please

Well, rest assured, judging from the way you think about girls and guys it sounds like you're gay and not changing at all to me. Your fear is rooted in something else.

 

This is actually the fear I had when I was straight and thinking I was turning gay.

I was so uncertain about how I was feeling, whether these underlying feelings towards certain men were genuine, whether these feelings would grow, and whether or not they would take over, pushing away all of the thoughts and feelings I had towards women. And in the end, that is exactly what happened.

The thing is, the LGBTQ community tends to encourage this change, because your mind and body know what they want, and we just want everyone to be comfortable with who they are and what they want than to be swayed by outside opinions to reject these feelings and hide them away in the back of our minds. We see this change more often with people going from straight to gay, or from straight to Bi, because everyone is encouraged by society, their family, and by their local communities to be straight, and discover themselves later. You seem to have discovered yourself early on as being gay, but now you feel you may be going through another change.

From the looks of it, perhaps because you haven't been with any men yet (at least as far as you have told us), you haven't fully explored your gayness in order to allow it to sink in as a key aspect of who you are. You get off on thoughts or images of men, but you've never held a relationship with one and taken your orientation to the next level. So now, you feel pressured by your peers to be straight, because there may or may not be very many other gay men around you to pick up inspiration or encouragement from.

There is a slim chance that your orientation could be shifting, as mine and many others have the other direction. But I would not let this fear of that possibility get to you. You know what you like, you know what you want. You've said as much in this post. So if you like men, then don't think you need a girl to fit in. If you don't think girls can offer you anything, then don't try to convince yourself that you're missing out on something that others appear to be getting. There's no secret to what a woman can offer you. Each person is simply aroused and attracted to different aspects of men or women, and sometimes both.

Just try to clear your head a bit and let your feelings come naturally, they will tell you what's what. But if you let societal pressures of conformity influence how you feel, that's when you will get confused.

 

I think I did explain this some in my reply, but I'll reiterate.

Right now I feel like the radio dial of my sexuality has swung far to the right, but not completely: meaning I am mostly gay, but still have a visual appreciation for women and their personalities. And I think a lot of gay men do feel that way. So perhaps I'll embrace the gay title fully in another year or so. But depending on the porn I'm watching, most of the videos I tended to watch before my recent sexuality shift still get me off, even if I don't think a real woman could do much for me at this point.

Basically, I crave a relationship with a man now more than I ever did, but a relationship with a woman would have to be very particular for it to really work. There's always a chance that my sexuality could swing a little bit back to the left again. But considering all of the signs from my high school and college years, and my overall personality, I think it's pretty definitive that I am mainly gay, but I have an attraction and an appreciation for all types of people depending on who they are.

I also think being with a woman wouldn't quite work in terms of chemistry and personalities, because I like to feel like the female in a relationship. I have a lot of fantasies where I'm the naive, inexperienced partner (and basically I kinda am. still a virgin), and this tall, soft faced, slightly masculine man is going to sweep me off my feet and take me to Cloud-9. It makes me feel cute and pretty. And I'm just not sure that a woman could enjoy that unless they are bisexual, want to be with a man, but want a man with a very openly feminine side. Even if there was such a woman like that, I think the dynamic would throw me off too much, cause they would also need to be a masculine woman.

Funny thing, I used to always want a cute, smart, well dressed, confident and independent girlfriend who is multi-talented and can sing. But over the years, and now after realizing I'm gay, I'm actually slowly becoming that girl I've always wanted, so that I can be that way for someone else. How's that for irony.

So that's me. XD