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Lesbian but feel attracted to a much younger guy. So confused.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sapphiregirl, Feb 20, 2017.

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  1. sapphiregirl

    sapphiregirl
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    I feel very guilty about this, but it's the truth. I'm 22 and I'm a lesbian. Nothing can compare with the intense feelings I've felt towards girls. However, I've been feeling attracted to this guy whom I occasionally work with... and he's 16. I know it's wrong. I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way, especially as he's much younger than me.

    He's 5'6" (the same height as me), with a slim/toned build. Shoulder-length, wavy brown hair, and the smoothest skin. In a way, he's slightly effeminate. At work, I simply feel very drawn to him and can feel the warmth radiating from both of us. The attraction I feel is like a desire to take care of him, to hold him, and make him feel beautiful and loved. When we talk, he often opens up to me, and I notice myself speaking to him in a gentle, softer tone, turning my body completely towards him, standing a little closer etc. I am in dangerous territory, I know.

    Last night, I started imagining him in a sexual way and was once again absolutely disgusted with myself. God, I feel awful about it. I was thinking that I may just be attracted to his slight effeminacy due to his youth, as I literally never experience any kind of sexual attraction or desire for men my own age who are more overtly 'masculine'. Thankfully, I don't work with him all the time.

    What might this mean? Have you ever felt something similar? Any opinions or insights would be appreciated.
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, Feb 20, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2017
  2. AlexJames

    AlexJames
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    It might be purely because he's effiminate. During my middle school years when i started noticing i was looking at girls, not boys, and was thoroughly ashamed and confused by it, i ended up convincing myself it was wrong and inappropriate. But because i guess it had to show itself somehow, the only guys i 'crushed' on were effeminate guys. It could be that you're only attracted to this boy for that reason.

    Let me ask you this though. What disgusted you? The fact that the boy is 16? Or the fact that he's a boy, and something about that disgusted you? Because with me, as much as i can find an effeminate guy aesthetically pleasing and admire that, i find the thought of actually doing anything sexual with a guy unappealing and boring. Was there anything you liked about the sexual fantasy involving the boy, and if so what was it? Stuff like this is what i would ask myself. Perhaps it will help you figure things out, or at least help others trying to help you.
     
    #2 AlexJames, Feb 20, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2017
  3. Loveislife

    Loveislife
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    I completely agree with Lunarlyric.
     
    #3 Loveislife, Feb 20, 2017
  4. sapphiregirl

    sapphiregirl
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    Thank you for your response. Yeah, I think it might be simply because he has some traits that would be considered more effeminate - as a lesbian, I'm basically attracted to femininity, so it makes sense. I think what disgusted me most was accepting that he's only 16 - young enough to be my little brother or something. He comes from a good family, attends a good school, has goals in life, and is just an innocent teenager.

    Now that I reflect upon it, the thought of actually having sex with him does turn me off. I guess what I liked most about the fantasy was the emotional/romantic side of it, like imagining cuddling with him, talking deeply, kissing, being physically close etc. I think attraction can be complicated sometimes, and I guess I need to accept that throughout life there will always be people I'm attracted to who don't really fit my 'norm'
     
    #4 sapphiregirl, Feb 20, 2017
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  5. Naos210

    Naos210
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    It could be the fact he's a bit effeminate. While I'm not a lesbian, I do fit more of this fellow's mold (being the more feminine male I am), and as such, I do understand where you're coming from. Granted, I've never attracted a lesbian (or any females for that matter), it could be that you're romantically attracted to males while being sexually attracted to females. Sexuality and romanticism aren't really two-way streets, I feel it could exist on a spectrum. I haven't been attracted to any males in particular, but the romantic thought could work under specific circumstances. Could I ever sex with them? No. Definitely not. I have been attracted to people who weren't the "norm", I'm more attracted to the more masculine females (tomboy, not anything too extreme), but more feminine "girly girls", I'd like every once in a while.

    On the matter of the age difference, in the UK, it is legal, but morally, I don't really think so. You could wait a few years if you're really that into him. But, since you're not having sex at all, the legality is irrelevant. Dating can be legal at any age, but you could possibly be seen as a "cradle robber" for lack of a better term. On the other hand, according to your post, this is more just a fantasy than anything that might actually happen.

    Nonetheless, I do wish you luck.
     
    #5 Naos210, Feb 20, 2017
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