Okay lately (as in 2 years) I've been battling and observing myself on this very important life decision, and it all started on my last year in high school. I love girls trust me I do but my last year in high school was just a cloudy haze of my sexual orientation, see there was this one gay guy in class < (talk about daily torture when I least needed it) he was very feminine and we had once in a while conversations but when we did talk I'd catch myself starring at his lips for the longest and when I stop to look him in the eyes It was even weirder and when he'd walk off or pass me his ass would grab my attention I'd jus wanna grab his. I came to the conclusion that i was attracted to him but on the other hand GIRLS! so I ignored it and high school ended but lately it seems as if I didn't really leave everything in the past. because now more than ever my attraction to fem gay guys is slowly building up to the point that I can't brush it off and I'm already here which in its self kinda says I want this so yeah life huh
See where it leads you! This is a question that only you can answer, but there are several things to consider: 1) Experimentation does not "lock" your sexual orientation. Experimentation is good and valid and you should go with what you (and potential partners) want. If you want to explore your attraction to guys, do it safely. You can always say: No, this is not for me, and meet a nice girl if that is who you really are. 2) You do not have to experiment. Fantasies, mindfulness can tell you your orientation. Everybody's self discovery is a little bit different. 3) High school means you are round about 18, iirc? That is definitely a time where your perception of your sexuality can still change, especially if you haven't had any/only a few sexual encounters (I don't know you, so this might be totally untrue). 4) While sexual orientation is most probably fixed, your perception and expression of these feelings might shift. That is called sexual fluidity and a lot more common then you would expect. A lot of people who have a late coming out report a shift in attraction, once they accepted repressed desires (myself included). That repression does not even have to be forceful, like you describe it can be a simple decision to lay it off till later. That is what I did, I started the discovery of my sexuality when a close family member was close to dying and I said: Nope, can't deal with that now, and waited four years. To clear your head some: What are your fantasies about? From your post I would assume mostly guys by now. That sounds like a strong indicator to me, but only you can tell that. There are basically two likely scenarios: 1) You are mostly gay and are realizing your true orientation now. Your attraction to girls will probably wane a bit more until you are a complete mo. Have fun ;-) 2) You are a bi guy and your pendulum might continue swinging. Your attraction to girls might return and you will settle with a bi or pan orientation, loving girls and boys. Have fun ;-) The important thing is to get rid of any expectations, from yourself and others and just live it. If there is a LGBT club or center near you, you might want to go there and see who you will meet.
z4n396, I'm currently in your exact situation and would love to see where this thread goes :eusa_danc And thank you Iliricon, much of what you said cleared my head a bit!
thanx for the not so small explanation. for now I'll jus let my decisions guide where i stand on this, also will experiment And when i end up with someone i like (whoever that is) then it's hello monogamy also cleared my head abit
Hi Z4n3. I've gone through that although much later in life. Iliricon is right on the money with the alternate outcomes. I'm guessing you're still quite young. There is something of a stereotype that teenage guys who identify as bi are just testing the waters on their way to coming out as gay. Not saying that's you but it does seem to be a thing. When I acknowledged my sexuality I had a lot of fluctuations in my attractions. It was really confusing. Especially when you think you're bi but go a few days only noticing guys. It really throws your head for a loop. I think it's likely too soon to tell for you. Try not to stress about it too much. I know that's easily said. But you're on the right track to figure it out. One thing that's helped me a ton is listening to Dan Savages podcast. All kinds of people call into his show and while I listened i would hear situations mirroring my own after awhile. It was nice to know someone else had gone through what I was feeling. Good luck.
Ok. It sounds to me like you're slowly, slowly understanding your sexuality more and more and over time you will repress your thoughts less and less. It's okay, you can take all the time you need. Just one thing, though: until you are absolutely sure about your sexuality, please don't date anyone, because that's not being fair to them. Hooking up is fine, just don't have someone emotionally invested in you.
Thanks again Zen, your comments on much of the recent threads have been helping me A TON through these confusing times! It's great to see someone who has gone through something so similar to what I and countless others are going through and made it out! :eusa_clap
Welcome to EC! You're definitely in the right place. One of the best things you can do is be open minded. Pay attention to where your eyes wander when you're out and about. If you aren't thinking about it, do they go more toward guys or girls? Or both equally. Also, try masturbating without porn for a week or so. In alternating sessions, think about guys, then about girls, and then don't consciously think about anything and see where your mind takes you. Usually after you've done this a few times, you'll get a pretty clear picture that one or the other will create stronger arousal. If that's the case... then that's a pretty reliable answer. Also, it isn't uncommon as men are first coming to terms with not being straight to find themselves attracted to men with more feminine characteristics. Sometimes this persists, but other times it serves as a sort of unconscious rationalization for the fact that we're feeling same-sex attraction. In any case, this isn't something you'll figure out overnight. Take your time, recognize that there will be a part of you that finds it difficult to accept (if you are, in fact, gay or on the gay side of bi) and give yourself permission to simply roll with it and see how you feel. And to the extent you feel comfortable talking about your experiences here, we can give you some further guidance and suggestions to help you figure yourself out.
