Hi. So I've been with guys most of my life. It's the normal thing to do and I have a very strict conservative family. I started dating in seventh grade where I dated a boy for a year, but I was known to be frigid because I'd only kissed him once. Then and now I'm able to maintain relationships with men on hobbies alone I believe. I'm very laid back and I love video games and internet culture. Freshman year of highschool, I fell in love with my best friend. Pure emotional love and attachment. There is no doubt. She was straight though, so I did not pursue. I cried for months when she ditched me as a friend because I loved her so much. BUT the idea of sex isn't unattractive to me, it just isn't actively desired. I would have sex with a girl. But it never really crosses my mind. But I loved girls and feel very strongly for them and it makes me want to be the best I can be. I've had sex with men. I hate it. It feels like nothing or hurts. I've dated men as a sort of "why not" factor, and to gain approval from my family; they have noticed my behaviors leaning towards girls. I find girls physically attractive and I am able to love deeply and passionately. They give me butterflies and I have had huge crushes on them, yet I am too scared to branch out and find a girl-- the lack of active sexual desire makes me feel I would be a bad girlfriend. I'm not one to ever be sure about myself or anything in general, but finding love in women really made me feel... like myself. I know what I want. But the sex thing sorta is really huge,has anyone perhaps been in my shoes?
Hmm... Well, I can't speak for your situation but I'll give my insight regardless. A relationship without sex can certainly work, it doesn't have to be a priority or on the mind. I could care less personally as long as the emotional attachment is really there and she actually cares about me. Straight guys seem to have it as some kind of odd priority, but if you aren't getting your share of the enjoyment don't let them pressure you into anything you aren't feeling up to. If both parties aren't enjoying it then certainly something is wrong. There are plenty of folks who don't see it as a necessity, you wouldn't be a bad girlfriend for it... The dating pool is already kind of small but if one person is too pushy it's not a bad idea to try again elsewhere. Plenty of folks out there you know? I know firsthand distance can be a pain though. Also if your only reason for continuation is to please your family, I'd advise against that. I was in the same boat not too long ago and it doesn't ease off, you can't just live your life for them. You have to be you, and not put so much effort in trying to be the "perfect vision" they wanted. It doesn't get easier that way unfortunately, they'll have to come to accept you for who you are in time or they aren't doing their job as parents. So to sum it up yes, if dating guys doesn't feel right at all, and you feel emotionally attached to other women, then I'd say go find yourself you know? You can't let parents live your life for you. You did say you lived in a pretty backwards area though so I'd advise caution over coming out all of the sudden. Maybe see how your family reacts to others in a similar situation, and if they seem cool drop subtle hints here and there. The sad thing though is some parents will side with these social stigmas over their own children, you'll want to make sure this isn't the case. If it's bad enough, you might want to consider moving. I'm in Georgia currently and the small minds have sent me on my way to Canada. Sometimes it's necessary to live a good life, but not exactly the first solution.
Hey, Firstly, sorry to hear that your best friend ditched you - that can really hurt (and even more so when you have feelings for them). There is no denying that having feelings for another girl/woman can be extremely overpowering, passionate and all-consuming. I believe there are several types of attraction: romantic, sexual and emotional/intellectual. There may even be more, but those three are usually the most prominent. From what you've described, it's likely that you experience strong romantic attraction to women, which doesn't necessarily involve feelings of a sexual nature. It can, however. Attraction is complicated. Sometimes it's hard to put a label on how we feel, or what we wish to define ourselves as. Remember, you don't even have identify with a label if you don't want to. Many people simply consider themselves 'queer' or even 'fluid'. That way, if you do develop feelings for either a man or woman, it's easier to accept. I suppose you just have to do what FEELS right for you. Listen to your instincts. Personally, I think a lesbian is someone who is sexually attracted to women. As a lesbian myself, the main factor that led me to realise I was a lesbian was that I felt intense sexual attraction to women (well, the ladies I was crushing on). I can't begin to count the number of times I fantasised about them in a sexual way! I'd had little crushes on guys before, but when I actually dated a guy, it never felt right. Something was missing, and it felt incredibly unnatural and awkward. I began to realise I felt little to no sexual attraction towards men. Sure, I still notice and appreciate when a man is handsome or attractive, but I don't have a desire to have sex with one. You say you've had huge crushes on girls and they give you butterflies - well, I think that's a big indication that you should try to date one. Give it a shot! You could try a girls dating app to start with ('Her' is a good one). I know how scary it can be to venture out and explore your feelings for the first time, or become intimate. However, if you never try, you'll never know, right? Your parents being strict and conservative does make things a bit more difficult, but perhaps you wouldn't have to tell them at first. I wish you all the very best. Take care!
