Hello everyone! I'm new to this website. I wanted to express some thoughts I've been having lately and too embarrassed to discuss it with anyone and I know if I ever bring it up people will think I'm just confused. Which I am slightly, but that's not my trait or identity. I've only been with girls mostly. Was engaged to a woman, I had two girlfriends in total. I'm 28 yrs old. It feels very natural for me to be around women, shy, giddy aroused etc. I'm very sexually open so I've dated a few guys here and there for fun and it never got serious. But out of nowhere I now have a boyfriend (35) he's beautiful and amazing and kind and everything any girl would want, a friend to have and generally overall amazing guy. We've been together for over a year and a half. I feel happy and safe with him. He's my first boyfriend. I don't want to sound overly vulgar over here but I'll try to be decent. I feel with girls we're more sexually active, we enjoy sensuality and have more than one orgasm. To me this was very normal. But with my boyfriend we only have sex once a week and it's amazing but there's no such thing as multiple orgasms, sensual kissing or sexual intimacy. It's just hot. If that makes sense. I've discussed this with him in a nice way that I want more and I miss having longer sessions then he tries and we're back to square one in a few weeks. I'm sorry if I sound silly and ignorant a little bit, but is it because I've been with girls we tend to have more of an appetite? I know we're not sexually compatible as much as he wants but I do love him. I feel horrible but I always think about other girls when we have sex or how I miss long hair on me, someone soft gentle and sexy. Does this make me a bad person? I know I'm bisexual but I feel something is missing and I really don't know anymore. Maybe I'm too demanding and my desires should be toned down. I'm not sure. I've also offered him threesomes for fun but he just laughs it off so we never did anything. Has anyone ever experienced this before? The guilt? Embarrassment and just lost. I feel so sad about this. Thank you for hearing me out. I hope I haven't offended anybody!
Welcome to EC! Physiologically speaking, this isn't too surprising. With many guys, sex is a "one and done" sort of deal. The orgasm tends to be not just intense, but also physically draining (in all senses of the word). For instance, many men masturbate in bed just before they go to sleep, as it helps knock them out for the night. Not only that, but the actual desire for sex tends to diminish almost completely post-orgasm for guys. It can sometimes feel like you sat down at an all-you-can-eat buffet of your favorite food in the world...and then suddenly you felt excessively full. The idea of continuing on isn't often an extremely attractive one. Because of that, most guys tend to come up with some work-arounds. One technique is to enter into a sexual encounter exceptionally horny. If it's been a few days since the last orgasm, he can usually work up the energy to go a second round. And in addition, that round tends to be slower and more sensual, and hitting orgasm tends to take a lot longer. Another technique is to simply forgo orgasm until the very end of the encounter, when both partners are ready to "call it quits" for the day. This can work fine as long as the guy can actually avoid orgasm, though - sometimes, it can sort of sneak up on you when you're not expecting it. If you haven't tried either of these techniques, you might give them a go next time...if there is one. Read on. Nah, not at all. It just means that, right now, you're far more to the lesbian side of bisexual than the straight side. Nothing wrong with that...other than the fact that you've currently got a boyfriend. I'd say another talk is in store. Lex
Lostdroid, I agree with Lexington: the problems you have in sexual life with this guy are most likely result of the fact that you're more on the lesbian side of sexuality continuum. Ideal solution for you would be if you got a bisexual male partner, if you want to continue heterosexual relationships at all ... By the way, is it very difficult to live as a LGBT person in Dubai, taking into account that Arab states are very conservative and LGBT unfriendly? I guess, you must be very cautious and discreet pursuing a LGBT relationship?
Thank you for replying! I didn't know that's how men are with orgasms thank you for shedding light for me. I just always thought I have a big sexual appetite and he can't keep up after an orgasm. I believe I'm more towards my lesbian side and I feel really embarrassed about feeling this way because I do love my boyfriend and if I do talk to him about it he might be hurt. It's a scary feeling to be honest because I did offer threesomes and he doesn't seem so overly interested in it as much as I hoped so. I've even said to him that I could just watch him have intercourse with another woman I wouldn't mind, just so he knows how open, secure and trust I feel in this relationship. I have zero interest in other men at this point other than him but craving women more now... I just need to figure out how to translate that to him without offending him ---------- Post added 4th Mar 2017 at 09:27 PM ---------- I've always felt that I would be extremely happy if I were with a bisexual man. I've only ever encountered one in my life and he's my close friend. He's got the same mentality as me and the only person who understands the problems I'm having. How do I compromise in this existing relationship with my boyfriend and still be happy? I feel I might hurt his feelings if I start saying I'm more into my gay side than straight side. In regards living in the Middle East as LGBT - It's pretty chilled to be honest. Most of my male friends are gay. But at work place, or families - they don't discuss their sexuality. We avoid any displays of affection in public. It's pretty normal. It is a conservative place but honestly speaking, living here all my life... as long as you're discreet, you can live a very happy and fullfilling life with your partner and friends. A really massive gay scene here x
Lostdroid, perhaps you should try to find a bisexual male partner through internet or social media, because I think he'd really understand you better, especially your sexual desires. Concerning LGBT in Middle East: but surely there's a pressure on you to get married, have some children ..., excercised by your families. Because, as far as I'm familiar, Middle East is a Moslem, very conservative region. So, how do you deal with that? Do you resort to the so called lavender marriages? Do you have any possibility and wish to emigrate to Europe or North America, because here you'd be able to live your sexuality in much more free and open manner?
