Spoiler I’ve always felt a certain way towards girls, and I’m just not sure what it means, or if any straight people feel the same, or if any gay people feel the same. I don’t know if what I feel is just pure platonic admiration, or full-blown, intense, emotional desires, and because I don’t know what I feel, I feel like I don’t validate my feelings, and it’s just confusing. I don’t know if my ‘crushes’ are real crushes, or if I’ve ever experienced anything close to the thing they call love, or if I’m gay or straight or bisexual. I mean, I don’t really need labels, people fall in love with whomever they do. I just want to know if there’s a possibly that I could be a lesbian, and I just want to know if my feelings are real. I’ve always been attracted to and excited about girls. I’ve always felt like the best thing about going out, or doing anything, is girls in general. Things like walking down the streets, getting put in a group for group work, going into a shop. Best thing about those is seeing other girls, being around other girls, stuff like that. Even just seeing a random girl across the street. Is this how straight girls feel about boys? Or is this also a thing straight people feel for the same sex? Women in general get me irresistibly and inevitably tingly and warm and funny inside, in shows, movies, videos, and in real life, and I just want to be close to them, physically and emotionally, as friends or as secret ‘crushes’, whatever my heart decides to go and do. I get excited when one sits next to me, I get excited when one stands behind me in queues, I get excited when one stands next to me in the elevator. I’ve always told myself it was because maybe I found comfort in solidarity, or maybe I liked indulging myself in feeling like they trust me? Just yesterday, I was in a lecture and this girl sat down next to me, and I was secretly so pleased. But then my friend came and asked her if she could switch seats to sit next to me, and disappointment just started burning all through my body, and I swear I actually felt my heart grow spikes. Also, for some reason, when any one of my celebrity crushes come out as gay or bisexual, I somehow feel happy? Filled with some sort of relief? Gladness? It’s not like I’m ever going to meet them and fall in love and get married and build a life together, but I just automatically do this? Is this more of a fan thing? I also just get ridiculously excited about little things, like that time my fingers touched the waitress’ as she handed me a brownie, or when someone called me “Darlin’” and squeezed my shoulder, or when someone got super close to me and my elbows were ever so slightly, gently yet firmly, pressed against her breasts. I’d get all excited and I’d think about it for days, and I’d text my friend about it and gush about it, but in the text, I’d always pretend it’s a guy. “The waiter was so hot, our fingers touched and he called me “sweetie””, or “He’s so cute, his hand lingered on my shoulder,” or “He’s so handsome, I was pressed against his abs for a good ten seconds.”. Do straight people do this with people of the same sex too? Or is this what it feels like for straight girls when they meet cute guys? Or when lesbians meet cute girls? Random strangers aside, I have had intense, emotional feelings for girls. I’ve never had a crush on a guy before in my life (I’ve pretended to, whenever me and my friends talk about crushes), but I don’t know if I’m straight or gay, so I don’t know if my ‘crushes’ were ever really crushes, though all my ‘crushes’ have been girls, and they have always been one of the most wonderfully intense, all-consuming, best things ever (I’m 18 and I’ve had 3 intense crushes in my life so far, each lasting at least 3 years). Though my hearty-mushy-romantic feelings have always been unrequited, they've always been somehow returned through meaningful friendship, and they allowed me to grow and become the best versions of myself. I felt happy and complete, and my days just become so filled with them, and that’s so great because they’re the most amazing people. Life becomes colourful and full of purpose, and I think about them all the time, and everything around me somehow remind me of them. Their texts and our conversations and interactions are basically the main thing I wake up for. I have a crush right now, and she’s absolutely wonderful, she's the best, and I’m always picturing a future with her, where we live together with her dog, and where a long terrible day at work won’t matter because I’d go home to her, her embrace and her presence. We’d talk about our days, what we had for lunch, who annoyed us at work. Our days would start with her making us smoothies and me making us pancakes, and end with her reading me poetry at night. I can’t wait to pick up on her little quirks, learn what makes her tick, find out about her little flaws, spend so much time together until we start adopting each other’s little habits and favourite words and phrases. I want her to be the person who worries about me, and the person I fight over silly little things with. Is that what a crush or love is? Or is that just respect and adoration or some weird unhealthy obsession? In regards to more sexual stuff, I’ve never been in a relationship or done anything sexual with anyone before, not even kiss. But I do have yearns to kiss girls. I was working on a project once with a classmate I’ve kind of always found pretty and funny and cute, and she leaned in really close, and her supple lips were just, they were just there and so enticing, and her smooth neck was just GOD so beautiful and I just wanted to get close to it. Just thinking about it now as I’m typing. Man. I swear my heart is pumping so hard I swear it’s trying to excavate through my chest. I just burned and wanted to touch her skin and kiss her. But this is kind of straight thing, right? Like how guys stereotypically enjoy watching girls make out? In regards to more, more sexual stuff, I