I'm really struggling with my sexuality just now. I thought I had accepted myself and came out to one of my best friends as gay/lesbian earlier this year. I've not been able to bring myself to tell anyone else though and it's really getting me down. I know I like girls but I'm really struggling to label my feelings and it just feels like I'm too old to be redefining myself and having to explain to people. I've been wondering if I do actually accept myself and the only thing I can think of is that I'm ok with liking women but I'm not really ok with actually living life as an out lesbian ? I know if would be a healthier life to be out but I just don't see how I'm ever going to get there right now.
You're never too old to redefine yourself. It took me 27 years of misery before I came out as a woman. And it wasn't until 3 months ago at the age of 30 that I fully accepted I was pansexual. I think the problem is the heterosexual expectations that society projects on us is really weighing heavy on your mind. Society grooms us from a young age the hetero way is the most desirable outcome. The thing is your happiness should come first. And you don't owe anyone an explanation for your happiness. I found that life is a journey that can be full of surprises at any point. Take discovering yourself at your own pace. You don't have to dive into anything right now.
If you don't want to be out, then don't be out. If you're not ready to be out just yet, being out will be way too stressful for you. There's no rush to come out. It's okay to struggle with accepting yourself. It seems to me that you struggle with feeling that you're too old to come out and that you do not like to label yourself or that you are still unsure of what label to use. Do you feel that that's what's holding you back, too?
Sinopaa, thanks for that. I do know that you're never too old but it just seems like I am. I'm at a stage where some friends I grew up with are now engaged and married and I still seem to be figuring things out. I Have never been assumed by others to be anything other than straight and I think I have hidden within that for so long that it is just making it even harder. I think I am struggling to find a label I like. I have had a previous relationship with a guy but it was awkward as anything. If I think about who I want to be with it is always female but there is just a part of me that wonders. I know it isn't necessary to label but I feel that if you're not straight people expect to know what you are?
