Hey! So I'm currently listening to SLEEPOVER by Hayley Kiyoko and it's made me think a lot about a crush I had on my classmate. I know she's straight and I've never confessed to her. Our friendship was great and we were really close but then she randomly stopped talking to me (she had a lot going on though) and I cried so much because I thought it was because she caught on that I was into girls. Even today when I walked into class and we had a sub, I realized she moved to another table rather than sit with me. Our other friend was absent but I had a feeling if that friend was there she would have sat there. I think what hurts more is that while she got distant from me, she got closer to a girl that's literally transphobic and homophobic. Not only that, but this girl literally brings everyone down, and she always used to mock my sexuality. Either way, my crush knows this friend she has is problematic but it just hurts because I felt like I was chosen over a homophobe and transphobe.. She even said nothing when that homophobe and transphobe's boyfriend misgendered me and was persistent that I was a girl because of my genitalia. Not even my crush's friend said anything to her boyfriend! I literally had to stand up for myself and I was proud of myself but it hurt me so much. Part of me knows that this crush isn't fair for myself, I deserve better. But I feel so pathetic for having a crush on a straight girl because I felt like I should have known better.. Any advice? Thanks for listening!
The part of you that knows the crush isn't fair for yourself is right. You do deserve better. But at least I'll say this: everyone in the world has crushed on some unachievable target. Everyone. So it doesn't mean that your affections are out of control, or that maybe you're all wrong about yourself, etc. I know this isn't really advice (like do this, do that) but more validating, you are right and she is wrong. The positive thing is that you can crush. You have it in you to love somebody. Just not this person.
Thank you this is really reassuring. I'm almost going to cry happily wow thank you so much for listening. Hearing that it's okay to crush and being validated for my feelings makes me feel a lot better. Thanks again! I was going to ask her out to prom but honestly what's the point if this entire situation with her makes me feel so empty. I can be really idealistic and dreamy sometimes. I think I'm going to take myself out to prom and just hang out with my friends !
