anything special... they're just all part of the normal spectrum of human sexuality.
I know it doesn't fit the full definition of it and that it's unlikely that I'm aro in the end, but I've had weird sensations and I want to know where they might come from. I start with a "crazy unlikely scenario" and work from there. There's also the fact that I tend to force crushes into people that would be "crush candidates" to the point that I don't know if I do/did indeed have a crush on them. Also, it's hard to describe, but all I can say is that I don't feel in love, but sort of more than a good friendship with said friend. I don't know if that makes any sense. I know this is a problem I have. I need to tag and label everything in order to feel safe even if I end up with 371257631221 labels at the same time, but I only do this for myself. I've tried to work on that but I always end up hoarding and hunting labels. I wasn't talking about sex drive, however. I'm completely aware that I'm gray-asexual. I was wondering about the romantic part. But thank you anyway!
