Gay Club

I have no experience with gay clubs, but my instinct tells me that if this person is there, they know what you're going through and won't out you until you're ready to axe the closet door yourself.

 

Hey AlecF,

What are your concerns or trepidations about going to a Gay Club?

There are all sorts out there, so you should probably do a little research before-hand.

Are you asking about how to 'act'? What to expect? What basic signals are between gay guys?

 

Alec, If you see some one you know and are afraid, just say hey, I'm not out yet, please respect that. Going to a bigger city? If it happens to be in Lacrosse start with a bar called Chances R. Everyone is welcome and the staff is always nice.

Good Luck
Dean

 

Been a while since I did the bar and club thing, but...

A lot will depend on the type of club (or bar as the case may be).

Some places are giant dance clubs, with lots of guys dancing shirtless and go-go dancers in thongs, others are piano bars and still others are neighborhood dive bars that you'd be hard pressed to tell were any different from their straight equivalents, right down to the pool tables, dart boards, and tournaments for same. Some clubs are themed - dance, country/western, leather and BDSM, others are not.

There are huge clubs and small clubs where everyone knows your name. Some have a fair number of straight people who go there because they like the music and the crowd. Others don't. Etc.

Dress codes are all over the map, from expecting you to dress a certain way (button down shirt, no tank tops, etc.) to 'as long as you are wearing pants, we're good'.

These days a lot of bars have websites or Facebook pages or the like. Consider checking them out to see if you can get an idea of what kind of place they are (Some post photos of events), what kind of events they may host, when events occur (either to go to or avoid), etc. Ignore the images on the homepage showing scantily clad guys or the like - those are generally stock images intended to titillate and grab attention - they may have nothing to do with the bar/club itself.

In terms of what to expect...this can also vary a bit and shouldn't be taken as set in stone, but...

a) Guys with their shirts open or off are not uncommon - especially on the dance floor and if the place is warm. Enjoy the view, if you've a mind to.

b) If there's a dance floor, moves that would get you kicked out of a straight bar won't even be noticed. Everything from grinding to group dance moves that resemble game of Twister are possible. Pretty much anything short of actual sex is likely to be acceptable.

c) Guys with open or no shirts, wearing jeans, boots, leather armbands, or body harnesses, are advertising what they are into.

d) You may get hit on, with varying degrees of subtlety, or lack thereof. If you aren't interested, be polite when turning someone down. Politeness costs little and can earn you brownie points with people you may be interested in who see the interaction. Consider deflecting rather than outright 'no' -(e.g., 'I'm just checking things out tonight, but thank you.' - or the like).

e) You may get hit on, etc. - bring condoms unless you are utterly sure you won't possibly be having sex with someone that night. And maybe even then. If the situation comes up, insist on safe sex and nothing else. That said, don't feel you are obligated to do anything with anyone if you aren't comfortable with it.

f) On the flip side, don't assume that just because someone talks to you that they want to get in your pants. Some people just want to talk and socialize. Again, being polite can pay you dividends later.

Finally, because all bars are different, it's usually good to go into one with an open mind and also being ready to go somewhere else. You may find that you really don't much care for the first bar you go to - and then find that you love the second (or third or fourth) bar. Or you like an event at a bar even if you don't care for the place the rest of the time. Know what you like and try to find a bar that fits in with your preferences and tastes.

Hope this helps,

Todd