A little about myself, I am in my 40's, deeply closeted man who several years ago began to look at actions and question them. I will make this quick...My closest friend one night while we were texting asked me, if I had ever had sex with a man. I was stunned because no one had ever asked me about my orientation. (I was Joe Athlete into college and had always been one of the guys - publicly) privately, I had enjoyed seeing men naked in magazines had even gone to video peep shows to watch gay films. A professor in college aroused me and I mustered up the nerve to tell him, and he had flown out of town so I never did again taking it as a sign. I then dated women, thought it was a phase but again found myself buying gay porn magazines and films.(you can see some is a little dated because it was pre internet). I then decided that I would take the next step and had sex with a transgender person because they had something I liked and had experience and something I wanted to try. From there it happened a few more times and eventually joined an online site and began trying to hook up all the while dating and enjoying women. Which brings me to when I answered my friend. I told her about my experiences and it felt liberating. Because of that discussion, I began to explore my attraction to men but it was strange that I enjoyed the sex but there was no emotional connection with men. I began to see a therapist who was helpful and I told her of my friend and what happened and she asked me to ask her what made her ask. She said she had no real reason (which has always been something that buzzes around in my head). And today, I have begun to wonder if I embrace the possibility of a connection with men will the emotional come or as Kinsey says is it all a continuum and no absolutes. (Sorry that this is so long winded). Any thoughts or advice would be welcomed.
Hi There, I can't predict with certainty that the emotional connection will come, but it certainly could. If you're coming from a background (as most people do) that says that emotional connection is only possible with someone of the opposite sex then you might be somewhat conditioned to that being the only time you should feel that way. Also, if you've been doing hookups without an emotional connection even considered as a possibility, then that could be coloring your experience. I guess my main thought is - if you're curious about it and want to explore this part of yourself further, why not give it a go? If you don't end up feeling a connection then no harm done, and if you do, you might find you really like it. That said, looking for an emotional connection is going to involve a somewhat different process then just looking for a hookup. For one thing you are dealing with other human beings with feelings and you need to respect that. Also, you will probably want to look to other venues besides hookup apps or the like. Perhaps look at Meetup.com or the local LGBT community center for events and activities that involve socializing with people and getting to know them. If a connection grows out of that and turns into a relationship, woo-hoo! But ideally, you should view that as a bonus, not as an end in itself. Go for the sake of meeting other people and having fun first. Hope this helps, Todd
Will33496 welcome to ECs. From your post, I would say, you just dont know. Start a journal and write down stuff from your past remotely pertaining to attractions. Sexuality can be fluid. Or you could be suffering from shame. After a while show the journal to the therapist. Get there take. Remember this, it's been my experience that general therapist make poor sexuality therapist. Oh sure they'll wing it, anything to get your money. Hit my wall if you have any questions. Later