don’t watch lesbian porn, but I do watch some straight porn whenever I do, and I’ve never been attracted to the guy, and I'd just be pretending it's only me and the girl. I mean, the porn in general does turn me on, but to me, and I’ve never admitted this before but, guys have always had the sexual appeal of a dull plank of wood with a sad little lifeless stick in the middle (no offence boys, really. We’re all beautiful xxx). I could never relate to my straight friends gushing and obsessing over men and their abs and their muscles. The girls, though, for me, girls are always much easier to desire. I mean, they’re just gentle and angelic and beautiful and perfect and so god damn soft and all, and I feel my heart and lungs and everything in my body dancing. And I’d somehow get turned on just by the thought of being intimate with a girl? Sometimes, when it's not porn, I do think about my crushes, and it just drives me insane. The thought of our bodies being so physically close, someone so amazing becoming one with me, our skins touching and just merging into a giant fireball of pure passion. Just. I can't even describe it. But I've never even been with anyone before, maybe I like boys too? I’m sorry if I offend anyone (sorry again, boys!xx). And I'm so sorry this was so long!!! I've always kind of questioned my sexuality but this is the first time I'm actually addressing and admitting it and writing it all down, and now it's just spilled out into this loooong essay. And I’m really sorry if I’ve given off this vibe that I hope I’m straight, but it’s just because I guess I kind of have to be. In high school, I used to write notes to one of my ‘crushes’, and my mum found one I’d just written, and she got terribly upset, and sat me down and told me that it was wrong and unnatural. She’s obviously very old-fashioned and traditional and if I come out as gay, her entire being would honestly just. Crumble. My dad is homophobic too. I mean, well, not homophobic. My parents respect other people’s sexual preferences – I’ve asked about that – but they have had dropped hints that if any of their kids were to declare their homosexuality, it’ll be the end of them. If I came out, they’d probably live in denial forever. Maybe get me a husband before I can do anything about it. Maybe disown me. I don’t know. I don’t want to know. Anyway, thank you so much in advance for reading this, and I hope if you, straight or gay, can relate to whatever I've just written, can give me some advice about my sexuality, or if my 'crushes' really are what crushes are meant to feel like. Thanks so much again!!! Xx Mod note: I've edited the two threads together, and put the original, longer post post in the spoiler tag above.
Hi, so I created a post of the same title earlier today, but I've just realised how long it is, so I've shortened it. So sorry!: I’ve always felt a certain way towards girls, and I don’t know if what I feel is platonic or 'real', and because I don’t know what I feel, I don’t validate my feelings. I don’t know if I’m gay or straight, and I don’t really need labels, I just want to know if there’s a possibility that I could be a lesbian, and I just wanna know if my feelings are real. I get excited about little things, like when a girl sits next to me, or stands next to me, or like that time my fingers touched the waitress’ as she handed me a brownie, or when someone got super close to me and my elbow was ever so slightly, gently yet firmly, pressed against her breasts. I’d text and gush about it with my friend, but I’d always pretend it’s a guy. “The waiter was cute, our fingers touched and he lingered,”, or “I was pressed against his abs for a good ten seconds.”. I’ve always told myself it was because I found comfort in solidarity, or maybe I liked indulging myself in feeling like they trust me? Do straight people do this with people of the same sex too? Or is this what it feels like for straight girls when they meet cute guys? Or when lesbians meet cute girls? Random strangers aside, I have had intense, emotional feelings for girls. Never had a crush on a guy before, but I don’t know if I’m gay, and I don’t know if my ‘crushes’ were ever really crushes, but they've always been the most wonderfully all-consuming, best things ever. I'd feel happy and complete, and life becomes colourful and full of purpose, and everything around me somehow reminds me of them. I have a crush right now, and she’s the most amazing thing. I’m always picturing a future with her, where we live together with her dog, and where a long terrible day at work won’t matter because I’d go home to her and her embrace. We’d talk about our days and complain about work. In the mornings, she'd make us smoothies and I'd make us pancakes, and at night, she'd read us poetry while I snuggle up next to her. I can't wait to pick up on her little quirks, learn what makes her tick, find out about her little flaws, spend so much time together until we start adopting each other’s little habits and favourite words and phrases. I want her to be the person who worries about me, and the person I fight over silly little things with. Is that what a crush or love is? Or is that just respect and adoration, or some weird unhealthy obsession? I’m really sorry if any of this was offensive in any way, or if I’ve given off this vibe that I hope I’m straight, but in high school, I used to write notes to one of my ‘crushes’, and my mum found one, and she got terribly upset, sat me down and told me it was wrong. My parents respect other people’s sexual preferences, but they have had dropped hints that if any of their kids were to declare their homosexuality, it’ll be the end of them. Anyway, thank you so much in advance for reading this, and I hope you can give me some advice about my sexuality if you can relate to whatever I've just written. I just want to know if I might be gay, and if my 'crushes' really are what crushes are meant to feel like. Thanks so much again!!
Yes and yes. At least, it's sure what I feel like when I (as mostly straight) meet cute girls. And I've felt this way since grade school. Butterflies and rainbows. Still, well after high school. Your (eloquent) descriptions sound like real (and healthy) love to me. I hope that the "love is love" argument wins over your parents, because it sounds like it will have to come to that some day. Meanwhile I hope you continue to enjoy being in love. It's worth it.
hey, it's a bit complicated for me to give advice because i'm aro and therefore don't know either what being in love feels like. there is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction though, so maybe thinking about these things will help figuring it out: do you feel physically attracted to girls? would you like to kiss one? can you imagine having sex with a girl? if these questions are too personal, you don't have to write down your answers here. just something to think about. you could afterall be homoromantic and asexual, for example. or greyromantic, greysexual. or demi. it's a possibility, if the attraction is there but just not that strong. i'm sorry about your parents being intolerant, i hope it does not affect you too much.
I've only had one or two real crushes my entire life, what you've described is of pinpoint accuracy. Reminds me of one not too long ago... she was perfect. Always so nice to me, had the sweetest voice. Actually thought I was cute. Problem was we ended up living too far away from each other and I got increasingly shy and sort of backed off. But it still makes me blush to think about it, love is a strange thing? It's not weird to have a little fantasy, imagining going out and eating icecream cones together in the park, you know. I'd say if you're feeling the same it's the real deal. Love and attraction are a bit different too, but the two tend to go hand and hand. So considering that, I'd certainly say it's possible. Likely, even? But that's one thing you'll have to discover for yourself. Experiment a bit, you know?
Jonah pointed out some good possibilities, that I just rushed past. Since you focused mostly on the romantic and not the physical side. Well, people don't always just blab about that stuff right up front. (Around here, as long as it's clinical enough, it's fine.) On rereading I also notice your good question: is this love/crush or just respect/adoration? That's exactly the difference between "real" homoromantic and just teenage excitement. The fact that you ask the right question is a good sign. I had to reread just because it was such a positive description of what it feels like. I don't know if it's love, but it should be.
Based on what you have written, it sounds to me like you are far more attracted to girls than guys. Porn is a very poor indicator IMO, except if you are watching a specific person for the sole purpose of getting off. I hate to put labels on people when they are figuring out their sexuality but if I had to, I would say that you are a lesbian. My advice to you is to do some deep reflection on what you feel and try to figure out what you think would make YOU happy. Over time, I think that you will become more comfortable and confident in yourself, it just takes time.
Thank you very much Rdougall1, for your reply!!! Thanks for reading through my horrendously long message (sorry about that)!! Really appreciate your time and effort. Thanks for sharing your opinions and advice. I really appreciate your words of encouragement about confidence, reflection and thinking about what makes me happy. I shall do just that!! Thanks so much again, Rdougall1!!!! xx
Thanks so much for your replies!! Thanks beenthrdonetht and Kira, I was always unsure of what crushes were meant to feel like or if my perpetual emotional attraction to other girls was a normal thing that straight girls feel, but if I feel the same as how beenthrdonetht does when he "(as mostly straight) meet cute girls", and if Kira felt that what was "described is of pinpoint accuracy", then it must be real and my heart's working alright Thank you! You've no idea how long I've been questioning myself, if it was normal or if they really were crushes. Thank you so much again xxx And Kira, I'm sorry she moved away I hope you'll at least have the wonderful memories close to your heart forever (or for as long as you feel like you want and need, at least!), and that you'll find love again. Thank you very much, Jonah and beenthrdonetht, for bringing up a really good point about sexual attraction (and homoromanticism and asexuality; that's never even occurred to me before, so thank you). I've never done anything sexual before, so I don't exactly know if I know what sexual attraction feels like. But if it's feeling hot and excited, and your heart's pumping like it's trying to excavate through your chest, then I guess I have been sexually attracted to women. I do think about being intimate with and kissing girls, and I do have thoughts about things I want to do to and with my crush. And also if that's sexual attraction, then I've never felt sexual attraction towards guys. I can recognise good looks when I see them, but I don't get desires or nerves, and my eyes aren't drawn to things (mainly things they lack hahah, god do I feel naughty) as compared to when I see an attractive girl. Is that sexual attraction? I've never properly realised or thought about this before, so thank you all for bringing it up. I guess I'll still have to "experiment a bit", like Kira said. But as of right now (and for as long as I remember), do my feelings mean that I'm romantically and sexually attracted to girls? Thanks again for your replies, I really appreciate your time and help!!! ---------- Post added 4th Mar 2017 at 03:14 PM ---------- Also thank you for the wishes about my parents' intolerence and all! I don't know what this all means yet, but I do hope I get something figured out when or if there comes a time when "it will have to come to that some day".
Yep, that's sexual attraction alright. Your descriptions are so good it makes me almost feel it along with you. You sound like a healthy gay girl, who will make some other girl happy. I hope your love will convince those doubters.
Hahaha thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed my descriptions And thanks, I really really hope we'll convince those doubters too. Thank you for your help, really. And everyone else too :icon_bigg I'm slowly starting to understand myself better. It's so nice to know that my emotional and sexual feelings are normal and the same as those who are attracted to the same gender as I am. Thank you again!!!!! Xxxxx
Yes, probably. Every lesbian is different and feels attraction differently too. The only definition is being attracted to girls and not to guys. If you fit that, then welcome to the club!
